I used to be one of those morons who thoughts people can just quit anything if they try hard enough. Put down the cigarette, put down the drink, flush down the drugs, etc. My mom compared it to me liking ice cream and asked me if I am willing to not eat it for the rest of my life. What I got out of it was “so people like that stuff like I do with ice cream except I don’t have ice cream everyday and I won’t go crazy if I don’t have any so why are they tossing their money away on that stuff and stealing for drugs and also having financial issues over beer and cigarettes? Why have I cut out luxury foods to save on grocery bills?” That was a bad analogy then my mom had used.
As a joke I used to say I am too poor to eat all the time and being poor keeps me thin. Then I got pregnant and had to eat more food (I had an eating disorder before then) and all I would eat was whole wheat stuff and fresh food, no canned food or desserts or any high sodium foods and I would occasionally eat something unhealthy. As a result it made me lose weight while I gained the baby weight and then I was way below my pre pregnancy weight after I had my son and I was getting comments from people I knew “You have lost weight” and it was all unintentional what I did. I never intended on getting thinner. My only intention was avoiding gaining the unnecessary weight by eating healthy and following the pregnancy diet like a bible it became my new special interest. I even got a comment from a random stranger, “It doesn’t look like you just had a baby, how much weight did you gain, a pound?” If only she had seen my belly, she would see it was still bloated out but I had on a loose shirt so she didn’t see my midriff. I couldn’t even wear my regular jeans yet either so I was still wearing my maternity pants. But I did experience random bladder leakage and it would happen off and on randomly and still does to this day, I just leak it in my diaper. I figure that is from child birth than from wearing and using them.
But my husband decided to get me a Red Bull one day, a sugar free one and I drank it and liked the taste. He started to buy me one every time we would go to a 7-Eleven that is less than a mile from our house to buy his father a beer or something or anything they needed and plus we would get milk there than driving two miles to a near department store or grocery store. I started to get hooked on Red Bulls and I realized I had gotten myself addicted to them when I would always be thinking about having one and be mentally craving it. I started to wonder if this is how an addiction feels except I don’t have any physical symptoms.
Another thing about Red Bulls is it makes me wet my diapers and I would enjoy drinking them but it was because I was always mentally craving it. Then my in laws moved out and I was still mentally craving it and we would still go to the store and get one and I started buying one every time I was at a store and even going to a zero calorie Rockstar at Goodwill since they have no Redbulls. The Rockstar doesn’t taste as good as a sugar free Redbull and I have tried to pear flavor and I still like the regular sugar free one. But I am still addicted to Red Bulls, not to those 5 hr energy drinks and not to any Rockstars or any other energy drinks that are juice.
I once bought a orange juice energy drink years back when I was visiting Montana and then going home and driving long distance gets me tired so I use energy drinks on the road to keep me alert since my husband can’t drive. With kids I don’t think I need them anymore since we have to stop anyway and walking around wakes me up. That is another reason why I don’t like driving. I have many reasons why I don’t like driving but I still drive anyway because I have to, how else will my kids get to school? And I find it more convenient and we can afford the gas. But I will always be the last person to drive when there are other people because too many people in the car distract me I often tell my son I can’t listen to him talk because I am watching the road. But when there are less cars, I can listen better because there isn’t as much to focus on.
Then I decided to try and wean myself off Red Bulls and just suck it up. I realize I can save money by not drinking them and coffee is cheaper in the long run but I don’t like coffee. I know I can also save money on diapers too by not wearing them all the time but I like them too much and I am forced in them anyway. I could also save money on my game I always play because I buy premium content in events and during the tower challenge. I have been using gems now to save because I hoard them and I use Microsoft Rewards and every month I earn enough to get a $10 Microsoft ecard and I use it for the game and get more premium stuff. So that has saved me money too. There are many things out there we can all save money on but we still choose to spend our money on it like cable, Netflix, coffee, food like snacks and just eating for comfort and for fun, driving when you can just take the bus or walk, hobbies, but I just choose to try and cut out Red Bulls and it also saves me one diaper a day too so I am also saving money on diapers too in the long run. People even use money on the gym when they can just work out at home. People may even have Kindle Unlimited when they can just go to the library and check out books for free and people even go and buy books when they can just go to the library to save money. People even go to the movies when they can just wait for it to come to video and rent it on their cable or go to a Redbox to save money or just wait for it to go on a pirated website and watch it there before it is even released on video.
I also use Google Survey Rewards and I earn some money each time I take a random survey when it randomly pops up. I have used the money to buy a couple books and I am still reading them because it’s fat activist books and I only bought them just to read for entertainment and then I get bored with it and quit reading. I will read anything rather I agree with it or not because I am curious and I will follow any youtube channel and I would follow a bunch of controversial pages too on Twitter but I don’t want that to reflect on me as a person and my page would get flooded with TERF stuff, and MAP stuff and right wing stuff and Trump stuff, etc. if I follow too many non ABDL pages. I am just like my dad, we both listen to things we don’t like because we want to hear what crap they say and my dad will get mad at whoever he is listening too and start cussing. I don’t get mad what I listen to. I even watch Dr. Phil because of the drama and there have been some episodes that have gotten me angry. There was one episode that got me so angry I will never watch that episode again. I just remember it too well so I don’t need to see it again.
After deciding to cut out Red Bulls, I couldn’t resist them any longer and am back to drinking them again and buying them every time I am at a store. I even stopped at a Plaid Pantry and bought three Red Bulls because they had a sale. Then I stuck the drinks in my diaper bag where the bottles go and I didn’t even drink them in the dorms I was cleaning because I get head aches due to getting dehydrated and it was very hot that day. Red Bulls make me pee a lot and I didn’t want to pee out all my water and get dehydrated and have head aches. I didn’t crave them that day until after I got off work.
I never thought I could get addicted. I only deal with mental cravings. I wonder if this is how people feel about coffee? At least it’s normal. I am pretty sure my Red Bull addiction is normal because it doesn’t interfere with my life. I used to call myself a diaper addict as a joke because if I went too long of not wearing, they would be on my mind all the time and consume my thoughts and I the urges would get stronger and stronger and so would the thoughts. Now I don’t have that anymore because I wear them 24/7.