I was reading a thread on raisedbynarcissists on Reddit and it reminded me of a story about Jerry that has something to do with ABDL slightly.
I remember the day when Jerry kept telling me how stupid he is. I kept telling him he was not because I didn’t think he was. He knew how to fix cars, he could drive, he worked, he had a good sense of direction and had a GPS in his head because he once worked as a delivery driver and he remembered lot of stuff and told good stories about when he was still with his ex. But no he kept insisting he was stupid. I kept saying he was not and the more he kept on saying it, I realized he was stupid in one area. ABDL because he kept comparing AB to pedophilia so I finally agreed with him and told him he is stupid about ABDL because he won’t listen to me about it when I try to educate him about it and he keeps thinking adult babies are real babies and calling people who love them as a pedophile. There came the tears and he started to sob. I was “self centered” and I had made him cry. It was my fault for what I did. He laid on his bed and cried and cried. Now I had to try and find a way to make him feel better so I told him everyone is stupid. We’re all stupid in certain subjects. Not all of us want to listen and learn things and understand so we’re stupid there. We’re all stupid. Smart people can be stupid, smoking is stupid and smart people still do it, smart people still do drugs. We’re all stupid. I also laid on top of him to try and make him feel better.
After knowing for a year now he is a narcissist, I wonder if this was manipulation he was doing. Those fake tears, trying to fish for a compliment and it backfired so next came the crying. I don’t know if I gave him what he wanted but he was all of a sudden better and the tears were gone. I realize this is not “normal” behavior and “normal” people don’t do this. “Normal” people wouldn’t keep on putting themselves down and keep on doing it after being told what they think of themselves isn’t true and then finally crying when the person does finally agree with them. I even told him he was the one who kept saying he was stupid after I told him he was not so he pushed me to say he is stupid. Then he said “you were supposed to say “No you are not stupid.” Oh so because I wasn’t saying those exact lines, he kept on pushing it and then he cried when he didn’t hear that line and because he didn’t get that line from me, I was “self centered” and he blamed it on my diagnoses. Then the whole thing was over. But he never did this scheme again.
But this sort of thing is very familiar I read in raisedbynarcissists. It’s as if the N tries to egg their victim to tell them something they don’t want to hear or trick them to say it so when the victim does have the balls to say it, the N blames it on them. It was as if my ex was trying to egg me to tell him he is dumb and then there comes the crocodile tears while in the other stories I read, it’s the gas lighting and the blame being put on the victim and the N going into rage while my ex did it in a covert way I had started to think there was something wrong with me and I could never do anything right. But I say when my nex did this to me, it backfired so he never did this again. I instead put the blame on him. I unintentionally played his game and because I did, it was the “Asperger’s” that did it and I was “self centered.”
And people sometimes ask me how did I even get into a relationship with this guy. I know they don’t mean it literally, they are just saying why was I with him if he was a jerk. That is a very difficult question to answer, it’s difficult for anyone to answer.
But in the thread it was pretty hilarious when the OP wrote that her Nmom told her she had abused her as a baby too, she was crying all the time and my reaction was “just when did it become parental abuse to cry?” being sarcastic of course and then I said anyone who thinks that is abusive is mental. I don’t say my kids abuse me just because my son liked to smear feces on walls as a two year old and now my daughter likes playing with her poop and getting it on herself and she got it on her toy piano and her bedroom door yesterday and I don’t say my kids are abusing me by being loud and rowdy and my son riling my daughter up with his hyperactivity. I know they are not doing it to torment me. They’re kids. I have them outside right now playing while I sit on the porch typing this. But sometimes I do find humor in these narc stories. The victims find humor too also. Sometimes you have to find humor in a abusive situation to make a light of it. I do now look at my ex as having a temper tantrum when we were together. Him calling me self centered, him getting upset with me and mad at me and crying, all him throwing a tantrum just like a young child. Even one aspie told me on ADISC he thinks my ex was just using his emotions as an excuse to get his way so it’s not that he was over sensitive. Back then I just saw it as his opinion and now I think he is right. The Nmom in the OP’s thread had asked her if she ever made any mistakes in her parenting and the OP dared to say yes and bam the mother accuses her of arguing with her and telling her to quit blaming her and she did nothing wrong and that she abused her as a baby because she was crying all the time and she doesn’t complain. Then some people share their stories and it felt familiar to this I went through when my ex wouldn’t quit telling me how stupid he is.