Undergrowing my diapers?

So I got up to 134 and I was going to be heading for another eating disorder which I don’t want so I decided to join a gym and start working out. I didn’t want to get fat and I worried my weight will keep going up and up and before I know it I would be back at my high school weight followed by my Junior high weight and I didn’t want that and then be obese because that is how people get fat in the first place or overweight. So I joined a gym and started to work out there three times a week and also doing some weight lifting and what do you know, my weight went back down again and I could finally eat again without any anxiety and I got down to 129 again and then I was at 127 at the 4th of July and gained a couple of pounds from food and then lost that couple of pounds again in a few days. I also started to run twice a day when I am not working and I run every morning and since it’s summer, I can go run outside but i still kept my gym membership because this weather won’t last long and soon it will be cold again and rainy. It rains here everyday in the fall and winter so don’t move here. Plus when it snows, it becomes a gridlock on the roads and your car becomes unsafe on the road and you are at a higher risk for a collision and this is over a couple inches of snow and it’s very difficult to drive in it here because they don’t sand them or even plow them because we have only a few of them. In Montana, no problem driving in the snow but only because they are equipped for it and my area is not.

But I also decided to start doing classes so I do ZUMBA every Wednesday and Friday and I tried Yoga and I didn’t like it so I only do workouts with weights and use the elliptical on Mondays. I got down to 123 last time I weighed myself and I don’t even starve myself, I still eat three times a day and snacks but I am still losing a pound. My parents decided to give me flack by telling me I am getting to skinny and I needed to eat more food and I am going to look anorexic and getting there. But my BMI is still in the normal range. So to satisfy them, I decided on some sweets for breakfast and told them how many pieces of pie I had and then I had a dairy Queen Blizzard that day but I had a size small.

I have been noticing the tabs on my Bambino diapers and they are closer together now and the top ones are close together and the bottom part of my diaper feels loose in the back and I think that is why I have been leaking lately because they are getting too big on me so I might be in between sizes now even though my hips are now measured 35 inches and I noticed my belly where my navel is shrunk an inch when I measured and my tummy is starting to look fit and I am noticed holes in them now meaning the skin is going in so there is a dip in my tummy on the side. For years I was never satisfied with my body and always felt fat and then accepted no matter how much weight I lose, I will never be happy with my body and it’s all in my head. I got down to 119 once after I had my son and I noticed I had more bones showing on my back and I got scared of being an anorexic I wouldn’t let myself go below 119 no matter how fat I looked and how big my thighs are and my hip size. But now they are shrinking and I am down to 123 as of last week when I last weighed myself. I just had to do different work outs and I think ZUMBA is helping. I did read it does help tone your belly and your body and I do lunges and I lay on the floor and hold my legs up in the air and down again. I read that also helps tone your belly too. Walking on the treadmill won’t help tone your body alone.

Now I might look into smaller sizes now and see if Bambino carries a size small and ABU and stuff and if not, I will still use mediums but try and make the bottom tighter. I have also noticed how far back the front of the diaper goes when I put one on and try and make it tight. The side of the front goes all the way to the back of my buttock.

I still see my big thighs and butt even though I have lost weight. But it’s in my head right?

I think my bowels are getting weaker

I used my diapers exclusively now but sometimes that isn’t possible.

Two times at work I have felt an urge to go number 2 so I would hold it but it would feel like it will come out on its own. I don’t want to go home smelling like shit on the way so I have had to use the restroom there to go.

It happened again today when I was cleaning the former daycare so I held it because I didn’t want to walk all the way to the restrooms but forgot they had one in the former daycare. Then the urge went away and it came back while I was cleaning the break room so I had to use the bathroom in there and boy it was a big one I took.

now it seems like when the urge hits, I can go no problem but it feels like I can’t hold it.

Finally got to poop in my diaper again

It feels like it’s been a while since I last soiled myself but maybe it’s been a week. Lately I have just been doing it in the toilet because I don’t want to waste a diaper. I change and then I all of a sudden feel the urge to go number 2 and I don’t want to change out of this diaper so soon and another time I was at work when the urge hit and I was holding it till I got home to do it but I felt I wouldn’t be able to hold it so I took it off and went in the toilet at work. I guess that is how much I have trained my body to do it in diapers so now it feels it will come out on its own now if I hold it for too long.

This time I felt the urge to go again and I was home and both my kids were in bed so I pooped while I was emptying out my husband’s wastebasket to take upstairs to throw away outside to the outside trash can. It felt nice and soft. I had this one on all day so I thought ‘what the heck’ since I would have to change it anyway.

Now I am going to try and clear photos and movies off my Micro SD card now for space and put it on external hard drive.

Looks like I don’t have to get potty trained

My daughter is finally using the potty. It started with my husband buying her these Little Charmers dolls and a pack of little girl underwear that were Minnie Mouse and Doc McStuffins. We also did a sticker chart and that got her motivated to learn to use the potty. I would let her pick out a stick and I even put on my Barbie underwear and showed them to her and she got excited because she opened her mouth. Then I would put a diaper on when I would go to work and I wore them at night. It would just be during the day sometimes I wouldn’t have one on and I showed my panties to her three times and had her watch me go potty twice and it worked. I didn’t have to get potty trained after all. She still has accidents but I think one time she couldn’t get her pants down quick enough to go and this time she couldn’t get her nightgown out of the way so she couldn’t pull down her panties and she peed in them. She still needs help going to the toilet and she still isn’t bowel trained but we’re working on it. I wouldn’t consider her fully potty trained and just say she is working on it still. But at least she is going on her own now but still needs help when she has clothes on. One time she tried to go poopy in the potty and she didn’t make it and she made a big mess instead by trying to clean herself up and got it all over herself and the toilet so I had to give her a bath and it took me about ten minutes to clean up the mess she made. She also got pee on her nightgown too so I had to take it off. It looked like she sat on the toilet like that but she forgot to pull her panties down and make sure the nightgown wasn’t in the way. Now she won’t let me put clothes on her and she keeps running to the potty because she is trying to poop. Then she goes to the one upstairs because it has the toddler’s toilet seat and she is using a stepping stool to try and go. But at least I don’t have to take her every half hour anymore because she now knows when to go and can recognize when she has to go.

Funny Reddit comment

So the question was what was the worst parenting you have ever seen and if they had asked instead what was the worst parenting you have ever heard, I would have had much darker stories to tell like the time I was in 7th grade and my English teacher tells us a story about a student being beaten up by her mother one morning while drunk and she goes to school with a bloody nose and stands in front of her class and says something inappropriate, or the time I heard from my mother how it was normal in our small town for kids to be kicked out of their homes for their “out of control behavior” when in fact it was just them arguing or talking back and they were not treated like human like their thoughts mattered so they thought my parents were weird and strange and told them they weren’t normal, or the time I heard from my mother how my old school district got sued because her 13 year old son died from being frozen to death during school hours and he had been drinking and it turned out she had lost another son in the mobile home fire and he was also drunk and was too drunk to even wake up to escape and the mom never was a parent to them so she lost the case and the school district won. That happened after I moved or around the time before I moved but it was after I got out of high school and I was an adult on my own.

But anyway I wrote that about seeing a kid’s ear being pulled and someone on there who I have never even seen nor ever talked to already knew about me so she told me I pooped in my diapers in front of my children and I call that bad parenting? I looked through her comment history and she sounded like a legitimate user and not a troll so I figured my username must have drawn her attention so she must have read through my posts and maybe saw my blog here and read it and went back to make that post.

My kids don’t even know I am pooping in them because I can do stuff while shitting in it and I am not squatting or grunting so no one would know I am doing it. I just relax my muscles and give it a push and it comes out on its own and I do some pushing but there is no squatting or pausing and grunting. But the other day when the urge hit me that I needed to poop, I just went in the kitchen and pooped in there because no way was I going to do it in front of the kids if I had to stand and wait for it to come out and I did grunt and push hard and I did pause. I don’t do that in front of them. Then when I was done pooping, I went back in the living room and sat down. Then I had to change out of it later when we were going out.

So it’s funny how people just make the worst assumptions and instead of just defending myself, I just laugh about it and I could troll them if I want to so I wrote back to that lady “lol I see my username got your attention. Thanks for your comment.”