Pooping in my diaper by a building

Today I had felt a slight urge to do a bowel movement but it never came out yet. That urge had started to happen after I had changed out of a Crinklz and into a Galatic diaper.

We headed to the 4th of July barbecue and I see my in laws there and sister in law and my husband’s parents friends and their kids. They already had food out and made. I had a barbecue chicken and a little bit of potato salad and a hamburger with ketch up. I was going to have another barbecue chicken but decided to eat the hamburger first before putting another barbecue chicken on my plate. Good thing I did because I was full from all that food. I drink most of my Red Bull and look on my phone and did the last blog entry to rant, Then I headed to the thrift store. I walked of course. I figured it would help relax me after what happened and I go there every holiday anyway because they always do half off sale.

I look around while the the to poop came and went. I get a hand made Frozen pilow case for my daughter and I found a 90’s TY beanie with the TY tag on it and I found a pack of Tena underpads from another country. I get all three and I leave and the urge to poop came strong so I went outside and walked by the side of the building where the semi trailer is and I pooped.

Then I walked back and peed more in my diaper. I felt the back and I realized I had a lump in the back. I wondered if it was noticeable. I sniff down my shirt and didn’t smell anything. I even rub my butt and sniff my hand and nothing. I guess I didn’t stink so I walk back and I am not nervous at all. I had to walk by people when I got back and I grabbed my diaper bag and headed to the bathroom. I lock the door and I pull my shorts down and remove the diaper. The poop wasn’t too soft but it was light brown and ina ball. I still had to wipe my self clean and I used rash cream and put on a Bumooza. It was a lot thinner than the Galatic one and I could tell they had been unfolded and refolded so they were really fluffy and thick. I did buy some diapers from someone the other day all for $20 and it was 3 boxes. 1 full of cloth and layers and the other two of disposables.

I dumped my poop in the toilet to cut down the smell since I would be taking it with me. I flushed it down and wrapped the diaper up with used wipes in it and put it in a plastic bag and tied it and shoved it in my diaper bag. I put my other stuff back in it and zip it up and I take it out to the car and put the used diaper in the trunk and take out other stuff I didn’t want and leave it in the trunk.

Then I get back and few minutes later, I am told by my husband we were leaving. The music was too loud and my daughter wanted to leave and my husband wanted to leave too. So we left.

I felt “so much for changing” but then I realized I didn’t really waste a diaper and I got to experience changing a messy diaper away from home. But changing there wasn’t bad and no one asked me why I was bringing my bag into the bathroom there and why I was going out to the car with it.

I will say mission accomplished, I have been bringing wipes and rash cream with in my bag for if I poop. I didn’t really smell my poop until I took the diaper off. That diaper sure kept the smell contained and boy did it make the diaper bulge out.

I get home and I throw the bag in the trash can outside with the other trash. I also toss my empty Red Bull can with the other cans we keep in a bag we take to recycle them at we get money for.

And those under pads turned out to be like bed pads but were rectangular. They looked like underpads you put in your underwear on the package.

Stabbed in the heart

More Twitter rant here.

If you have been following my blog for 7 years, you probably know I hate passive aggression. I think I have also mentioned I also have anxiety.

Last night on Twitter, someone posted about how hard 4th of July is for them because of their PTSD. I asked about ear plugs and noise cancelling headphones.

I don’t get a response but I do get several likes so I assume everything is fine.

But today in early noon, I find a post by this person about PTSD and it’s about fireworks. I read it and realized the whole post was about me but it was guised as a general post and as awareness. She also had it tagged as ableism. I checked her profile and saw she had unfollowed me. I felt stabbed because instead of telling me why that solution wouldn’t work, she decided to make that post instead and made me out to be some bigot. First of all, she never said fireworks were illegal where she is. I also know people with PTSD that do stay inside and put on thick headphones and listen to music or watch TV. I was trying to be helpful and supportive and this is what I get? It just makes me not want to talk to people if I am going to be reminded what a horrible person I am because of my social skills. Once someone gets offended by me, I cease interaction with them. I don’t know what else will offend them so I just drop them. I unfollowed her since I would no longer interact and I blocked her too not too long later.

I talked to my husband about it so he would know why I was in a bad mood. Interent stuff again because I had offended someone by mistake and instead of telling me what I said wrong, she had to be passive aggressive about it and unfollow me. I am not going to get offended if you tell me what I do wrong if you aren’t salty about it or mean about it or have some attitude and aren’t passive aggressive about it.

My husband thinks I did nothing wrong and it’s her problem and not mine. I was just trying to be helpful and she took it wrong. I am trying to forget about it and my husband said he doesn’t care when he offends people and it happens to him too. He will never see them again. I decided to forget her and he said “yeah forget her, you will never meet her.”

Maybe I did nothing wrong. How am I supposed to know since other PTSD people have used that stuff, even autistic people use them too for in public to avoid sensory overload. I dont think I have seen any of them scream “ableism” whenever someone suggested noise cancelling headphones. But she decided to take my question and turn it into something else.

I don’t normally block people on twitter but this time I did because she had stabbed me and I didn’t want to deal with her if she sees my rant on there too.

My anxiety just makes me not want to talk to people because I could offend them with my social skills and then they will block me or ignore me because of something I said and it makes me feel terrible. Then when I finally get myself out there, something like this happens and I am reminded again why I have anxiety and reminded how bad I am at socializing. I have messed up a lot and been singled out and rejected. I have also been stabbed in the back too. Now it just makes me angry so I have the “fuck you” attitude. So sick of this bullshit.

Edit 7/5/19

After getting support on Adisc, Heidi, my friend from Daily Diapers, my husband, I have come to realize this was not a social and communication issue on my end and it was just the other person with the problem. I still think I made the right choice in blocking her. I wouldn’t have realized I did nothing wrong if it weren’t for me posting about it. Some people really do suck.