Regression with video games

I still have video games from my childhood and teen years. The first game I have is The Little Mermaid for Sega Genesis I got at Fred Meyer when I was seven. The rest belonged to my brothers and they all got stolen from their game cases at my parents house after I moved out. The other game I had from when I was ten is Lotus II and the other is Buster’s Hidden Treasure I got in 6th grade at toys R Us. The rest I have I got in my teens and twenties at Gamestop and other game stores or online and Sonic games I had I traded in because I have them on my PS2 under Sonic Mega Collection Plus and I had them for Sonic Mega Collection for Gamecube. Nintendo 64 games I have I had from my teens and adult years and I still have them. I started buying video games and gaming systems when I was 15 and it built up over the years. Before then, I only got a new game for my birthday or Christmas and the rest I had to rent. Back then Nintendo 64 games were 50 bucks so that was like all my allowance. My brothers and I had to pool our allowance to get it and we spent all our money on the system itself and it only came with one controller so we had to buy one extra one and my parents bought a game with it as a birthday present for my brother.

Lately I have been playing the Nintendo 64. I guess writing made me want to play it again so I was playing Goldeneye and saw how much I sucked at because I hadn’t played it in years it and I played Blast Corps and I did play Kirby 64 on my virtual console last month when I moved back into my old bedroom when my parents semi moved out. I beat the game in 3 hours and I was surprised how I still knew the secrets and where the shards were hidden and I didn’t suck at it. Though i did had to take a peek at the online walkthrough because I wasn’t sure where some the shards were hidden. I introduced my son to the game system and the game Goldeneye but he found it hard to play and couldn’t figure out the controls. I still have my original file on the game and it’s 007 because I unlocked everything using cheats when I was 15. I remember I named every character in the game with different faces, I had Nathan, Zac, and I borrowed the name Dr. Doak for enemies that had the same face as him. I also used to joke about Natalya being stupid because she always got in the way and calling her diaper butt because it looked like she had a diaper on in the Control Center level. I remember playing the game and dying a lot and failing missions and having to quit the level and try again and also failing missions on purpose to see what happens and trying to mess with glitches.
I also played South Park and sucked at it. I used to get to episode three level 1 and now I can’t make it past the first level anymore past the boss because I hadn’t played it for so long and it took me lot of practice to finally get past that first level. But I still remember Bobbybird and used that to beat the game.

Sometimes I like to go back to my childhood by playing retro games than playing my 3DS. My son has told kids at his school how many games I have and none of them believed him. I have showed him the Playstation 2 which is hard to get to work because the back piece is loose that holds the power and I have to have the cord in a certain position for it to work. He wanted to play old fashioning Sonic so I showed him Sonic Mega Collection Plus and we played Sonic 3 together. My son is finally at an age when I can start relating to him and that is with video games and he can play them now.

I have over 630 video games and I am not counting all my son’s games or my husband’s and I didn’t include our PS3 games or my game Boy Advance videos and the board games for Game Boy Advance and Nintendo DS or virtual console games or games on my 3DS from the eshop and any digital retail purchases. This is from over the years of buying video games and I have found cheap ones too after they stopped making the DS games and Game Boy ones and Game Boy Advance and it’s amazing how cheap they get now. I also ebayed a lot with video games and try and get them for cheap and hope no one bids on the game. Now it’s been a while since I have bought anything on ebay. Wait, that was a lie, I used it this summer when I got got two sets of Shopkins. I occasionally use it still. We have been using Amazon now or I use other websites to make my diaper purchases and I don’t really buy video games online anymore because I have most of them now I am interested in and there are never any particular games I am looking for. I only go for games I want to play, I don’t buy to collect so that is why I don’t have that big of selection of the Sega Master games or the PSP and I don’t have any XBOX games or PS Vita. Plus I rent from Gamefly so I can play the games and not have to purchase them though I am considering buying Miitopia so I can get another game shipped. I waited few months to get that game to play it and it’s not in our budget right now to buy it and my 3DS system is getting too full for more video games and I want to leave some space for game updates and system updates and not fill it all up to 0 blocks and I want to leave room for me to re download some games I deleted. Not only am I just a ABDL, I also like video games. I don’t know if I would consider myself a gamer, I don’t play online and I don’t do computer games. I do mobile games sometimes and then I delete the app when I am not playing it anymore to save space since my phone only has 16 GB. Anything I get interested in, I keep buying. I have done that with my Nook and Kindle, 3Ds, Lite Brite stuff, Benny & Joon, AB clothes, cloth diapers. Then I get free interests where I just read about stuff online and watch vidoes and not spend money on it unless you want to count the internet because that costs money but it’s a monthly payment. Then I never get rid of anything and I find that hard too. I have even bought clothes too and then ended up with too much of them I stopped buying them and looking at them and now I haven’t bought any in ten years I’m guessing. I have managed to get rid of half of them over the years when I would be downsizing my apartment when I was nesting and getting rid of them of them again when they get too big and keep falling down because the elastic got too worn out in the waist or I lost weight. I do not like anything hanging on my legs which is why I always wore pants up past my belly button or up to it while other kids didn’t. I tried that and it never felt comfortable because I hated the saggy feeling between my legs and around my buttocks. I have been given occupational therapy for my tactile issues but this never went away. I don’t even like saggy diapers or diapers feeling loose on me either, I only like them snug because I like the tight feeling but ironically as a child I didn’t like jeans because of the tight feeling but yet I wore stretch pants and I wore turtle necks but my youngest brother hated turtle necks because he didn’t like anything around his neck.

I sometimes wonder how I am not even broke when I go spending money on anything I get obsessed with or interested in. I think I have toned it down after having kids because they need food and clothes and then there are the holidays and their birthdays and it’s a matter of setting examples so I don’t want to teach them to be hoarders and buy junk so I often don’t buy them toys because they have toys and every few months we go through them to get rid of so they can make room for new toys. I keep the ones they often play with and even I have gotten rid of stuff I decided I didn’t need so that sets them a good example.

My mother doesn’t see what I do as hoarding because my room or house doesn’t look like the ones in those TV shows and thing I have are considered collectible and she doesn’t call it hoarding. I have even bought unopened Barbies from the 1990’s and have them up in the attic so my kids can’t get to them. I also have a bunch of unopened Happy Meal toys my husband gave me when we were in our first year of our relationship. Some lady was going through her stuff and she had a bunch of those and was going to give them away so my husband said he can take those and his girlfriend loves those things so he took two bags of them and brought them over to me. Some of them I already had from childhood so they were duplicates. Now I have them all in one bag up in the attic. I just have troubles getting rid of things so it always takes effort and when I do, that is a accomplishment. But I know what I do is nothing compared to the people on the show or what Donald Morton in Mozart and the Whale did.

Lot of stuff from my childhood is either out in the cottage in the attic here or still in Montana packed away in my parents’ old house or in my deceased grandparents’ basement. Things get lost when you move. I know I have a few items in my deceased grandfather’s chicken house and now that property is owned by my aunt and uncle, same as for the house and small house I used to live in by myself.

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It’s easier being a ABDL as an adult

I don’t think I have posted this yet here because I looked and found no results.

I think it’s very hard liking diapers as a child and having baby desires because as a kid, you don’t have lot of control over your life and no income. You have to earn your own money through chores or doing odd jobs from your neighbors. And plus you do not drive and you have no bank card so you have no way to make enough to buy diapers or to even go to the store to get some unless there is one a walking distance away. The closest store to us that would sell diapers is a mile away and that would be too far for a child. I don’t think a kid can get a bank card until they are eighteen so that makes it impossible to order online and stealing your parents credit or debit card just to order something online, you will get caught because it will show up on their statement and how would you explain to them what you bought online?

Then don’t forget about your friends and other kids. Kids have mouths, they notice more things than adults, they lack filters due to their brain development, they lack empathy for the same reason, they will say something if they notice and make a big deal about it and tease you about it. So even if you do buy diapers, you have to keep them well hidden and make sure your friends will never find them and wearing to school is like committing social suicide. All this anxiety and shame you have to carry and to keep hidden because you know diapers are unacceptable and not normal because you don’t see anyone else wearing them but very small children. Then there are your parents and they won’t accept it or even allow it. I think being a DL and liking baby stuff is very difficult as a minor.

But when you are an adult, you earn your own money now through employment, you have a bank card now so you can now order online and even pick up the case at the local Fedex office if the website offers that option. Your parents can’t make you not wear them unless they tell you to move out or threatening you they will stop paying for your school. Adults are too busy to even notice things around them and even if they do notice, they say nothing because they are too busy with their own lives to even care. So that makes it a lot easier to wear them and not worry about being judged or shamed.

I remember when I was a kid, I liked diapers but felt ashamed and embarrassed about it. I knew it wasn’t normal and this was another weird thing about me. I would occasionally take a diaper from next door and they had a two year old and my mom was friends with the mother. Then when he was potty trained, they no longer had the diapers. According to my mother I would take some from the store and wear them in 6th grade and I even took one from my school too. That was one battle there between us in 6th grade and I so desperately wanted them and I even felt suicidal over it. That is how hard it is being a DL as a kid. Then the city was going to build a store right outside our neighborhood which is now a Walgreens and I imagined going there and buying some diapers and putting them in my backpack and taking them home and hiding them when my parents are not home and hide them in my bedroom closet under my stuffed animals and only wear them when they are not home. But we moved before the construction even started and we lived in the country so no store within a walking distance. We lived about ten minutes out of town and it was tiring riding to town by bike and took too long.

I didn’t get my first diapers until I was 17 and that time I was driving and I had money from chores and no job. I had no card so I had to buy them in the store and I had to constantly look around making sure there was no one around I knew because it was a small town. I also had a story in my head, I was running an errand for my family to get diapers for my grandfather. I will even put on an act too about it so I would get in character about it and not get out of it until I was in the car. Then when I was 18, I had my own checkbook and bank card and I could order online then and with both parents knowing and letting me do it, that made it easier. They didn’t take my diapers away because I was an adult. But I still didn’t order online and still continued buying from Wal Mart or from thrift stores every time I saw some there. I never wore to school because I didn’t want kids to hear the sound and see them on me. I wore a Goodnite once when my period was real heavy so I had an excuse. I forgot to take my birth control so that resulted in my period being real heavy. I took it for hormones and for my period so it made it lighter and and cramp free and no hot flashes and I was not so sensitive.

I am not saying it’s easy being a ABDL as an adult because there is still shame and the embarrassment but the truth is people do not care what you wear under your clothes and it’s just your own anxiety that is making it hard, not the ABDL. This isn’t childhood. but once you accept it and not worry anymore about people finding out your wear them or even care if anyone knows, etc. you will see how normal your life is and how easy it is to wear diapers and if anyone asks about it, just tell them you have a medical issue or you can be honest just to see their reaction and they are random strangers so it doesn’t matter what they think. Unless it’s someone you know, I would just say it’s a medical issue. Once I realized all this, it made it easy for me as an ABDL. Maybe this was when I made peace with it.  I have money so I can wear all the diapers I want without anyone telling me I cannot. I would say it can still can be hard if you are too poor to afford diapers and to wear anytime you want or if you can’t find someone who accepts it or find someone who will let you wear any time you want or if your parents are threatening to kick you out of their house or not pay for your school if you do not quit. Mine never made threats to get me to quit because they loved me too much. I do find this a curse in a way because of what comes with it. It’s not a curse for everyone though because it depends on their environment and the people around them. I would never date someone if they were revolted by my diaper usage or didn’t want me wearing around them and were not okay with me wearing them 24/7 or if they were just tolerating it. I would call this a compatibility issue.

I still occasionally buy in stores if any thrift stores are selling any good diapers but I mostly order mine online but not because it’s discreet but because they offer better diapers than the stores here do. I have no problems having diapers in my shopping cart and purchasing them at the counter. It feels normal. It used to be awkward but not anymore.