I have something going on. I have lot of gas, bloating, belching, loss of appetite, cramping, diarrhea, little bit of nausea and I am dehydrated because I am not peeing. I am just wearing a cheap cloth like diaper so I can easily take it on and off.
Last night at work I was running to the toilet every five minutes and there was no way I would be able to get my work done this way so I used my diaper whenever I farted and I pooped too. I work evenings where everyone has gone home so it was me alone and I had to skip break because of it because I smelled like shit. Then two hours later I had to change because my skin was starting to burn and I got rashes from it. Then my trash smelled like shit where I threw the diaper in. Then after I got done with my work, I went home because I wasn’t feeling good. I also felt tired. Then all night I had terrible gas and I pooped all night and I even woke up from my tummy being active with gas and I shit and then went back to sleep after it settled down. Now it’s active again. My mom thinks I have some poisoning and told me to drink water and eat light an stay away from fresh fruit. I hope I will feel better by Monday. I do not want another shitty work day.
I did get all the shit out of me this morning because all I had was air and now that I have eaten and drank something, I am pooping again. Even my asshole is sore from all the pooping.
I decided to look up one of my ex boyfriends to see what he is up to see if I could find anything about him. All I could find was his son and I thought what I was seeing in his profile was a coincidence. Now I won’t be naming any names or mention his name and her name and her son’s name. But he had listed someone as his mother instead of who I will call Claudia. I looked her name up on his friends and she wasn’t there but his sisters were. I looked at his mother’s page wondering if she was his step mom and then I decided to google my ex’s usernmae I remember and her facebook page showed up again I was on so I read the page thoroughly and I was surprised she would have her wall public. I saw she hadn’t posted anything since 2014 in March so perhaps she could have made the rest private. She was a very private person when we were together and it was a red flag for my mother because someone who is very private means they are hiding something that is bad. It was very hard for me because I felt I had to censor myself and edit my life and it’s hard to do when you have someone involved in your life. Because she was a very private person and cared too much what people thought of her made her be controlling. She didn’t like me talking to my parents, told me what to say to them, I had to wait until she was at work or I had to go outside to talk to them or else she would have to listen in what I say and ask what I talked about. She is transgender and had finally decided to transition so I am calling him a her now because he is her now. I wonder if part of her negativity and low self esteem was due to her gender issues and I wonder if she is happier now that she has decided to come out and live as a woman. I did stumble upon one of her pages on another website and found pictures of her and she looked like a woman and it was hard to recognize her as someone I knew. I could still tell her on facebook she was still conservative because of her anti Obama posts but she also seemed open minded than she was when we were together. When we were together, she was so negative and critical about everything and had to judge everything people do and also had bad opinions about the homeless which she ended up to be homeless because she has MS now and lives with her father which I assume is her step. I also found her Diapermates page and she is discovering AB. When we were together, she was very judgmental about it and didn’t want to understand it and would make fun of it and me but what changed? She also wrote she is bi sexual but yet when we were together, she was very homophobic and would call them fags and say she doesn’t like their lifestyle and told me if I had sex with another woman, she wouldn’t be in a relationship with me and would just want to be friends. But now she decides she is bisexual? I have heard how even gays and lesbians can be a homophobic and don’t accept themselves. Perhaps she didn’t accept himself as bi and I wonder if she changed her view on it. But what I found creepy in her DM profile was saying she be a young teen and I wonder “did I read that right” so I read it again and still same results. I wonder if she means that is the age she feels on the inside because when we were together, she told me how she felt stuck in her teens. I also saw she only gets to visit her son 8 weeks a year. I see she never got custody of him. I do have different thoughts about why but won’t go there. But seeing her FB page and seeing how bad her life is and how much she is suffering, can;t work anymore, is lonely, has MS, trying to get on SSDI, lives with his father for support, lost everything a few times, her storage unit got auctioned off she she lost everything, and guess what? This doesn’t make me feel any better. I have seen some people post on Wrongplanet about how they look their bullies up on facebook and love to see how miserable their lives are and how bad their lives are but I am not feeling this way about my ex. I see this as a good sign because it means I have a good heart and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Yeah she may have done stuff to me that was wrong and her behavior may have affected my thinking and how much she hurt me with how she treated me and still haven’t forgiven her over the worst she has done but I still feel sad for what I see what has happened to her. I felt like sending her a message and then I had to ask myself “Do you want to be friends with her because she is lonely and you feel bad or because you are curious and want to know about her life and how things turned out like if she is still fighting for custody and if she had met how many women and where does she live now, etc?” Honestly I didn’t know the answer and I had to remind myself how she treated me in our relationship, letting her son listen in on our conversations, telling him everything about me like what things I took literal and showing him what movies I had just to make fun of me, how she treated me about being AB, acting like I was retarded because he said he felt like he was with a child and seeing me as one, and keeping that piece from me that belong to Dish Network and didn’t give it to me until I had a meltdown. Sometimes I wonder if she did that on purpose to drive me crazy and have me suffer with anxiety and when he saw I was having a meltdown and how much it was affecting me, he decided to give it back to me. I posted about it on Wrongplanet and stated posting everything about her how she treated me and made a thread asking if I will get in trouble with Dish Network. I was scared because I didn’t want to pay a huge fine and I didn’t know if there will be jail or not and my OCD was driving me crazy about this situation and she justified it saying she didn’t have to take that piece and it would have been thrown away so she did me a favor taking it down and packing it in storage so to her logic I still would have had tremendous anxiety if it got thrown away by the manager at her former apartment she just moved out of. This is the worst she had done to me and it was the last straw so I wanted to dump her and put my DM profile back up. She never apologized for the trouble she had caused. Plus she has been silent for seven years and last I heard from her was around November 23rd 2007 and she was working three jobs and was going to start school soon. So this is a hint I see as she wouldn’t want to talk to me anyway so don’t waste my time sending her a PM because that would be so stalkish and creepy, stay moved on. She has probably moved on too from me. But I have always found it odd she sent me a IM that November after being silent for seven months. I don’t need someone like that in my life and we had a silent breakup and my mom had to tell me to stop calling her who was a he then because she had moved on so she wasn’t answering her phone and I am single now. That was the best news ever that day and I felt a bunch of weight was lifted off my shoulder and I was free and didn’t have to worry about if I was cheating on her or not. So these are my main reasons to not contact her.
This morning, I did a little bit of cleaning. I brought down my diaper bucket and took out a clean trash bag and opened it and put it over the bucket and dumped all the used diapers in there. Then I stuck the bag in the garage.
Later Mom and I left to shop at Costco and we left my son at home and brought my daughter with. We were waiting in line for gas and then my mom decided to tell me a story. She told me she was in the garage with my father and it stunk like poo and she said “What is that smell?” and my dad said he was taking a big dump. The bathroom is right next to the garage. So he flushed it and it still stunk so he flushed it again and the smell was still there. That odor stayed and wouldn’t go away and then my mom noticed a trash bag and it was filled with dirty diapers and one of them was open and in it was poo and it was all fresh. It was not a baby diaper and it was in an adult diaper and I am the only one in the house that wears them so that left them a clue who that diaper belonged to. Somehow the bag was open and one of them was sticking out showing what I had done in the diaper. I had done it yesterday and changed out of it and I took the bag out today so it had to be today it happened. I was laughing at the story because my diaper caused such a havoc and my mom told me she doesn’t need to me to share my information with her about my choice and she doesn’t need to know and I said “I am not sharing it with you.” Then she said, “Leaving your bag in the garage and having one of them open and us seeing it is sharing it with me.” Then she told me to not do that again. Now that it’s getting warm now, it’s going to smell now because poop doesn’t smell when it’s cold but now I need to keep the bag outside than throw it in the garage.
At least she wasn’t mad about it and she was laughing and said “geez” and said it was silly me but she also said it was gross.
We got home and I saw the bag was gone. I looked in the trash can and the bag was there. I didn’t see any open diapers but I thought I saw one in there and I didn’t touch it.
So outside it is than adding to the bag when I keep throwing stuff away.
I should have kept my mouth shut again about how I can never get those diapers to smell nice and clean again and how my mother said once “I look forward to the day you quit wearing them” referring to my cloth diapers. But she said cloth, not all diapers so she wasn’t looking forward to me quit wearing diapers, only cloth. My husband decided no more cloth and I must use disposables 24/7 for her sake. he said if he finds out we can’t afford it, he will let me know and I can go back to using cloth again. He also told me I won’t be using cloth on our daughter either and she also has to wear disposable. My consequence for using cloth is a butt spanking if he catches me with one on. So after coming home and putting all the groceries and after my shower, he put me in a disposable and tucked me into bed. He was a daddy this evening. I called it play time like in my story I am currently working on. My husband called it playing with me too just like in my story. Then I got up and cleaned my room and packed all my cloth diapers away and put them in a trash bag and started washing my dirty ones. I have everything sitting in the hallway that goes up to the attic. I wonder what my mom is going to think when she sees those trash bags filled with cloth diapers. I have to pack them away so I can ensure I don’t use them. I wasted money and the rest of my ebucks money on that cloth diaper on ebay. Now I am going to see how we will do with our 35 gallon trash can. It only fits three 13 gal trash bags but my dad somehow manages to squeeze more stuff in it. I will see how it will fit all my used diapers or else we might get a bigger trash can the size of our recycling and compost bin. I think my dad has been doing good not throwing stuff away that isn’t trash because we haven’t been making lot of trash so quickly. I feel like I am wasting money using disposable 24/7.
I wish my husband kept his mouth shut but he goofs up too in social situations. He told me that his mom said I laughed at her when she told me she wet her pants on the stairs. I never laughed at her. I didn’t even say anything about it or go “ha ha ha” and I hate it when people accuse me of laughing when I am not. I get so sick of it. Okay if she thinks I laughed at her and thought I found this all so funny, I guess this was so funny because you know why? People who refuse to wear a diaper when they need to so they shit themselves or wet their pants on the couch or chair or on the steps or anywhere is hilarious, why? Because of the irony. They think wearing diaper is so immature an associate with baby or elderly or the mentally disabled s they act all immature about it by not taking are of their medical condition properly. So it is immature to not wear a diaper when they need to. that’s whats so funny because it’s so ridiculous and the irony. It won’t be funny anymore if they would just wear a diaper. What is so much better about wetting your pants and having everyone see you just had an accident and having to clean up an extra mess than wearing a diaper and not have everyone know you had just wet your pants? Rant over.
Mine are ripping up and I did get another one earlier in 2014 which was a pocket diaper you put a soaker in. Then i never got anymore after that. Today I got another pocket diaper on ebay sold by Dailydiapers. I am thinking every month get a new cloth diaper to replace every diaper that is ripped. I also need to get a new pair of plastic pants since I had to throw one of them away after having them for nearly a year now. They were five bucks anyway. They just got stiff and started to hurt my skin around my legs. It felt like a burn so I tossed that pair out. I had a deal that I replace every plastic pants I throw out and I still need to get a pair. Then I won’t have to buy any for a while.
I woke up poopy yesterday morning and I did some computer and then I decided it was time to take care of myself and my daughter. I grab my cloth diaper and plastic pants and wipes and bring them in the bathroom and I bring my daughter in there too and place her in the tub to keep her out of the way. I cannot leave her alone with my son because he keeps leaving my bedroom door open and I don’t want her to fall down the stairs. I start to get changed in the bathroom but then my son wants to be in there with me but I won’t let him because I didn’t want him to see me poopy. Even standing there and waiting for him to leave didn’t do so I pushed him out and held the door closed and took my diaper off and sat on the toilet and my son came in again and I just waited for him to leave and he wouldn’t. I did try to reason with him but he didn’t listen so I pushed him out and held the door closed and started to clean up while he pounded on the door and screamed trying to get in. So there I was holding it closed with my arm and foot while using my other hand to clean myself up and I would use my foot to hold the door closed while getting a paper towel wet to clean myself up. Then I let him in when I was finished cleaning up and I put my diaper on without any privacy because there was no way I could put it on with holding the door closed. I just stalled off taking him roller skating for being impatient. Then I took him roller skating at 2 pm when he had been calm and not rambunctious like he had been lately. I promised to take him out for it if he was good and he was so I had to keep my promise. But that was the worse diaper changing experience ever and I tried to send him down to his father but he wouldn’t do it. He just wanted to be with Sissy and couldn’t wait until I was done to bring her back out.