What if my ex wasn’t a narcissist?

So I go back and forth to thinking maybe Jerry wasn’t a narcissist. It was something I wrote online to a question about what bigot thing has your friend said or done and people were talking about what their own family members have said or co workers or relatives. I wrote about my ex:

My ex boyfriend was a homophobic and he would call them fagots and say they were shoving it in their faces and then he said “I don’t dislike gays, I just don’t like their lifestyle.” Also he told me about transgender “You can’t turn into a woman, you will always be a guy.” Ironically he came out as transgender and transitioned into a woman and is now claiming to be bisexual mostly lesbian, go figure. My husband said she was just over compensating when I told him about it when I found out online by looking her son’s mother up and she turned out to be my ex. But her bigoted comments were one of the reasons why we were not together.

My ex boyfriend also hated AB/DLs so he also judged them and made fun of them and called anyone pedos who was turned on by adult babies.

What if how he treated me was all based on him over compensating? My husband thinks she was in the closet AB and I remember her telling me if she wasn’t incontinent, she wouldn’t be wearing diapers because it’s not normal. She also hated being different so what if she took that out on me so it made her not accept me so she would punish me by ignoring me because she was too embarrassed? I was just being myself than trying to be normal and she hated that. Reading at the table wasn’t normal, jumping up and down when excited wasn’t normal, my grin on my face was too childish for her, playing my Nintendo DS in public wasn’t normal. My video games were too childish and the shows I watched on TV but yet she was fine with teen shows she liked watching and movies that were made for teens but yet she didn’t like me reading seventeen magazines or having Radio Disney CDs. She was a big hypocrite. Even trying to win with her and argue and trying to show her and pointing out her hypocrisy didn’t work. She would just call it a game or come up with excuses. Then I read online that you never argue with an abuser and retaliating against them also doesn’t work because you end up hurt at the end which is so true.

I remember how relieving it was when I found out it was all about her and I did nothing wrong, it was just her because she didn’t like herself and was in denial and it only hurt her because she over compensated by taking it out on me and it killed our relationship. What if all this just made her fit the profile of a covert narcissist? Can one still be a narcissist due to over compensation and not liking themselves?

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