Is WordPress after us now?

First it was Tumblr removing ABDL content due to their change of policy so many ABDLs shut down their blogs. I still kept my Tumblr page up since all I do is repost ABDL pictures or themed ones or reblog ABDL stuff. I haven’t gone there in a while so it’s pretty much dead.

Now I see baby Emma had her wordpress (abdlgirl.com) suspended. She also had 3 other WordPress blogs too and they were all suspended. Has WordPress changed their TOS now and are they now going after ABDL blogs?

I just looked through my links and saw two dead ones, (one was private) so I removed them both. I have not gone though all my following blogs lists yet but the abdlgirl one is still there.

So if this blog disappears, that would be WordPress suspending it. But I will still be at Twitter, Dailydiapers, Adisc and some other websites.

Update:

I have come across a blog entry and it was about the war on sex workers and how so many places have shut them down.

But anyway, for WordPress, the blog entry stated from the TOS:

• WordPress.com – Specifically things hosted on WordPress.com and not instances of WordPress open sources software on people’s self hosted sites. There is a lot of confusion over this one. WordPress.com is a business venture by the company Automattic, which was started by a founder of the WordPress.org open source software project. You will not be prevented from making a site with WordPress software you have downloaded from WordPress.org or installed through your web hosts control panel.However, you may have your account shut down or content removed if you host your blog/site at WordPress.com, which says in its TOS: “There are limitations to the mature content permitted on our service. Please don’t: Post visual depictions of sexually explicit acts (such as, but not limited to, images, videos, and drawings) that can be considered pornographic; Post links or ads to adult-oriented affiliate networks, such as pornography site signups; Post links, text, or images promoting or advertising escort or erotic services;“ and has been known, thought firsthand accounts, to suspend adult industry workers using it for personal or promotional blogging.It’s not clear to the extent Automattic polices use of other services/plugins that you log into with a WordPress.com account (like JetPack), but we’d advise caution for WP users on wing your images to be compressed by JetPack packaged plugins, for example.

Someone online, could have reported Baby Emma’s blog and claimed it was a sex work and escort service because ABDL is a sexual fetish. But I found her blog again and she migrated to another platform it seems like. There are bitter ABDL out there who get angry if they have to pay so they will try and shut them down using the TOS to manipulate the service. They will make false claims and they succeed because the service buys it.

Perhaps this blog still stands because I am not making any money off of it and I am not selling anything here. I am not doing any meet ups here or hosting anything. I am not charging anyone to see my photos I have posted here. I am also not charging anyone to hang out with me and I am not renting out any room for any photo shoot.

Do people truly believe ABDL is an escort and sex work service if you are making money off it or are they just claiming it to shut them down due to jealousy and anger?

My thought on Kiddo Plus Junior

I was so happy to hear them finally come to the US. I have been wanting to try their diapers because of cute they looked and the nostalgic ones. They look like 1990s diapers.

They finally opened up and they have a promotion going on where you buy 4 and get a discount. I ordered a case of Junior Plus and I was so happy to finally try them. They are one tab each side. They didn’t feel as thick as advertised and I decided to test one out a home. The tops were very loose due to no top tabs. The curse of being a woman.

The absorbency is very good and I can feel dry after one pee in them. The outer shell still feels dry so it’s like I never wet it. After a second wetting, the outer shell is squishy but I still feel dry. I can probably get 4 or 5 wettings in it before I need to change. I gets really comfortable and it sags and I do have to readjust the tab on one side to make it tighter. I hate how loose diapers feel. Sometimes I can only get two in them before I need to change but that depends how much pee my bladder had before releasing.

The diapers roll up very well into a small ball and I throw it away.

I liked them so much I decided to order more because of how good they work and I realized I didn’t really need a high absorbency diaper and 4500 ml is good. Plus I can easily fit one into my purse and roll it up. I just carry everything else in my coat pocket these days; car keys, wallet, phone, ChapStick, Aquaphor, receipts. But when it starts to get warm out, I may need to consider a different bag to use as a diaper kit and to carry my stuff in.

Feeling like a Jerry

It’s this time of year again where my mood always changes, I get antsy, more irritable and short with y temper and I am more annoyed. It’s like opposite SAD. My aid would call this Spring Behavior when I was a teen.

One of the things that annoys me is diapers being associated with kids so my husband is the type where he associates it with kids so he has to regress if he is wearing a diaper. I had discovered I am more of a little girl than mommy and baby. He can never just put a diaper on and enjoy it. He can’t be solo with it. I can’t just force him to wear a diaper and then be done with it and we both wear together. We did that in the beginning of our relationship and I realized I liked having a diaper buddy. I have discovered I also liked getting other people to wear and hear about it but they have to be into it first like curious about it. I am not going to just tell someone to just wear a diaper and force them to. They have to already be curious about it and be into it where they are reading about it online but not participating in it or be into a similar fetish like be wetting or pants wetting so I would tell them if they ever thought about trying diapers so there is no clean up involved. But I wouldn’t do this with my own family. Remember when my dad decided t try one of my diapers when he was sick, I didn’t really want to hear about his experience with it nor did I want to know if he is going to be doing it again or be into it. Just like how I never told my mom in law to try better diapers and learn to enjoy it and get into ABDL when she already wore them sometimes for urge incontinence.

I have been getting irritated lately, especially at my husband when he wants me to be his mommy and baby him and wants me to put a diaper on him. I finally snapped and told him I would put a diaper on him if it didn’t make him regress into a baby. I am not a mommy.

This all brings me back bad memories of my past relationship with Jerry. I hate that anything is associated with baby and I hate diapers being associated with baby, anything I did was baby to Jerry. What I watched on TV, my emotions, my feelings, my interests, anything I did was ABDL so it was like I couldn’t even exist with it being a kink under his eyes. Sure I realize now this was all for control than him worrying about being a pedophile thanks to my own mother telling me he told her and my dad I am retarded when we first met. Bingo, if he truly thought that of me, he wouldn’t have dated me, wouldn’t want to be a pedophile. So therefore it was all for laughs and him trolling me for control. For a while I thought he was maybe in the closet pedo and over compensated.

So I now get mad when my husband wants to associate diapers with babies and to me diaper and kids are totally separate things. I told him I would force him into diapers as well if it didn’t turn him into a baby. I am not a mommy. I want a diaper mate.

I get mad when people associated shaved pussies with kids, associate plushies and Legos and other childish things with kids. Even Porn Hub had gone Jerry because I heard if you have anything in the background like an action figure, your video is removed because it’s associated with minors and that makes me mad. I hate that anything is associated with kids. Why can’t we all just enjoy videos without sexualizing minors and projecting because you associate toys with kids? It’s like they’re saying adults can’t enjoy that stuff and have those things.

I have also had a bad experience with baby boys on the internet and I realize they all may have had BPD because of clinginess and abandonment issues and they were all just abusive towards me and would use gas lighting so it’s no wonder I do not want to be mommy. I even get mad and have zero tolerance when anyone asks to have me help them find a mommy because I always assume where that will go. They will also try and trick you into being their mommy as well. I now just hit the block button now if that ever happens. I don’t care if this makes me an ableist. I gotta protect myself from being taken advantage of and exploited.

I have developed love and hate with ABDL community. There are people in it I cannot stand. I have gone to therapists for my anger and feelings and I get diagnosed with adjustment disorder. Just their way of saying I deal with trauma and flashbacks and anxiety from it but I do not fit into with PTSD. I just simply react to my thoughts and experience when situations happen and it doesn’t matter who the person is, if they act similar to someone I knew, I react and my attitude changes. I even refuse to be a safe person for anyone who think they can dump anything on me or be their true selves if they are just toxic. Just no.

Funny thing is adjustment disorder so supposed to be a temporary disorder but mine never seems to go away. But I also learned this is a label therapists use on patients for medical insurance purposes when nothing else fits.

There is a reason why I will not use terms on myself like littlespace or little, etc. because those imply kink and to me I am simply just being myself, I am not role playing. I am not a baby or a real kid, I am an adult. Just bad memories I have so I get angry when my husband wants to be a baby with diapers than keeping it all separate. Diapers are for everyone.

The problem is I am not comfortable enough opening up myself to any therapist because then I would have to tell them about ABDL. Last time I did was when I was 17 and it got blamed on ASD and that shit pissed me off. Plus he contradicted everything my mom said to me so I just thought he was lying to me and weaponizing my diagnosis only to find out in my 30s my mom just watered down my traits and I believed her so I totally blew him off. I have had similar experience with other people and I always felt I couldn’t exist without anything being blamed on it so my reason I keep quiet about it. Don’t ask, don’t tell.

So whenever my husband brings up the fact he would like me to force him into a diaper and be the mommy, I just snap telling him, “I would force you into one if it wouldn’t turn you into a fucking baby.”

Yes I know he isn’t like those baby boys I knew online who take advantage of women and trick them into their kink and act like they are actual children but my mind doesn’t seem to care and I feel bad about it. I feel like my ex. I also realize I am not a mommy but I also feel I am just being selfish because I am not doing give and take. I feel I had already given him what he wanted, let him have sex with me during a diaper change and make it sexual when I only wanted the innocent side of it. So for a very long time I refused to have my diaper be changed by him or he would want sex. I couldn’t wear any little gear without him getting blue balls or he would want it. Couldn’t use a pacifier. I hated he had to be sexual about it. Meanwhile Jerry did the opposite, couldn’t just accept me without sexualizing it and then fearing he is a pedo. My husband liked it but he didn’t. It was like I couldn’t win so it was better to have a guy turned on by it than someone who thinks they are a pedo and totally ignore you and refuse to have anything to do with you. There was no in between. I had to pick.

When I did try to seek therapy for this last time, I was just given a mental band aid but my mistake was not being totally honest with her and I might have gotten better support. I just simply hate it when anything I do is blamed on ABDL or anything I say so of course I would be afraid to share that with any therapist. My husband did the same too but the difference was he didn’t use it against me and he liked it. It still annoyed me but it didn’t give me that strong reaction against it.

I get annoyed in the ABDL subreddit when anything I post there is considered a kink or sexual. But then again I have nowhere to go to share my diaper experience. I can’t go to Adisc because I outgrew that place and it changed. Now there are abuse apologists. Good heavens I have boundaries and refuse to be a punching bag and safe person for anyone to dump their toxic behavior on me because they have a menta illness. I would rather be an unsafe person than be hurt again and want to send that message out there to anyone.

Engaging in some diaper fetishism while living the 24/7 lifestyle

Normally when I mess in my diaper it’s usually because it’s part of being diaper dependent and I poop in it and carry on with my life until I feel ready to change.

But this time I was feeling in the mood. I just had an energy drink and I felt an urge to make a bowel movement. I have been pooping less for some reason and having hard stool so this one wouldn’t be easy to do. I knew I would have to push it out than let it slip out. When I felt the urge to poop, I decided to try pushing it out and it started to come out and I had to keep pushing it out. This brought back memories of my early childhood when I used to just poop in my pants because I couldn’t stand the feeling so I felt naughty for what I did. I shat in my diaper like a naughty girl when I should have done it in the toilet and then I peed right after it came out and I got the urge to masturbate so I did. I liked pushing the poop in my diaper and mixing it with my pee and it felt softer. I hoped I wouldn’t get any skin irritation from it and I didn’t plan to be in it all day anyway.

I kept masturbating until I got this excited feeling down there and then I was calm. I got out of bed and went back to my phone and looking in the eshop sitting in my mess like nothing happened. I would take care of it later when it got closer to getting my kid from school.

When it was time to get cleaned up, it was a big mess to clean up despite the poop not being very big but it got all over my bottom. I used to use adult wipes to get most of it off and it smelled like a baby getting its diaper changed. I was surprised the adult wipes even had a scent. The I moved onto baby wipes since the mess was a lot smaller and I didn’t need adult wipes anymore for it. I tried to make sure I got all the poop off my skin and then I put on rash cream and Aquaphor and a clean Kiddo Junior. Then the used one went in the diaper ail along with the used wipes and I turned on my melted wax candle to make my room smell good. It felt nice being in a fresh diaper again and I felt normal again. That same feeling I used to have after taking my diaper off and going back to underwear in my teens.

Adisc became a cesspool

I have been a user there since 2009 but it has changed over the years. They decided to make it 18 plus, fine but they still decided to keep it PG only. Their rules. Then they decided to ban politics while I had left that forum for a while because it was full of right wing nutters and it was okay to tell people their thoughts are stupid. But yet I was the one to get in trouble for it by the mods and that user didn’t get in trouble, my post was removed, theirs stayed. I was also crucified for reacting to his mean comment. I did report it but all I learned was reporting comments there are pointless. I just learn what they allow there despite their rules.

Now I find out they will defend abusers there and endorse it if they have a mental illness so I decided I am done there. One user there decided to call ABDLs pedophiles and had adult baby listed in their profile. I told them they had that label in their profile and calling ABDLs comes off as trolling. But yet this comment of mine was seen as an attack. Another comment of mine that was seen as an attack was when I talked about Jerry and mentioned how he was so worried about being a pedophile he would ignore me if I thought I wasn’t acting mature enough for him. I also mentioned he thought ABDLs were pedophiles and he full well knew it had nothing to do with actual kids. For while I thought I was just dating an idiot but now I think he was just my real life troll. Either he was a secret pedophile or a troll and wrote Monster (the user on adsic who called us pedos) reminded me of Jerry and I block anyone online who behaves like him. The mod read this as me calling Monster a pedo when he in fact did the same thing for us on the forum. And his posts are still up and 3 of mine were removed.

Another one that really hurt was when I was talking about reason why cluster Bs were stigmatized because of how they treat people and I am okay with ableism if it means protecting myself from being mistreated and abused. This got seen as an attack on users on the forum so this is implying there are many abusers on the forum and they do not want to be called out for their behavior and how they trat others and hurt people. They seem to endorse it, the mod denied they were not endorsing it. Saying I am attacking users and being okay with ableism when my post was clear I was talking about abusers with mental illnesses who abuser others due to their disease. How is this not endorsing it?

So it’s final, Adisc is no longer the right place for me if they are okay with this. It’s disgusting how us people have to put up with abuse or toxity if they have a mental illness. I even told my husband I will be gone if he quits his treatment and his meds because I will not live my past and I know what happens when illnesses go untreated. I refuse to get hurt and mistreated and abused. And hey, if this makes me ableist, so what. I have a right to be safe and not get abused. If it’s ableism to not want to be a victim of abuse, fine, I will accept I am ableist when it comes to not wanting to be abused or mistreated or exploited. But apparently this isn’t okay on Adisc. Oh let’s protect the abusers, fuck victims. Same thing happened on Wrongplanet, oh let’s protect the bigots, the racists, the homophobics, etc. Ironically, many of them left the forum. I haven’t been active there much because place got boring and I have been posting about politic since Trum was in office and then got less active.

If a forum wants to protect abusers because they have a mental illness so their wittle feelings must be protected, fine, that is why Adisc is no longer the right place for me.

I also find it strange to hop onto a ABDL forum and say they’re all pedophiles just because they get turned on being taken care of or changed. Duh, ABDL is classified as a kink. It’s done between two people just like how liking to be rubbed is classified as a sexual act even if it’s a sensory thing for me. Imagine me calling people pedophiles for liking to be rubbed because it’s something parents do with their kids. But yet this was seen as okay on Adisc. But good heavens if me and other users react to that comment. I also noticed Monster took adult baby out of his profile so it was like he was trying to cover his tracks. He wanted a reaction so he got it. His comments were still left there so what message does this send me and other users? If it wasn’t okay, they would have been removed too. The thread was locked thank goodness. But damage had been done.

Been changing at work

I had bad diaper chafing and I decided to try size Large with Abu since their sizes run on smaller size. Maybe that is what was causing the rashes so I will see. I have been using Aquaphor and then using Large Play Dayz which are way too big on me to let my skin heal. It’s been had all that time because diapers had been uncomfortable so I would air out and then couldn’t relax because I felt wetness down there. Could never tell if I was dribbling or is that discharge. Luckily I have not had any dribbles since that one time when it happened without anything on. It comes and goes and happens random and I can go days and periods where it never happens and them bam it does. I will probably do another blog on that later.

I have been bringing an extra diaper with me to work because of the sagging and the wetness and I don’t want to stay in them for too long. I also bring the wipes with me and the Butt paste. I left the Buttpaste at work in the closet where I keep my cart but I refuse to leave any diapers in there, I am afraid of snoops, not that they will do it intentionally, just do it if they were looking for something and they see a box and look in it only to find diapers. I do not want that. I may not care if people find out I wear them, that doesn’t mean I want them to see my products. I already deal with that with bag inspections at places or at the TSA. At my work I don’t have to deal with that because I bring my federal badge with me to get into the building so I pass the TSA stuff. If I left it behind, I would need to be bag inspected and run my stuff through the machine and show my ID.

I did order some Kiddos Junior Plus, a pack of them and got a medium because they fit up to 40 waist/hips. I try them on and I keep using Aquaphor and they haven’t been digging into my skin or leaving any marks and I have been using the cream over the sores so the skin heals. I did go with a pull up on (Goodnites) the other day while taking my daughter to school and I had underwear on over it. I wanted to air out but the pull up was for any leaks. I did feel a tingling in my bladder knowing urine was entering it again and I have learned to ignore that feeling now and just as long as I am diapered, I can deal with it fine and it eventually comes out when its ready without me giving it a second thought. My daughter wanted to leave early and I try to use the toilet to empty it out but nothing came out and I didn’t have time to spend like 10 minutes on it so we left. I didn’t even have to strain my muscles to get it all out because I read that just trains your muscles to not urinate when you relax them. I already do that when I swim and I pee in the water anyway without much thought but when we go boating, I am always diapered, same as intertubing.

But after I drop her off, I peed in my pull up and it wasn’t any leaks or dribbles, it was a medium stream of it and I barely felt I had to go. But my bladder kept emptying and I noticed later I had leaked when I felt myself down there. I also seemed to have peed through it too. I knew I then had to go home and get cleaned up. I head home and showed my husband the accident and he told me “I’m sorry” and I went upstairs and got changed and put on a Play Dayz and I had to fold the sides and the top to make them fit right and the tabs over lap I also got changed into some dry pants and I cleaned my seat and put a towel down on it and went to the gym. Serves me right for using a pull up. Never leave the house again without a fitted diaper.

The kiddos did come yesterday so I got changed into one of those diapers, the Play Dayz were just too uncomfortable because they were so big and they sagged. The diaper did fit me better but the top was loose but they are just one tab each side so what did I expect. I decided I take an extra to work with me just to test them out and see how much they hold. I have been cutting back on energy drinks by limiting 1 a day so I figured I can go with 4500 ml absorbency. When I did wet it the first time, I felt wet and it was squishy, okay not the best diaper then. But then I felt dry again. Oh, these have good sap and pull the moisture away. felt dry the entire time at work despite wetting it a couple more times and I felt they could hold more. But I decided to just change, I didn’t want to risk any leaks on the bus and train so I changed. I put the diaper into a scented diaper sack and hid it behind the bags with shredded paper I keep for our pet bunny. I didn’t want to leave the diaper in the cart barrel or take it with me to the loading dumpster so I hid it and put it in the trash barrel the following day.

I took another diaper with me to work today and this time I pooped in the closet and I was going to change anyway. I laid the matt own minutes later and I cleaned myself up standing and I didn’t make much BM and it was just balls and pebbles. Then when I was ready for a clean diaper. I laid down and put the diaper on. I discovered they go on better if I do it laying down. I did throw the diaper away in the cart to take to the loading dock with the rest of the trash.

Also, my chafing has gotten better thanks to the Aquaphor. I am now seeing in the skincare community people are using that and other diaper creams for their skin for anti aging. Aquaphor being poplar.

Now I am trying to buy Trest Elite on reddit because $25 a bag and I am just waiting to hear a shipping quote sometime this weekend. They run for $45 on Amazon so I am getting a good deal.

And Goodnites suck now. They are thinner too anyway I feel I have nothing on, at least back when I wore them in high school and as a young adult, they were thicker and it felt like I had on a pad. Now they feel paper thin. I am reminded why I quit using adult pull ups when my daughter was a baby. They all started leaking on me and I hated how loose they felt on me and the sagging. Now I am jaded about all of them so I haven’t bought any since no matter how much they advertise how absorbent they are. Wait, that is a lie, I tried Always Discreet and they leaked terribly on me so never again. The first time they worked fine but the second time, I soaked it and it wasn’t even much pee volume. Then after that I quit adult pull ups for good and then I ended up buying Goodnites or the other brand that were like Goodnites but the sides tear easily from wear.

I totally prefer diapers, I will still use pulls ups for only at home if I must air out. Same goes for using pads in underwear. I think I can also say I am un potty trained. I find diapers to be easier for peeing. Brings me back to my early childhood memories when toilet training was tough for me. I kept on pissing myself after feeling an urge and didn’t know what to do about it and I had to sit on the potty chair for a long time. I had less accidents at home because I was always sitting on the chair but out in public, I did. I remember my mom telling me how difficult toilet training was with me. Would I piss myself if I didn’t have a diaper on other than dribbling, I do not know. I woke up the other day and got my phone and laid back in bed and I all of a sudden felt a little urge to pee but I ignored it and was browsing on my phone when I realized I was peeing my diaper. I do often wonder if this is a subconscious thing I am doing because my body knows I have a diaper on. I have seen posts online by other ABDLs that they pee more when diapered or just go without control or go without realizing. I should call it diaper incontinence. It’s not a medical issue if it only happens when you have a diaper on. I have always called myself diaper dependent or diaper trained. I pee fine in diapers but in toilets, that is another story. Plus I am more relaxed when I am wearing.

Now Kiddos Juniors are awesome for the absorbency but they sag when wet and feel nice and squishy when wet when you feel the plastic shell. I can easily feel I am peeing my diaper and it’s warmer than usual and then the warmth is gone and I feel dry in minutes. With one tab each side, the fit will be loose on the top. They are not very thick and they are thin but they do absorb well. The outer shell totally has that nostalgic look when wet and the diapers are pretty nostalgic looking from the 90s. Only thing that is not nostalgic is the blue thing in the middle on the padding. Plus it feels like I have on a pad all over down there from front to back and I like the snug feeling when I am sitting.

I think I told my new doctor I wear diapers without telling her I wear them

I had my appointment with my new doctor after I had to sign up for the Medicare Advantage. I finally got the courage to bring up my leaking issues and talked about my excessive vaginal discharge and it both happening at the same time. I also told her I can’t even go a day in underwear without pissing myself and I just wanted to air out. As I suspected, this is all childbirth related because she asked me if I have had two vaginal births.

I did let her run a couple tests on me to rule out any vaginal infections and UTI. I also mentioned I constantly feel wet down there and my vagina is always wet but I’m not sexually active nor aroused. She said that might be urine I’m feeling. I did decide to buy some Poise pads so I am not stuck sitting on a bed pad and not have to worry about pissing myself while I stand since this is when they usually happen

Diaper change rant

I was airing out and so far, no dribbles. Then my daughter needed help with her wifi so I get up and when I see she is connected, I leak in my panties. I check when I get in my room and it’s just vaginal discharge. Whew.

Then I’m putting on a diaper and I start leaking again, more discharge, whew but I am still leaking and I realize it smells like urine on my panties and pajamas. I really did pee along with my vaginal discharge and it was too watery for it to be discharge and it smelled like piss on my clothing. Why couldn’t this all wait till I had a diaper on and why did this happen after I was standing? It was like my body decided to troll me reminding me to keep my diapers on. But yet I do fine when sitting on an underpad while airing out. It’s standing that is the problem and I read in incontinence this is normal and its gravity. I have even pissed myself without realizing it because I have found my diaper to be damp and have no memory of peeing. For a while I thought this was just subconscious and being diaper trained. But I’m terrified to go without a diaper on but then I stay dry when I use pull ups for airing out but then this happens so it’s like my body likes to mess with me.

I had made a mess but most of it got on my wipes. I practically pissed myself and it was like a full void but in dribbles. But I had to change into some clothes and clean underwear over my diaper. They hold my diaper in place making it snug and it helps hold in liquid so it holds more. Now it feels like im wearing a thick pad and I actually like it. I liked this feeling as a kid too when I would have my period and wear a Always pad.

I thought I was going through a pre menopause and thought I was aging prematurely. I was getting hot flashes, having troubles sleeping and my bladder had been leaking more and I had bad headaches. Then one day i felt the urge to go number 2 so I decided to just do it in the toilet because I didn’t want to risk smelling like shit on the way home. I noticed blood on the toilet paper and I never felt so happy about a period in a while. It was pretty heavy too because some of it was on my diaper. That explained everything and now that my period is lighter, I feel better and the symptoms are gone. It’s rare I even get a period because I have a IUD but occasionally I will get symptoms but they all vary. I have had nausea and diarrhea before. But a period never crosses my mind when my body starts to act strange.

I somehow break out in more diaper rashes now around my leg area and perhaps it’s the irritation of the plastic on my skin. But if I make them too loose, then I will just leak then. I do use Aquaphor and right now I have a few pimple like spots on my bottom making it feel it’s around down there. Rash cream used to help but then I feel it again and it hurts. I decided to let myself air out and go diaper free using under pads in case I leak and I put on a Goodnite and no energy drink today. Luckily I’m having a dry day so my bladder hasn’t bothered me. I did wear a diaper to bed but it was dry when I took it off. I was feeling sores again so I wanted to air out more. Maybe I need t go back to Desitin heavy duty again and see if that make a difference. I have found other rash creams do not work but Butt Paste did and Desitin. Maybe I just need to put on more rash cream and get all areas where the rashes like to go but I can’t put them around the leg areas r it will get onto my clothes.

I also used to get pad rashes in my teen years and twenties because of vaginal discharge and periods. I still get very bad vaginal discharge and I can’t tell between urine or discharge but if the diaper is warm or damp and the shell is moist, I know it’s pee despite feeling dry with dampness in the middle. But if the diaper is already wet, it’s hard for me to know if I am just leaking urine or having vaginal discharge and I’m not sticking my fingers in there to see. I know I leak urine because it has happened while I was changing or going into the shower and it happened after I had my son and I know it was urine because vaginal discharge doesn’t soak my panties and making my pants damp. It was just dribbling like water leaking out of the faucet and I had no feeling and no way of stopping it. I remember being embarrassed about it because I didn’t ask other moms about it. Now I joke to anyone online to have kids if they want to pee in their diapers easily because that has been the case with me. I have noticed weaker floor muscles down there because the urge to pee would be strong and uncomfortable to hold once I stood up after getting up for the day, gravity. Then before I knew it, I was wetting my diaper while changing my son and holding it would be too painful and uncomfortable.

I admit I have been too lazy lately because I am always in a hurry so I change and don’t put on enough rash cream. I’m always putting off changing. I gotta stop being lazy.

My husband wanted to have sex with me so I said “well this will give me a good time to air out and I need a clean diaper anyway.” He took me upstairs and cleaned me up and had sex with me and let me air out some and then put a fresh diaper on me putting on lots of cream around the sore spots.

I am totally over my period because no more blood when I check. But for some reason my body has been really dehydrated because I’m always thirty and my lips are dry and I have been drinking more water lately. Plus dry mouth and throat, another sign of dehydration and no matter how much I drink, same thing. Pee is still yellow than pail. I have had dry period spells where I am always thirsty. I guess it’s my body’s way of catching up after I cut back on energy drinks and I have been saving money on diapers as well. I have also been peeing less so that is good too because more money saved on diapers but I still change. It also means I can go for less absorbency ones like 4000 ml. I have been wanting to try the Junior Kiddo brands but instead I ended up buying Cushies Ultra again because of a good deal and I like the thickness.

Patreon purged ABDL

I still saw a couple left on there like Mindlessly Diapered but I suspect the most popular ones got purged first and then me. It’s possible someone might have reported my page to get it removed sooner but this happened to other creators as well who had more subscribers than me. Mine was just with diaper changes and used diapers. I didn’t really have ABDL content on there or age play other than the $2 tier and that was for people wanted access to my content for low price but I never updated that tier so it was the same old stuff from years back. If they wanted more, they would have to go to my JFF page.

I got a email from Raiden from the Patreon safety Team and I never opened a support ticket with them so they obviously did it for me and gave me my last payout before closing my account. I assume this was done for liability purposes because I have heard of platforms being sued by creators for having their accounts terminated unexpectedly but never got their payout so they sue to get it so they can pay their bills.

But the letter said they don’t allow age play and adults posing as minors and that includes animation and other stuff. First of all, I never pretended to be underage and what are they calling age play? Diaper changes? Used diapers? Wouldn’t this fall under ableism because incontinent adults exist and incontinence is a medical issue and a disability and you don’t need to be incontinent for this to be ableism because of what they are implying. Also age play; are they implying adults can’t wear shirts with cartoon characters on them or bright colors? Are they implying adults can’t have toys? Plenty of vanilla adults buy toys, some are even collectable too. You see graphic tees of children characters sold in stores like at WalMart or Target or JC penney and they are al adult sizes. You go to Ross and and find graphic tops in the Junior sections. You can find them at Spencers too or Hot Topic. You can also find them on Amazon too.

Saying I am posing as a minor, are they implying I look too young to be in my thirties, I am close to 40 now. Are they saying I look like a teen but I am actually an adult? Now wait a minute, many people love to look young but to say we are posing as minors is pretty insulting and not a compliment for our age appearance. Also I hear that anyone under age 40 will look like teenagers with filters or bad photo quality and with bad lighting, you will look younger or older. But to say we are posing as a minor is damn insulting. Patreon Safety team is crazy for this mindset.

Now imaging saying children are posing as adults because they are wearing tops with Chucky on them or Ghost Face or South Park or The Simpsons? Actually there are people out there that say children are posing as adults because of how they are dressed and their hair style and I had to select Stop recommending this channel” on youtube because this same baby kept showing up on my youtube shorts for recommendation and why in the hell does youtube think I want to see an infant and toddler looking like a 20 year old woman? It was the same child. And the thought of parents out there making a whole channel dedicated to their child and posting them on there is creepy. Even my son thinks this is wrong. Children that young cannot consent to their personal lives being posted online. But still, this is not a kid posing as an adult because you can tell they are a baby if you look at them closer. At quick glance, you think you are looking at a young woman and then you realize, “oh no, this is a child. Ugh.” Then you realized you were turned on by a toddler thinking it was a young woman at first. This is why this is creepy and why this is so wrong of parents. And youtube allows this? I am sure there are weirdos out there who are sexualizing it fully knowing this is a child because of how she is dressed and her hair style. This is the 13or30 material right there.

Went to the ABU Open House

Last month I had decided I wanted to attend this event and then my husband had a mental breakdown and had to be hospitalized so I had no idea if I was still going to go. But he got better faster after staying on his meds so we both went to this event. We left around two while our kids were out Christmas shopping with my parents.

It was a 3 and a half hour drive but it took us four hours because of traffic in the Seattle area and we stopped for food and gas in Lacey. We got there right at 6 and everyone else was arriving too and I saw so much exposed diapers and furry suits and masks and little clothing and onesies and sleepers and I was dressed in my Santa jumper and red striped long sleeve shirt with white tights and Mary jane shoes. I also had a teether with me and pacifier, both Santa clauses They also provided pizzas and snacks and bottled water and had two changing rooms and the restroom for people to go number two and for those who didn’t come with wearing diapers. They also had their AB shop open and me and my husband each got a pack of Super Dry kids and I got a ABU onesie so it’s not like we mooched there because we bought something there. They had a lot of free stuff there like adopt a teddy bear and me and my husband each got a teddy bear and they were also giving away free clothing so I got my husband a onesie and I got a ABU t shirt and a gray onesie and a bib and a pack of Molicare slips. They also had music and two booths and a play area. They also had an area with the adult sized high chair and a over sized teddy bear with a diaper on for us to take photos with.

They also did donations for winter stuff so I brought stuff my kids outgrew and brought in old jackets that were my brothers and I brought in my old ski jacket I can’t fit over any winter clothing and we got a $10 off coupon to use on the website.

My husband had to be out in the car because it got too crowded and loud for him and I stayed till 9 so it wouldn’t be 3 am when we got back. It was between 12 and 12 thirty when we got back and my mom was surprised we got back so soon. It was only a 3 hour drive.

I would want to go back and do this all again.