Asexualphobics

I have never been into sex the same way as everyone else nor have I never been into it a lot. I don’t need lot of it and I can live without it. People have never accepted this about me and have treated me like I am broken because they shove it in my face and tell me things like I need to find ways to enjoy it or find what turns me on and on Dailydiapers someone suggests it may be hormonal level and general physical and psychological health. Ugh. People like this piss me off so I put him on ignore. What is it with rude posts lately people have been posting to me? Okay he has been the second person now this month. But what is happening here?

I didn’t start to desire sex or get into it until I was 19 and yes men online told me then I would never find someone if I don’t like it or do lot of the icky things I call it. They would also give me a hard time about it and try and shove it in my face. I only like penis in vaginas. The rest just grosses me out and I have tried anus sex and I don’t like it, accept it people. It’s uncomfortable. I have tried doggy style, I don’t like it, accept it people. I also never tolerated wet and sticky skin from sweat and I never like people touching me none sexually if they have sweat on them. I don’t like how it feels so therefore it bothers me during sex too so my husband and I wear clothes during sex, accept it people (may be sensory related). I never liked porn with sex in it. My mom is the same way about sex. She doesn’t want to hear about it or talk about it or see it but she does have it with my father. I don’t know how often and I don’t know what they do during it, I have never asked and never will because it’s not my business.

I am 28 and I still feel the same way about sex as I did when I was younger. It hasn’t changed. I am not broken and I don’t need to be fixed so shut up.

I am not sure what to call it when people are intolerant towards people who are like me about sex, oh gray-a. That is what I am so gray-a phobics they are. But even asexuals get lot of flak too and also get treated like they are broken. My husband doesn’t understand either. :sigh:

I posted links on the forum about gray-a’s and asexuals for awareness. Homosexuals used to be treated like they are broken and some have even gone into counseling for it thinking they can be fixed but they have come a long ways to be accepted but unfortunately homophobia still exists. I think asexuals still have long ways to go and people like me. Maybe some day they will be accepted too but of course asexualphobia and gray-aphobia will still exist like homophobia still does.

EDIT: I found out there is already a word for it, acephobic.

Bullies

I do not like bullies, I hate them. There was a 13 year old aspie boy who is being bullied at his school and lot of people are saying he brought it upon himself. Whenever we hear about a person with a disability getting picked on, we always assume they are the victim and being picked on because they are different. The truth is, I was reading two articles about it:

TEEN BULLIED: Students Post Video Online

13RAW VIDEO: Melcher-Dallas Bullying Interviews

and I found out just from reading the comments that the kid was the bully. He has chased a six year old girl down the street with a bat and she didn’t even do anything to him to provoke it. He has brought pellets to school and has threatened to kill his school mates and also would tell them to go kill themselves and even one of his victims left  comment about how he was bullied by him. This isn’t about autistic behavior he was doing, it was bullying. He called a kid a nasty name so he got socked for it. Yes I understand how we tend to lack a social filter and may say the wrong things but if we say something and get socked for it, my mom would have told me lesson learned if I did that as a kid. Okay if I called someone the n word, I cannot blame it on autism. I know it’s offensive. I don’t know what nasty word he called someone’s nephew so I can’t really comment on it and who knows what the parent meant by nasty word. How hard is it to not call someone a nasty word? How hard would it be to not call someone the n word? C’mon on people. Are they really saying in the comments who are defending the boy ASD kids are not able to not call someone a nasty word? Even members get banned from Wrongplanet if they sprout any racism or homophobia or call someone a nasty name since it’s a personal attack. We sure don’t have excuses on that forum for our autism for such behavior.

But reading the comments really lost my sympathy for the poor child. I just have no respect for bullies and I used to bully my own bullies because they were not nice to me. I still bullied them even if they were not even bothering me. It never made sense why I shouldn’t bug them, they were bullies. Then in 5th grade my mom told me to say to this kid who lived on our block, next time the kid calls me stupid, tell him to look it up in the dictionary it has a picture of him and every name he calls me, tell him to lo look that word up and it has a picture of him. So I tried it and it worked and he never bothered me again. My mom didn’t care what I did, she just told the mother her kid needed to toughen up (giving her a taste of her own medicine since she thought other kids needed to toughen up whenever her son picked on them). I also remember kids would do the “Beth germ” crap and say “blackout” as a way to protect themselves from my germs. After a while I started to just touch them to give them my germs and they would get mad at me about it and call me stupid. I never understood why it would piss them off but my school counselor told me when I was in junior high it was because I was taking away their power. But by fifth or sixth grade, the Beth germ thing stopped. They had moved on.

I have noticed that when you have autism, it seems like it’s okay to bully other kids and blame the victim (the victims the autistic kid is bullying) and if they defend themselves, they are the bullies. It infuriates me. I never got any special privileges as a kid. I was given the same rules as everyone else and expected to follow them. I had no excuses and I would also get in trouble if I did anything to my bullies. I was never treated like a label nor treated like a disability and even the school didn’t excuse me. It’s so easy to paint someone as a victim when they have a disability. I mean what happens if some autistic person tries to rape me so I fight him off me and defend myself and flee, I would get blamed for it for kicking and hurting him? Or what if he did rape me and some angry mob went after him, would people paint him as a victim? This makes me sick and that is how I view this incident. Reading the comments, I see the kid has gotten suspended before and kicked off the bus for his bullying and he is still at it. I will agree with some comments that more needs to be done since suspension has not worked and perhaps the kid should be in some behavior program. I think all bullies should be in one if they are not able to quit. Also the mother of the child posted and he does get punished at home for his behavior but the other kids on the bus didn’t get punished for theirs like touching his bag or hitting him. Good for her then for not giving him special treatment and no one ever told her about the bat incident. A parent can’t do their job if no one tells them what their kid did wrong. If my parents never told Frankie’s parents their kid threw an ax at my brothers and their friends, they wouldn’t have shipped him off to Seattle because they would not have known about it.

Also to the person in the comments who thinks it’s ignorant to think a special needs child should be removed from the room when they are acting up or having an outburst or disrupting other students or being violent just like any other child, I was always taken back to the resource room whenever I would have an episode in class or start getting disruptive with my constant questioning or my anxiety. No way was my aid going to have me disrupt the other students and the teacher so yes I agree with the mother who thinks special needs kids should be removed from their classroom if they get disruptive. No free pass. I was also given ISS for throwing a book at a girl’s face because she was insulting me about my problem. But yet she didn’t get in trouble for trying to attack me and my mom called it self defense, well I got fed up with kids being ignorant about my disability I snapped and threw a book at the girl and she happened to be the culprit. Why does this have to be backwards but not for other kids on the specturm if this were to happen to them? Mom said I wanted to be treated like a normal person, they treated me like a normal person and other parents out there want their disabled kids to be treated normal and so do they with disabilities but yet they don’t like if this happens to them or their child what happened to me? How fair is that? That’s why it all infuriates me ASD kids get a free pass to bad behavior and their victims are the “bullies.”
I have also been suspended from softball once for a day for flipping out on my teacher because I thought she was screaming at me when really she was just scared because she thought I was going to run in the street because the drivers were not watching the road (they were all distracted by the old school building being torn down) and I would get really impulsive sometimes when I would get very upset or very excited but I was no idiot to run in the street (running in the street with lot of traffic means getting hit by a car so why would an impulsive person do it if they know the consequence?)and why would I want to run in the street just to look at the building being torn down? I was seen as the one being disrespectful and got suspended from my team for one day.

Now you can understand my politically incorrect “ignorant” thought about disabilities and ASDs because of how I was raised and treated. Even Temple Grandin was raised the same way and I will quote my favorite line from her “autism is no excuse for poor table manners.” Yeah that pisses off some people on the spectrum and see her as arrogant and some blame it on her own autism for how she talks about the whole spectrum thing.

Bad day today

Damn it, I want my husband to get better. He won’t be returning to work July 8th and it’s now undetermined. He is getting better but he had to miss his appointment today because they didn’t want him walking. His mom couldn’t come and take him because of no gas money and our money is tight. I can’t take him because his appointment was too late in the day and I have to work and can’t afford to miss work and his appointment would last a while I don’t know how long. The disability still hasn’t kicked in because the doctor forgot to put something on the papers. I have been missing out on my autism groups because of money issues and my husband thinks we are doing fine and I am just doing this to myself and it’s all in my head. Well he says we have over 200 in the bank and we still have to grocery shop and that is about 100 there and bus pass that be 26 bucks (thank god for honorary citizen because the adult ones would cost in the 80’s since they keep raising their bus fares and I got tired of it and them fucking with our budget so I decided to start getting that bus pass instead because it’s a lot cheaper and they rarely raise the fare for people who get that special bus fare so that means all the none disability people are screwed if they are low income or struggling with their finances) and we have that credit card bill that is 89 bucks so how could I possibly have afford to go to my group? I even cancelled out this weekend because I am not using my gas to drive up to another state and go to the video game party there at the library. I gotta save as much gas as possible but thank god the gas prices are dropping.

So I have been having anxiety all day and crying and my husband decided to baby me. So he kept me in diapers and is making me use them and he has been holding me and even rocked me. He said I needed it. He had been doing this off and on.

Right now I can’t handle doing anything, not even something simple. My mother wants me on medicine for anxiety but it’s even too stressful to even bother to figure out what steps to take to do it and to even find a doctor and make the appointment and to spend money on medicine. Catch 22. I decided when they do move out here, I will leave during the day as they move in so I won’t have anxiety there and mom won’t get mad at me about it because she be unable to cope with it. Good thing I don’t have my son or else I wouldn’t be able to take care of him very well and it be more stress. But once they send us that damn check, my stress level will drop and so will the anxiety. Then simple things wouldn’t cause it anymore. I have not even been calling my parents to see how our son is doing because I am afraid mom will ask me if I have been to the doctor yet and no way am I lying to her. She would find out anyway when she gets here so why lie? These things have always been stressful for me and hard but it’s just been worse now because of my sick husband and no disability check and not being able to do my normal stuff and us getting this house soon. I could never handle stress well and that is why I get Social Security because I shut down when I get stressed out and run into roadblocks and I can’t handle it so I get lazy. But does society give a shit? No.

I can’t wait until we get this house. I gotta save money for that too for gas. Plus I have that beach party I want to go to but I may wait and see if I can go or not because it be using gas to get there. Hopefully he will get the check by then. We even have that car insurance to pay and my husband says he has it all planned out. We may have to use our savings for the insurance. I also have not been putting more books on bookmooch to mooch away due to money and I have to pay money to ship the books off. Luckily no one else has mooched anymore books from me and if they did, they would have to wait a while.

 

Going through lot of stress

Right now I am resenting my husband. I don’t care if this whole blog is going to make me sound cold hearted or insensitive or a jerk so go on ahead and judge me after you read all this.

My husband was supposed to take care of something today, make a phone call and and meet the person for him to get temporary disability for his back. He does not go to work until July 8th. I go in our bedroom to remind him and I see he is in bed. He had been up all night due to his back hurting him so much. We need a new mattress but we can’t afford it right now. So I break down and cry because I wasn’t sure when he be getting up and what time he has till today to meet her. I just want this done NOW so we can get more money coming in. So I call my mother and broke down in tears because I am so sick of being here, I want to leave this world and get away from it all. I have been feeling like I am shutting down. I am so sick of my husband letting his depression make him be so lazy. I said to my parents send me a damn check for $500 because I don’t know if he is ever going to get this done because he has to be up all night. My mom says if he can sleep during the day, he can sleep at night and be up during the day.

I just wish I never married my husband. Back then his feet were not bad and they have gotten worse. If I knew then his pain would cause him to have more seizures due to stress and make him miss work, I would not have stayed with him knowing how much stress it would cause me. I would leave him but it wouldn’t get rid of all my stress because we have a kid together and where would I go if I left him? I would then be on my own income without his and it still be stressful so leaving him wouldn’t get rid of it. My mother suggested food stamps. I would have to look into it.

Since he is in so much pain, he is probably in too much pain to even keep me in diapers so I can just stop wearing them and we can save money that way. He may not even notice I don’t have one on. He may be in too much pain to make me wear a diaper to work and be in too much pain to grab my panties from me. I can test him. But I know he can punish me when he is better and make up for all the rules I had broken.

My mother offered she or dad can come out here, get our son and bring him back to their home (they live ten hours away) and they can take care of him until my husband is well. I can’t always take care of him and when I need to be alone and when he keeps getting in my way, I just put him in his room in his crib and close the door. When I go to work, I put him in his play yard and go to work because my husband can’t always take care of him. I leave him in front of the TV with toys in his play yard which he likes to throw out. Mom says that is not good for him to be in there for five hours. I really like this idea because my mother in law isn’t well either and she can’t take care of him all the time. I would have to talk to my husband about this.

I also started to slip in a soft cup to avoid getting pregnant. I never know when my husband is going to have sex with me. But since he is in so much pain, he may not have it with me anymore until he is well. But sometimes he is better so I guess I better keep it in there for precaution.

If my husband ever dies or if we ever split up, I won’t date another man who has seizures or bad feet or a bad back because I sure would not want to go through any stress.

My husband says his back is temporary, I hope it is. Luckily my parents will be moving out here soon to help out. What about my diapers? Will my husband still keep me in them or change his mind?

My mother can’t do anything about it if I am still kept in them 24/7. She won’t know about me being forced into them because we won’t tell her, she would just think I choose to wear them and I make that decision as an adult.

I think I will find ways like I am not going to try for a baby until he gets temporary disability or that I am not wearing diapers again until he gets it. That might get him to do it and stop being so lazy. I am so sick of this stress and his selfish behavior. In fact I may tell him our son is going to live with my parents then if he doesn’t straighten up. I don’t care if people call this a game and see it as woman holding having sex until her husband does what she wants him to do. I see nothing wrong with that honestly because it all depends on the reason why.