As a follow up to my post about https://lifeasadiaperedmother.wordpress.com/2019/03/29/does-someone-at-work-know/ I am thinking who I know might have left it on my cart. This one co worker whose mother had died so she had to take some time off work. I can’t remember which one it was since I get those two ladies mixed up because I am not good at remember people. I still forget names too when people come and go and I can’t keep track of whose name is who because by the time I remember, they then quit working there and then another person is working there and I have to start all over again from remembering their name. I didn’t seem to have this problem as a kid because it was consistent of who the students were and they would stay and kids didn’t come and go so I always had time to know all their names and then they would stay at my school. We lived in a area where no one was poor because it was all houses around and we lived in the suburbs, there was no low income housing nearby nor apartments. In high school it was when I started to notice I couldn’t remember names anymore and it was harder and I thought my memory was just going bad. That was because we would get lot of foster kids in our school and they would come and go and also we would have different students in each class. I can just remember seeing some strange kids and then they would be gone and back then I just thought it was because I didn’t know them so I didn’t get to hear their name and because they were not in my class, zero. Back then I didn’t think much of it then because I had excuses for it. It got worse in my adulthood and I thought I was losing my mind until I realized this was a common issue in autism thanks to my local support group and online forums. Perhaps it’s also a executive functioning issue too because I found out it also affects memory and I have gotten shamed for it and it’s been a struggle to get my parents to understand too how important is for me to have stuff in certain spots and leave things where I can see it like my mail than tossing it in a pile with the other old mail and new mail. I would leave my parents mail on the kitchen counter for them to see it than tossing it in a pile and not telling them. But yet it was hard for them to do it because they expected me to always dig in the junk on the dining room table for any mail and I told them I can’t remember to do that so it helps me if they just leave it where I can see it like on the kitchen counter. They have gotten better at it now. I think it was when I told my mother “How am I supposed to open my mail if no one tells me I got it? I don’t toss your guys mail in a pile with the old stuff and not tell you, instead I leave it on the counter for you guys to see” and my mom finally understood. I think she finally imagined herself how annoying it would be to have to sort through all that mail and organize it to see if there is any new mail and that would be annoying if done on a daily basis and having to drop everything to do it. No wonder I did’t want to check the pile for any new mail. I probably didn’t notice this in my childhood because I had adults do everything for me and they always would tell me where something is if I asked and no one shamed me about it and we didn’t get different kids a lot at my school because we were not poor and didn’t live in a poor neighborhood and we always had the same neighbors and when some would move and new ones would move in, they stayed for a while. We weren’t constantly getting new neighbors. Another issue I had at my old work was they were constantly rearranging things and they would do this like multiple times a month. I was expected to remember where everything is but the problem was they would always move things and I was still expected to know where they moved it too. I couldn’t even ask where something was without getting shamed for asking. It came to a point where I would just start looking around and that would always lose time because I would spend like 10 minutes looking for where they put the bar of soap one of the guests had asked for. By the time I would remember where everything is now, the following day they would be moving it again and boom, I would have to start over. This is probably why I lose my temper sometimes when someone touches my stuff and moves it and I like to know where everything is and not have anyone touch it. I even have certain spots where I put my stuff so I always know where it is so I am not constantly losing things and misplacing things. When you are a child, you have less expectations but when you are an adult, there are more so your problems start to appear and it’s not like they had just started. I used to get real hard on myself and mentally beat myself up because I thought it was something I had control over and I had to try harder and then I would get anxiety for failing or messing up. I just didn’t know this was a deficit I had in my brain and not something I could help but I can do things to help with it like have routines and keep things in certain spots and yes be accommodated by being allowed to ask where things are and have them tell me and show me and be patient with me when it takes me a while to get into that routine. My mom says that old boss was just an asshole but I think it’s unfair to call someone an asshole for not knowing about your disability because they were expecting your brain to work like everyone else’s and expecting you to be like everyone else. How are they supposed to know if you don’t bother to tell them your diagnoses? If you tell them and they still don’t bother to read up about it and try to understand it, then you can say they are an asshole. I was also expected to make lists too but that didn’t help because I would forget to look at it and forget about that task. I need verbal reminders. I am surprised I didn’t get fired but I suspect that was why I was never put back on full time again when they had to lay off the majority of their workers when business slowed way down and then whey things picked back up again, all those people returned to work and I was only used for when someone called in sick. I quit working for that reason when I realized I was never going to get full time back and my employment was about to run out. Because I had so much troubles there, I didn’t have a problem using that place as a reference for my past employment when I went on SSDI. I knew there was going to be negative stuff about me and that is the whole point of getting on disability is being honest about yourself and not hide anything or try to appear normal. I also realized improv acting wasn’t for me because you constantly switch roles and it’s hard to keep track of who is playing who and the fact you have to come up with lines on the spot and there are no scripts so I decided to stick with other acting projects.