A different perspective

When I was a kid, adults would let their kids wreck my things I built or bother me and take things I was playing with and I had to be the one in trouble for getting upset. Parents couldn’t be bothered to keep their kids away. When I was four and five, I was real mean to my brother. I pushed him down the stairs, stepped on his toes, would spray with with a garden hose until my mom did it to me to show me how it feels, and I also sat on top of him to listen to him cry and feel him kicking and never had remorse nor felt bad for doing those things. But before then I loved him and played with him and always wanted to cuddle up with him and take a bath with him but then something changed after his first birthday and then I see in the family movies he was wrecking my fort I built with my blocks and gee no wonder I was mean to him. then I hear how sweet and innocent small children are and I look at myself and remember how abusive I was at that young age to my brother so I call BS on that, they’re capable of being mean and nasty and I have seen a lot of mean kids growing up. Then I grew out of my meanness fortunately and moved onto trying to get my brothers into trouble and one time at age six I made a mess with popcorn and my mom got upset so I blamed it on my brothers and they got the blame and I got to stay up while they got sent to bed. I didn’t do this part out of revenge, I did this to avoid being in trouble. Some people might say this is all normal and call it sibling rivalry like my therapist did who I saw in high school. But when I was a kid, I was thinking early as age nine “I would never let my kid do this, if my kid is wrecking someone else’s thing they built, I would keep my kid away and not let them torment older kids. I will be a better parent than them.”
I remember when I was seven, my dad had friends over and one of them had two girls, a two year old and an older girl who was a few years older than me so I am not sure how old she was then, nine probably. But the two year old was a pain because she kept getting in the way and sitting in the middle of the train set I built and she was sitting on the tracks and wrecking them with her weight and I tired to get her out of there and tell her where to sit but she wouldn’t listen so fed up, I found a solution to my problem. Thumb tacks. I took those and started putting hem all over the rug in between the tracks thinking if she sits there, she will feel a poke and not want to sit there so her sister was telling her “Ellie, be careful, there are thumb tacks all over” and she told my parents and mom scolded me and I couldn’t understand why I was being scolded for not wanting my tracks to get wrecked. I look back and realize that was dumb and abusive. No way would that have worked but I didn’t know that then as a seven year old. That is why you don’t leave young kids un supervised and home alone because they could do something harmful to another child because they don’t know any better and won’t realize how harmful their actions are but we were all being supervised then because the adults were home but they were all downstairs but accidents can still happen. But even when I was older I thought I would never let my kid do that, what Ellie did. Then when I was in my teens I just thought the adults were lazy so they let their kids wreck things and get mad at the older kids for being upset and use their age as an excuse to wreck things and not do their jobs as a parent. Then I had my own and then I had another one and I am getting a different perspective now and am now seeing I have become those parents.

It’s tough, it’s hard, it’s tough chasing after a kid and they just keep on doing it again and again and it gets so tiring to keep stopping them and you can’t just hold them or else they scream and cry to be put down. Now I can see why those other parents were lazy, it’s exhausting so they refuse to keep on chasing after their kids and stopping them so it’s better to just let them wreck it. I tell my son to play with his toys in a higher spot and out of his sister’s reach. I tell him “don’t want it getting wrecked, don’t play with it.”

I was in 4th or 5th grade when I finally figured out I needed to quit playing with toys that belonged to everyone because they will just get wrecked and I will be the one in trouble so don’t play with them. If a kid is bugging you and keeps touching your stuff, keep it out of their reach. I tell my son to play on my bed or play out of my bedroom if he doesn’t want his sister bothering him and I will not hold her or keep chasing after her. I get it now, I get why parents are lazy, I have become those parents. It’s not that we all think little kids can torment older kids and get them all upset, it’s just so much easier if the older child just play somewhere else and play put of their reach so we wouldn’t have to keep doing our jobs as parents because it’s so exhausting to keep chasing after them when they don’t understand why they can’t touch something and not understanding the word no because they are still too little and they don’t have lot of control of their impulse yet to stop themselves. So we direct our anger at the older child for getting upset and I tell my son solutions to his problem. He also gets aggressive to his sister and I get mad at him too about it and scold him or put him in time out. Se just wants to play with whatever her brother is playing with and he doesn’t like it.

When my husband and I went to a birthday party last summer, it was a friend of my husband’s who he went to school with when they were kids and he has a son who is autistic and it was his birthday so they celebrated it and my husband and I drove all the way out there to see them and the kid loved Hotwheels, bridges, maps, and Bubble Guppies so he owned these two figures from the show. He also liked listening to the radio and was listening to it outside and had his Bubble Guppies figure on display. I waited until he wasn’t around before I felt them because I gave into the urge to feel them and he didn’t want me touching them because I asked first. My husband thought it was funny what I did and told me he would have never thought about asking and would have probably touched them anyway. But the kid knew they had been touched because they were not exactly in the same spot but he took it well. Then my son was bothering him and kept trying to get near them and he was getting upset but he wasn’t shouting or yelling but I told my son to go play with the other kids on the slide just to redirect him and to distract him. I wasn’t like those other parents who let their kids torment the older kids with their little kid behavior so I did what I wished the adults would have done with their kids when I was a kid than getting upset with me for getting upset and having anxiety. I realize I always took it step further than other kids because of the way I would react and how upset I would get and how young I would act about it and to this day I still feel traumatized by it but I was in therapy for that in high school. I now all kids get in trouble for getting upset but they are not in trouble for that, they are in trouble for how they are handling their emotions and feelings and handing the problem so the purpose of a consequence is it teaches them to control themselves better and to handle it better but that didn’t work with me. Instead I had learned that I was not to get upset so I learned to bottle everything and that caused me affect by 6th grade and I had also learned I was not entitled to my feelings, it did not teach me how to act or how to handle things, instead I had learned kids are evil lol and can get away with anything and they have more power over you and can bully you because they know you can’t do shit about it. I learned wrong because no one knew then my brain worked differently and that I saw things in a different perspective. My mom didn’t know either. But my kids are normal so I must keep myself separated from them and my past and not project it onto them and not assume it will give them the same affect it gave me.

I did see a trigger post on another form and it brought back those bad memories from when I was a kid. A mother goes on there and talks about her 21 year old son who has autism, he has the cognitive level of a 15 year old so I assume he is a slow learner then. He meets a girl and she tells him she is 17, the age of consent is 17 in Washington and that is where they live. They date and see each other and do inappropriate things you shouldn’t do to a minor, but then he found out she was actually 15 and luckily the parents didn’t press charges and they gave him a warning instead and told him if he goes near her again, then they will press charges. It was all civil and the guy stayed away from the girl. but later on, the guy is in counseling and because of the mandatory report law, the therapist had to make the report because of a conduct of a minor and now he is in serious trouble with the law. Plenty of normal guys have gotten in trouble too for being tricked by under age girls because they lie about their ages or carried fake IDs and snuck to adult parties and clubs. That is why I say never have sex with someone you just met, meet their families first and their friends and know them more before you sleep with them. Guys have gotten charged and went to prison and then ending up registering as a sex offender because of some selfish sick teen. It’s like a teen can go out and lie about her age posing as an adult and have sex with guys and not care about their dignity and their lives and their reputation. I knew since I was 12 that having sex with a kid gets you in trouble with the law because it happened to that Seattle teacher and they made a movie about it staring Penelope Ann Miller. I also knew at 15 that if I had sex with an adult, he will be in trouble, not me because I was underage. I remember there was a 15 year old girl in my high school who was pregnant and I found out the father of her baby was 20 so I said he raped her and molested her but all the teachers said laws are different in Montana so it was okay so I had learned I could have sex with 20 year old guys and have it be okay but if mom found out I did that, that will cost my trip to London. But anyway, on the forum, people didn’t want to blame the 15 year old and said she was not mature enough and bla bla bla and I called BS on that because I knew at 15 so why didn’t she. Then I realized I must have been smarter than an average teen because I knew that having sex with an adult would make them go to jail because it happened to Mary Kay in Seattle when I was 12 and I saw it on the news so I learned then. Are teens really that stupid? Then I made a post saying :

Just imagine if a minor teen was aware about the age of consent laws and knew the adult gets busted for having sex with underage minors and she hears about teens using fake IDs and getting the man busted for having sex with them. So she decides to carry a fake ID to see how any men she can fool into thinking she is 21 instead of 14 so she has sex with all these guys and then turns them into the police and has them get charged with rape and she plays the game of how many men she can trick because it’s not her fault they think with their penis right and are foolish enough to have sex with someone they just met and they don’t even know her. She could be lying about herself and carrying a fake ID and they wouldn’t know that so who’s fault is that?

I would never get myself to do this as a teen because I would feel bad for doing this and I was not some sick person out to deceive people and getting them into trouble. This sounds like something a sociopath would do. Just take advantage of the law an exploit men.

Then I decide to give the 15 year old the benefit of the doubt because I had realized how many teens are obsessed about laws like I was as a teen and watching lifetime movies about crimes and drama movies about crime? I wasn’t a normal teen so I had uncommon interests and focused more on details and I was thinking about what the laws were while other 14 and 15 year olds are too busy thinking about guys and sports and their peers and hanging out and having fun.

Maybe the 15 year old in the OP’s story was ignorant about the consequences the adults gets for having sex with a minor, even if they didn’t know the minor was underage so she now feels bad for how much trouble she got the 21 year old possibly in and now she has a hard lesson to learn too. After all not all teens are obsessed about laws so they wouldn’t know about this and not all teens have an interest in watching lifetime movies about crimes in them about real cases that have happened in real life so of course they wouldn’t know the law about if a minor has sex with an adult and they consent to it but by law they are too young to consent so wherefore the adult would be held responsible and go to prison for it.

Now that makes me wonder why isn’t slow learning recognized as a disability if they are that incapable and why do we try kids as adults? But I knew young as 14 that if I do a crime such as murder, I can be tried as an adult and be put away for the rest of my life so I would think any teen would understand this after being told or hearing about it in the media but if they are not capable of understanding that, then why isn’t it a disability if someone has the mentality of a young teen? That tells me I was smarter than a average teen because I knew. But this is all off topic so back on topic.

Sometimes we don’t get it until we have kids. Then we get a different perspective and I often feel now as a mom, things would have been so much easier as a child if I just listened to my mother. My husband laughed at that and told me that was me seeing things from my mom’s perspective now when she raised me. I wish I knew that as a kid but I doubt I would have understood it then. What kid would?