Adult wipes

I decided to pick up a pack at Walgreens to try them out for my BMs I do in my diapers so I am not using baby wipes. I will see how it goes and wrote about it later when it happens.

Noticed a diaper on another person

Today my group had a potluck in the park and it took over an hour for us to all start eating because people came late. There was an old guy there with a dog in our group and I noticed his shirt was up and there was the plastic pants and I knew he was wearing a cloth diaper. I bit my tongue but I really wanted to tell him his shirt was up. But he walked his dog and I didn’t really pay any attention to him so I kept focused on my own children and kept making sure I wasn’t showing. Then he was gone because he wasn’t there while we were eating and I don’t even know his name and I won’t recognize him in the group if I see him again. I don’t even know if he is even part of our group or if he was just a family member of our group member. But that is what you get with autism, not recognizing people and sometimes it is a good thing. But at least I can recognize my own family members and people at my work and my own husband and children so I know I do not have prosopagnosia.

A blog article I have always liked

This is an article I have always liked. I am not sure if this was ever actually real because this is where you talk to a cat and the answer is ghost written by a human which I assume is the owner. But I was never sure if this was made up or if this is actually real and it was submitted to him/her.

Dear Readers:

I am on vacation this week! Please enjoy this classic letter that you may have missed the first time!


Dear Tazi:

I started wearing adult protective underwear (aka “adult diapers”) when I was pregnant with my daughter and having bladder control problems. Tazi, they were so comfortable I did not want to stop using them, even after I no longer needed them! I rarely soil them because I wear them for comfort, not protection, but they are a lifesaver when I am stuck in traffic and can’t “hold it in” any longer!

“Emily” is now three and I never knew she noticed my protective underwear use until now. I have been trying without success to toilet train her for over a year now when the other day she screamed that “if Mommy can wear diapers so can I!” I was terribly embarrassed because she screamed it in front of several people in the children’s department store where we were shopping. Blushing I explained to onlookers that she must be confusing sanitary pads with diapers. Several people laughed and I was able to leave without humiliation.

Tazi, I am a busy work-from-home Mom. I do not have the time to fight my daughter on this issue. I know she needs to toilet train, but how is that going to happen if I am not able to set the example she needs? Do I have to give up my comfort for Emily’s developmental health?

Comfortable, Not Incontinent

There is more in the link of course and based on the answer, I hope I won’t have to give up diapers for the sake of my daughter when potty training comes. I hope she will train and my diapers won’t cause her a potty training delay. My daddy will be using potty training for me as the last resort hehe if she doesn’t train and is using me as an excuse. I will just try and keep it from her. The mother in the question thought she did too but was surprised her daughter knew. Kids know more than we think.

Things that really tick me off online about guys

Yes I know the title sounds very sexist but every time I have had a problem with another AB/DL online, it’s always been a guy, never a woman. I am aware women can be creepy too and can do the exact same thing because it has happened to one of my online friends so he had to get a restraining order on her to get her to leave him alone.

So the list:

  1. Not taking no for an answer when they ask for things so they go ‘please’ or pressure you making you feel guilty or like you are dishonest because you feel like you are making excuses because you don’t want to do it.
  2. Begging you to be their mommy and pressuring you and keep asking you to help them look for a mommy
  3. Pressuring you to do things you don’t want to do
  4. One time is never enough so if you do it once like let’s say you turn your cam on to show them what you look like or to show them something like rather it’s your artwork or your kids or anything, they will abuse it and want more more more and will want you to do other sexy things like messing your diaper in front of your webcam

You are probably thinking I am being passive-aggressive with this blog because “why don’t you just tell these guys directly instead of bitching about it in your blog?”

Here is the thing, this blog post is directed at all men in general who do this. Also I get pressured and feel tension and then feel anxiety so it’s hard to tell these guys to their face because I don’t know how they are going to react like if they will get mean or nasty and it’s the anxiety that makes it hard for me to speak up and be direct because of the shut down my brain. I do not like confrontations so I always try to avoid them, ever heard of the flight or fight response, I do flights. Not everyone is strong to be upfront and to be honest and tell them off. So if you are wondering why so many AB/DL women are so bitchy and judgmental, this is exactly why, we get hit by these men and they give us this BS so we get sick of it and start being a bitch about it and we quit being civil or friendly. We figure when we do this, you will stay away from us because you are not comfortable with our attitudes. This is also why we will sometimes block you or just simply ignore you when you send us the first message we find creepy.

Unfortunately I am too late when I do know someone’s intentions because I had already led them on unintentionally when I thought they were decent people or just curious and then they turn into creeps after I make my mistake again. I do love to chat online and then it’s always upsetting when it turns out the person I enjoyed talking to was one of those guys so the only thing I can do that is easy for me is to run. So if you are ever chatting to an AB/DL woman online and then all of a sudden she stops responding to you or logs off messenger and never comes on again, chances are you have scared her off if you did any of the above. It might not even be your intent but because we have had enough of this, we assume you are one of them. Even asking to see us in a diaper one time will be enough so we run for the hills and it wouldn’t matter if you had been talking to us for a few weeks about other things. We might just think you were manipulative and you did all that just to get us comfortable so we will show you and because we have had this happen before, we know better so we easily judge and make an assumption about you.

So men, please respect women, women, please respect everyone. Everyone, respect everyone. No means no. What you get is what you get, do not pressure anyone for more. If you want to fap, that is fine but please leave it to yourself, there are blogs for it you can fap to or AB/DL stories or diaper porn sites. If you want to see someone wet or mess their diaper or change, go to youtube for that or go to a diaper porn site even if it means paying money every month for it. We are humans, not your posers or models and I will not live on demands.

Because I have mentioned in my blog before how I am vulnerable to stress and easily pressured, of course some guys will read it and then know that about me so I have to be more careful. Also I can’t just get my body to do things when I am shy like messing in front of the camera and it’s the same as doing it in front of someone in person. Here is how my body works; when i have to poo, there has to be enough pressure for it to come out. I cannot just hold it or else I will get constipated. I cannot poop on schedule, it’s all inconsistent when I have to go. I get constipated a lot so I can’t just go when I need to, I would be lucky if the poo is real soft so it comes out real easily but it depends on what I ate and I don’t do diets. Too much work for me and too stressful and I hate food limitations. So I will not poop on demand or do it on camera because of how inconsistent my body is and I will not make any promises. I also don’t like to poop in front of anyone. I’m sorry but I have ran into way too many creepy guys before and I am not doing this again or dealing with any bullshit or any five year old attitude so you will be blocked if you do this. It’s a lot easier for me to express this on here and in PM or email but not on IM which is why I tend to do long emails and PMs when we talk through there. My brain often shuts down when I feel pressure or tension so I am not able to speak up so I need to get away from that person, get away from the situation. It often makes me feel dishonest because why can’t I just be direct and speak up? I wonder if lot of women feel this way about men and go through what I go through? But now you know why we are so “dishonest.”

I also don’t want to make promises and then find out I can’t do it because who knows how the guys will react because “But you promised” like they are little five year olds who don’t understand because when you tell a young child you will do something, it better happen and no shit better happen that will keep you from doing it or they will be very upset because they don’t understand so therefore they will think you lied to them. But the difference is they are actually adults, not little five year olds so they are capable of understanding. So it’s just easier to just say no and I shouldn’t have to explain my social anxiety too for it to explain why it would also be difficult for me to say why or tell them more of a specific reason for why I am saying no. I don’t like talking about my problems, just because I have online or in my blog doesn’t mean I will want to talk about it in person and volunteer that information. This blog is a safe place for it and other places online where people are talking about theirs because they would understand. Lot of people don’t understand them which is why I don’t talk about it or want to bother explaining because they all look like excuses to a normie.

In case any guys here don’t understand what I said above and need more specific directions, I will dumb it down:

  1. No begging someone to be your mommy or begging them to help you look for one, if we say no, we say no and what advice they give you is all you get, don’t pester us for more
  2. Just because we post photos of ourselves online or us in our diapers does not mean we will show you more on request or demand, what you see is all you are going to get, do not ask us for more got it? What we show you is what you get, especially with sharing photos.
  3. Just because we turn on our web cam does not mean we will have it on all the time or do it on request and it does not mean we will pose for you or be your fapper or a diaper pron star for you
  4. Just because we are your mommy once or a few times does not mean we will want to do it all the time and want to keep on doing it
  5. We don’t want to see your crotch shots or your penis, just because you want to show us something and then not tell us does not mean we want to see it, we don’t know what you want to show us so this is not an invite for you to show us
  6. Just because we write “fap” posts or do a “fap” blog does not mean we want to fap to you
  7. Women, if you are a creep, the above applies to you too but scratch out penis and replace it with boobs, vagina, and pussy. If you are a trans, this also applies to you too.

No fear

About a couple days ago someone asked me online if I am afraid if people will notice I wear diapers under my clothes because he saw my picture here. I assume he was talking about my diaper camel toe.

I have been wearing diapers for so long (I started at 17) I have learned that people don’t really pay attention to the sound and the outside world seems to drone out the sound and people don’t really know the bulge is the diaper and they don’t really notice. Do I go out and look at peoples butts and crotches to see if they have a diaper on? Jerry did that all the time but I didn’t. I am too wrapped up in myself to even care or even think about it so why would anyone else care too? They are also to wrapped up in themselves to even notice. So I came to a point where I don’t care about the sound or the bulge and how big my butt is or how it looks in the front (diaper camel toe). No one is going to know.

I also came to a point where I don’t even worry about showing anymore. I don’t do it on purpose or even try and have them show, I just wear my normal clothes and everyone in the home knows I wear them so I don’t really care if they show. My husband told me today I was showing when I bend down or lean forward and I told him I didn’t care because everyone in the house knows I wear them. But he thought he would just let me know so I wouldn’t go outside like that (leaving our property).

Back to Classicos

Because I had been wearing Bellisomis for nearly two months, the Classicos feel thin now. They also feel crappy now because I got to used to the Bellisimo I could wear it all day and through the night.

I got more diapers on the Bambino website but they were only doing the sales on the Dry Plus this time. I got two cases again, the X Plus kind. They are supposed to be good as the Classicos.

My diaper camel toe

This is me at work after I have finished working and this is a Bellissimo under my jeans. I am standing against the white wall in the bright room because the lights are fluorescent. It looks photo shopped because of the whiteness.

Message to my online friend in Oregon

My email account had been hacked so you will no longer see me online or if you do, that person is probably sending you spam or being a bot or sending you spam from my email account.

But I am using my other email I have put in this blog you can find in About Me so you can add that user ID to your messenger. Sadly I just cannot remember your username due to random numbers at the end.

Update: I apparently got my old email address back because my other password just started working again. Either it was some weird glitch in the system or they fixed it and didn’t tell me but I changed my password anyway. But I have like four different email addresses. The 5th other one I have not used since high school so I have no idea if the other one is active and the 6th one I have not used since high school so I have no idea if that account is still active. But I will say I have four email accounts. Wait, five email accounts I have. Two yahoo, one Hotmail, one gmail, and one aol. I had one other yahoo account but I think that closed because yahoo automatically closes accounts when they have not been active for no more than a year and because I never logged into that account, it would be inactive.

Lesson my ex taught me

So I still go back and forth sometimes about rather Jerry was a narcissist or not.

There was one thing I remember that makes me go thinking maybe he wasn’t one was I was an AB and he was only a DL but he hated ABs and thought they were all pedophiles and sickos. I naively thought he would change his mind once I educate him and show him. I wanted to be accepted by him so I “shoved it in his face” he called it. I would keep trying to tell him about it, I even used my baby things in front of him to show him how adult babies are still adults, not real children and they are not retarded (pardon the slur word because I am not fond of political correctness and even Temple Grandin still uses the word in her books, mentally retarded). But he called it a game and said I did it to piss him off so I did it for real just to drive him crazy because he was a bigot and narrow minded and willful ignorant and I don’t like willful ignorance. I just wouldn’t give up trying to educate him but I am sorry but you can’t educate stupid. If people don’t want to open their minds and listen and learn, you can’t make them. So I was the one being closed minded because I was not accepting that he was not into it and not comfortable with it. But I realize it was the way he handled it because he judged us and made fun of me about it and used it against me, not because he wasn’t comfortable with it or wasn’t interested.

Then I remember the other shit he has done so it makes me realize ABDL did not cause this nor was it my fault because if it wasn’t ABDL, he would have still found something else to abuse me about. If it was only this he did and not the other shit he has done which I have blogged about already, then I would think he was not a narcissistic but because he did the other stuff, I go back to thinking “yep he is one.” Remember, his ex did leave him and she wouldn’t even let her children talk to him or even let her daughters see him and she would always have to meet us in the parking lot when we would get his son and to drop him off. She also came with her boyfriend always. Gee, why is this? This should also tell me something. there is probably something about him I don’t know about.  Also she would always threaten to leave him and take their son with, also she claimed her son wasn’t his so he had to go get a copy of his son’s birth certificate to prove it. Mmm why, maybe because she wanted him to stop abusing her so she used their son to threaten to leave him and to take him with, maybe she claimed he wasn’t his because she didn’t want him in her life and when you have kids together, you have to still see the kid’s parent unfortunately and still deal with them until the day they turn eighteen or leave high school, maybe after too because there might be adult kid issues they would have to deal with together. But if your partner is abusive, you might do anything to try and get the kid’s parent out of your life and some other parents keep the parent in their kid’s life. My brother’s girlfriend is a bitch because there are things she has done that is mean and she lies to her children about us but my brother never alienated her from their kids because he thinks his kids have a right to their mother and to keep his and her issues separate from them. She is only nice when she wants something and she puts on a nice act for everyone so she seems nice when you know her. But anyway Jerry’s ex finally grew a bone and took their kid and left him with her daughters. But I will never know for sure if the stories he told me about her were lies. But the way he treated me does make me wonder how he treated his ex and if that is why she left him.

But the lesson I learned here is if someone doesn’t understand AB/DL and they are ignorant about it and associate it with kids or feel like they are with a child, and think it’s pedophilia or think you are sexually attracted to kids, run. Do not stay and try and educate them because you will be hurt at the end and might have resentment. If they do not accept it so they want you to do it in private, run. That can still cause damage at the end and resentment and hurt feelings because you felt you were not accepted. This is what Jerry had taught me so I always tell other ABDLs to run when they write about their partner not understanding their fetish or their needs for it.

But Jerry was a narcissist so I have no idea how a none narc acts about all this when they also don’t understand it or feel uncomfortable with it and not want it around them. But that is the only image that comes to mind when I read their posts about it so my knee jerk reaction is run, leave, run for your life.

Peed on the bathroom floor

This happened yesterday.

I changed in the bathroom and I took my diaper off and clean my bottom and then I peed again and it went down my leg and on the floor. It wasn’t a lot and it was not vaginal discharge. I used the wipe to soak it and then I got another one and wiped my leg and the floor. Also when I went in the bathroom today to take a dump because I didn’t want to use my diaper for it and waste it, I saw I had a little bit of pee in my diaper because of the small yellow spot I saw. I leak urine sometimes and if I really had an excuse to wear protection, it would be pads because they would take car of my leaks sometimes when it happens. But I wear diapers instead and it’s not for this reason. But I do admit leaking urine does excite me, especially when it went down my leg in the bathroom and I had to clean it up even though it was annoying. I don’t want to pee outside my diapers but yet whenever I leak urine when not wearing a diaper, it excites me. It still does when I leak it into my diaper. This is what sometimes happens when you have kids. Bladder leakage. In fact someone at work has that problem too but it’s way worse than mine because I found Poise pads soaked with pee when I emptied out the sanitary napkin holders and it had two of them in there. Either someone used both of them at once because they won’t use a pull up or a diaper for their problem or they changed it twice in there. But I had seen them upstairs too when I have cleaned the restrooms on the main floor so I assume they came from the same person. It could be from a mother who had bladder leakage but hers is a lot worse than mine.

When I worked in a hotel in downtown, I saw a bunch of trash in the service area from a room attendant and one of the bags was popped open and in there was a very wet adult pull up with a bunch of drenched paper towels soaked with pee. I figured someone wore them in their pull up as soakers and I thought “Why didn’t they just use a diaper, it looks like they need more protection.” but sadly diapers are still stigmatized even people who need to wear them won’t wear one. They might stick with pads or pull ups instead and change like every half hour or so and waste a lot of products when they might be saving money with diapers that have tabs. My goal is not to stigmatize diapers for my kids for if they ever need to wear them such as for bed wetting or if they ever get a medical condition where they might need to wear one. You just never know what can happen to your kids in their lifetime; car accident, UTI, being beaten up, surgery, etc. I have always told my son he didn’t need to wear them anymore so he had to learn to use the potty and he won’t have to get his diapers changed anymore or having to get his butt wiped and he won’t have to be wet or messy anymore. Well that turned out to be a lie because he has wet messy farts so his underwear gets all messy, he still has to get his butt wiped after he poops or when he does wet poopy farts and thanks to my husband, he thinks diapers are for babies because he had told him kids will think he is a baby if he wears them and threatens to put him back in them and kids will make fun of him and think he is a baby because only babies wear them and saying he is a big boy now. what have I done about it? Nothing really except disagree about it and I never bother correcting him (our son) if he says diapers are for babies because I don’t want him to get into diapers and wanting to wear them. (We don’t want to raise our kids to be AB/DL) Plus I have told him his sister pooped because she is a baby and that is what babies do. How else do I explain why she did it when he asked why she pooped or why is she wet or smelly? It’s like he has forgotten I wear them so that shows us wearing them doesn’t make a difference to our kids. They will still associate diapers with babies and not seem to care that we wear them. Instead they might think that only babies and their parent only wears them because that is how concrete they are. But I don’t remind him about me wearing them and I as a mom don’t feel comfortable calling them diapers in front of him when they are mine. It feels like I am pushing my fetish in his face if I do and involving him. I also won’t even let him see me in them anymore and I also won’t let him see pictures of adults in them because I view it as porn and it’s not something I want him to be exposed to. He’s four now so times change as he gets older. Kids can see their parents naked but when they get to a certain age, their parents no longer let them see them naked but in my family we always could if we were the same gender like my brothers could see our dad naked but I couldn’t see him naked and I could see our mom naked but my brothers couldn’t see her naked but my mom and dad could see each other naked because they are married. I thought it was like this in all families but apparently not. Now my dad doesn’t care if I see him naked but I don’t want to see him naked, my mom doesn’t want me to see her naked because then I end up staring at her body. Not that it’s sexy or hot, she doesn’t have a good body but I always like looking at gross and unusual things and things that are different than what I have seen in magazines. But she is fine with seeing me naked including in a diaper but I am not comfortable with the diaper part. Yes we are a weird family.