My computer was having more and more issues and some of the keys decided to quit working sometimes so I decided to take it in and the fact the computer won’t always let me click on anything and I have often felt it was time for a new computer because it was breaking down but I found out it needed a software update and Dell was going to charge $239.
I thought about asking someone on Dailydiapers to fix my computer because he does it for free but charges men for it but for women he does for free. he even left me his phone number but I am too anxious to even call. He even hasn’t been online for months so it makes me wonder if he hadn’t been on or if I had been blocked. Every time someone hasn’t been online, it makes me wonder if I had been rejected so I am too afraid to find out. So I decided it was better to spend money to get it fixed than go through all the anxiety over a phone call to see if he can fix it.
Right now I am talking to someone from DD and I will see how long our chat lasts before it dies or when he stops responding. The other person who I had been chatting with for two years now has not been there since last Wednesday so I hope he is okay and has been busy or having computer issues again or been on a trip and I decided to stop sending him PMs until he has read them and responded. I also talked to another person months back but we have not really spoken since so I don’t know if I scared him off. Talking to that one girl on fanfiction really proved my point and justified my anxiety of talking to people because I will worry about coming off wrong and thinking of crazy things like what if someone finds me creepy, what if I come off as a serial killer or a pedophile or or worry about the usual things I have gotten in the past like what if they think I am trying to fight and argue or what if they think I am trying to insult them but disguising it or what if they think I am negative instead of me just saying things the way they are but it could have been me who wasn’t the problem because I had been thinking about it for months and I am thinking she could have projected. Maybe she does those things so she thought I did those or maybe she didn’t want a friend and she realized where it was going and she didn’t want a new one so she just had to say all those things instead of ghosting, or I was a lot like her and she hated that so she had to scare me off or it was a misunderstanding because she didn’t know me and because of text so she couldn’t hear my tone. But I hate this social anxiety and for once I do wish I didn’t give a damn about others and wish I had no feelings and no conscious, then I wouldn’t care. I wish I could just stop caring and just talk to anyone and if they don’t talk they don’t talk and if they quit talking they do and move on. It will be like the game of fishing. You fish and you won’t always catch a fish and sometimes you will catch one but they sometimes get away and some do stay caught and you are able to keep them. But you just keep trying and trying no matter how many times you don’t catch one or when one gets away and it’s the same in video games, you just keep trying and trying until you defeat the boss or a level. It can be the same with social interaction. Just keep trying and trying to figure out what I did wrong and not do that again. But even if I don’t know what I did wrong or if the fact they just got tired of being online, I will try and not worry about it because it’s only one person and there are thousands of people online, millions.
I was on Wrongplanet and someone posted a question asking why do we care what others think of us that we have to follow the rules of society and he thought others on the forum wouldn’t give a darn like him. My former online friend there was real rude to him so she was snarky with him and he responded back telling her how he didn’t appreciate her sarcasm and rudeness. Then another person responded telling him how his question came off as. I often saw at babycenter of someone asking a question and women taking it not literal so they read into what wasn’t there so they would turn into trolls and bullies by being all sarcastic and making fun of the OP and doing food porn. I didn’t feel safe there despite there being rules but they were not enforced. I realize autistic people are not any different because they can be just as bad as normies by not taking a question literal so they also get snarky and rude. But my former friend responded back and she believes the OP is just playing us and he meant to insult us but had disguised it and that scares me because it makes me worry about what if others view me that way and believe I have an agenda if I post something so that has increased my shyness and social anxiety. I look at how others get treated and it makes me uncomfortable.
At least I wasn’t nervous about taking in my computer. I just walked in and they were busy because they had few other people there and they all had a computer problem so I joked at the end “everyone must be having computer problems, it must be that time of year” and the lady apologized saying everyone just came in at once because they all needed theirs fixed. I told the computer lady what issues I was having and I had a list of the issues I had written down to make it easier for me to tell her and so I wouldn’t forget anything. I was charged a flat fee and she said they will try and get it done ASAP and there could be a chance they will have to wipe out everything if Windows needs to be reinstalled but that is just in case but it doesn’t mean it will happen and I had them to notify me if they have to wipe everything out. Luckily I saved my files to a private forum I have since I couldn’t use my external hard drive to back everything up so I had to do it the old fashioned way. I am thinking all those issues are due to the software needing to be updated but I will find out so the reason why i told them about the additional problems than saying software needs to be updated. The most they will charge is $149 and that is without any additional programs or parts.