Anita Trials

I first read this story when I was 15 and it became one of my favorites. Very little has been added to it since and the author has since abandoned it and has no intention of finishing it. You can read the story here:

I saw it first posted on Bravenet story board that was owned by James.

In this story, Anita is a 18 year old senior high school girl who is an only child who had accidentally discovered her diaper fetish when she was 16. Her parents are too busy with their lives and live their own lives so she lives hers but I assume it’s because she is pretty much grown and she has a POS car her parents had given her and she has a job so that allows her to wear 24/7.

Back when I read this story, I couldn’t relate to the character because she was older than me and had a job and drove and wore 24/7. I had none of that. Another thing about this story is she is only a DL and there is no AB element to it and she doesn’t seem to be young at heart either. She also seems to be an ordinary senior girl and she seems to only have one friend and seems to misunderstand school assignments. That part I can relate to, not understanding school assignments and having very little friends. But she still seems normal. She wasn’t special needs or anything.

But sadly the author left us hanging, it ended with her mom finding out about her diapers and she manages to take them all while Anita is at school and probably tossed them out or something. Anita has a bad day at school because she had messed up her bladder from using diapers and then she goes out on a date and she wore a diaper again but didn’t bring any extras and she runs off to the bathroom after her crush kisses her.

Now it has always pissed me off that her mother took her diapers, she was 18 and bought them with her own money and 18 is an adult. Why did her mom even give a darn? I even thought at 15 if I found out my own kid was wearing them and if they were that old, I wouldn’t even care and just mind my own business because it’s their life. They have a job, they buy them, they decide to wear them, well they can handle it then and deal with any consequences on their own if someone finds out about it. It didn’t take long for my mom to find out but she never took them from me but she made sure I knew she did not like it so it was very confusing for me. She would act supportive about it but yet then show disgust about it. I didn’t wear 24/7 then because I didn’t have the money and I knew my mom wouldn’t be pleased and I didn’t want to be dealing with her comments. Then I moved out and I worked more hours because I had a different job and I went 24/7 then and my mom wouldn’t be around to make comments about it and go “You’re wearing diaper, yuck” and saying “Oh Beth” in a disgust tone. I could be discreet about it but she would just grab me there or pat me there and make those comments. People online think this was her way of trying to get me to quit, my husband thinks so too and even Jerry thought so too when we were together. But it didn’t work and now damage has been done. Now it’s hard for me to be open about it when she brings it up because I think she is going to be critical about it and be disgusted. It will probably be years before I can fully trust her. She has tried to get me to be open about it but I won’t change in front of her or even undress in front of her because I still think she is going to be critical when she sees my diaper.

In our American culture, we shame people to get them to stop doing things we don’t like or to get them to change a behavior we don’t like. Even parents shame their kids about anything.

Then we move back in together in 2012 and I knew then “well I am not going to beg my daddy to let me quit wearing them 24/7 and I am going to be wearing them rather my mom likes it or not.” I think my mom got the hint fast when I would leave the room every time she saw the diapers because I didn’t want to hear any critical comments about it. Then all of a sudden all the critical comments were gone and everything else. I don’t know if it was a coincidence or me running out of the room each time. There is no block button so I just left the room each time. I wasn’t going to deal with it anymore. This took ten years for my mother to come around with my diapers. She had always been wishy washy about it over the years. Now she isn’t anymore and has been totally positive about it. I don’t run out of the room anymore when she sees them or makes a comment about it.

I wonder how it would have turned out for Anita in the story, would her mom have come around? Does she start sneaking diapers? Does Anita move out and live with her friend and have her diapers get shipped there than to her house? How does Anita explain to her crush why she took off to the restroom when he kissed her? Why was it even call Anita Trials? The author just left us all hanging. Just imagine if her mom came around because she saw after she took her diapers away, it made her daughter distant from her and made her rarely be at home and realized “well at least she isn’t doing drugs and isn’t drinking, at least she is still going to school and still getting good grades so I guess her wearing diapers isn’t bad after all and she made that choice and I would hate to force her away when she will be off to college next year so it’s better to have her here before she goes off to college and I will pay her back for all the diapers and pants I took from her.”

I wonder if my mother figured out her making critical comments about my diapers was pushing me away and was building a wall between us so she had decided to accept me for it. All it took for me was to decide I wasn’t going to put up with her diaper bigotry so I started to walk away, no block button but I can walk away. I guess I finally snapped.

I’m just a big kid

I have called myself an AB and I have evolved over the years with it. I used to have baby toys and baby pacifiers and bottles and some kid books. But I never really liked baby toys and found them all boring and only thing you can do with them is just fiddle with them in your hands like I do with any toy I am holding. I do the same with my game systems too I am not even playing. I will either reinsert the game cartridge or keep opening something and putting it back on or taking in and out the stylus pin. I have ruined lot of my 3DS and DS pins and plus I can’t seem to keep anything out of my mouth so I have ruined some other stuff too. I have even ruined books from constant page flipping. When I don’t have anything, I am playing with my hands or my clothing or just pacing or rocking.

Then I had my son and all my baby toys went to him and then to his baby sister and then they went to Goodwill or went away at our garage sale. I decided I didn’t like baby toys and they are just boring and I like older toys.

When I had bottles, I liked them but then I had kids and I found I liked sippy cups better and then I moved onto big kid cups and also got rid of the bottles and sippy cups.

I also had baby pacifiers but would hurt my teeth and I found out they hurt your teeth because they are too small for your mouth so you need adult pacifiers. I decided to get rid of the baby ones. I never let my kids use those, they had their own which I got rid of and they never really used theirs. None of them were suckers. Though I did catch my son playing with them as a toddler and having one of them in his mouth. I did the same thing with my brother’s pacifier. I was just playing, so was he when he found them.

I had decided a long time ago my little age was 3 years but one of my online friends questioned it because I am in diapers so I told him I am just a kid who wouldn’t give up her diapers and some kids are in them late and it’s rare for any of them to never get out of them. Most kids eventually toilet train and give up their diapers. I bet no one knew I would be back in them again. I didn’t know either and I bet if someone had told me as a little girl “You will be wearing them again soon someday because you will realize you miss your diapers” and I would have thought they were lying or think they were stupid or even crazy.

Now I am wearing underwear over my diapers sometimes and I have seen little kids wear panties over their diapers when I was a kid. If I am going to wear a skirt, I want panties but I am still in diapers and need to wear them. At least I can have both than being forced to use the potty to get big kid underwear. That is why we are an adult baby, that is why we have the word adult in front of baby. We don’t have to give up diapers to get big kid underwear.

If I were to ever finally have a AB nursery, I think it would look more like a big kid room. We have no room for one now. And the kind of books I enjoy range from primary school age books to adult books. I don’t mean x rated books or erotic, I mean books you would find in any bookstore that is written for adult audience and for adolescence.

I don’t like age restrictions which is why we have adult in the word for baby and for kid. The rules change.

I am so happy to wake up to an empty bed this morning. I have been getting my son to sleep in his own bed only to wake up with him in my bed. But today the bed was empty so I was glad he never came in my room. Instead he came in just to sit on the couch to watch youtube on my Nintendo Switch.

I still had my adult pacifier clipped to my shirt so I took it off and hid it under the pillow. My diaper was also soaking wet and uncomfortable and I knew I would probably leak if I wet it again. I felt the urge to go again but I hold it and am too lazy to bother changing or even going again. I would just have to lay flat on my back and relax and pee. Then when my son left the room for something, I got out of bed and took one last piss in it and changed. It felt so good to be in a fresh diaper than feeling that clammy feeling stuck to my skin.

Then I climbed back into bed and my son came back in a few minutes later. He gave me his stuffed llama, he won it yesterday at the fair, to hold and told me I could use him any time. He felt softer than Oddball. He also crawled into bed with me just to give me a hug and a back rub and he had his body up against my butt and he didn’t even notice my diaper. He never says anything about it anymore. Either he has stopped noticing or he has picked up it’s something to not be discussed. I am not going to talk about my lifestyle with him. Some think I should be open about it but I don’t feel comfortable about it. Like shall I tell him “Yeah that is my diaper” “Because I like wearing them” “I like how they feel” “I don’t like getting up to use the bathroom, remember when I told you how people either hold it or they pee in a bottle and some even go outside and I used to just pee in the forest whenever I was walking in it”? I think if I were incontinent, it would be easier for me to talk about but since I choose to wear them, I don’t want to talk about it and I don’t want to lie to him either. The truth could come out so lying is always a bad idea. One of my online friends thinks he could put two and two together when he is older and laugh about it with his friends. But I think he will also see I am not extreme with it where I go AB in public and make it real obvious I am padded and I keep it at a low level. You can find characters on adult clothes in stores, toys are collectibles, Legos are art, lot of adults watch kid shows, lot of adults play video games. I think you can still be yourself just as long as you keep it at an appropriate level. I have no idea where other ABs are getting they can’t be themselves.

I will never understand the mentality some have where they feel the need to flaunt it and be a AB in public or why they feel the need everyone must know they have on a diaper. I even read a story on Dailydiapers by someone about how they knew someone who was an AB and he couldn’t even keep it in his bedroom or do it when his kids were not around. But anyway he would be a AB in his home in front of his kids and his kids were so embarrassed they never had anyone come over because they didn’t want them to see how their dad is. What I got out of it was, “oh your kids won’t be confused if you are openly wearing diapers and dressed as a baby and going goo goo gah gah but they sure as well won’t invite any of their friends over and will make excuses why they can never come over.” Only time I have ever openly dressed as a baby but I didn’t show off my diaper, was when it was Halloween. My son just thought I looked silly and my husband told him it was Halloween so you are supposed to be silly. One year I even had my then infant daughter in a teddy bear costume and I pretended she was my stuffed bear and the stroller was my doll stroller and I was pushing my bear in it. We all went to The Children’s Museum and it was on Halloween so everyone was dressed up. My son was too young to even have an opinion about my costume.

I was more open about it when my son was real little because he was a toddler so he wouldn’t even know what was going on and then he would forget about it when he is older once I started doing it more privately. I used to write about it all the time here so it goes all the way back to 2012 and 2013. I know some ABDLs are against that but I say “what is the big deal? They won’t remember.” Parents even have sex in front of their little ones. But I have even seen other parents say how wrong that is. I don’t see that as involvement. As kids get older, you just adjust. I have gotten hate comments about my lifestyle years ago and claimed I was affecting my kids and how they will need therapy and what a horrible mother and daughter I am and how I need therapy. People are just ignorant and maybe they were just trolls. I know one of them obviously was. I have also gotten positive comments about it like they all seemed to be surprised how I can wear diapers 24/7 and still be a parent like that is some sort of accomplishment and a miracle. Uh diapers are just underwear, they don’t affect your mentality and how you function and live. I also think people underestimate kids and kids don’t really care what their parents wear, what types of bras they wear or underwear or what clothes they have on and that includes diapers and pads or tampons women use for their periods. They will be curious at first about anything. I also think people think going 24/7 is extreme so they question your sanity and how stable you are but when you are living an adjusted life and still work and still raise happy kids, wow, what a miracle. ABDLs judge other ABDLs for how they live their lives like when they go 24/7. They see it as extreme and taking over your life. They are also against other ABDLs wearing diapers for depression and anxiety or for happiness and say go to therapy instead than using diapers. To me this is all ironic because they are ABDLs themselves but are acting so diaperphobic about it so it makes me think they don’t fully accept it in themselves.

Okay, I don’t need a cookie or a medal for living a normal life and having happy kids just because I wear diapers 24/7. Do incontinent people get these things too? I wouldn’t think so. I think wearing 24/7 without a medical problem is no different than having bladder or bowel problems.

Rather people are negative or positive about my lifestyle still shows their ignorance. I think I will take the positive over the negative only because I like proving people wrong. Negative people will never admit to being wrong, once they have formed their own opinion, they have made up their mind and won’t change it. At least with positive people, they are admitting to being wrong when they show their amazement and then are congratulating you for doing something normal that is expected of everyone. But these things always happen with the minority. I am sure a drug user would get congratulated for living a stable life and having happy kids despite being a drug addict. I even wonder if that is even possible because every drug addict story I hear, they are all stealing from people and lying to get drugs and will go into ER just for drugs and they are all unstable and the kids are unhappy because all their money goes to drugs so that is why I don’t like drug addicts and have a hard time feeling sympathy for them. I can understand if they got addicted to their prescription and then it’s up to them to seek treatment for it and by then I will be supportive about it but if they just chose street drugs and decided to just start doing them and also choose to not seek help, I have no sympathy and don’t want them near me.