A different perspective

When I was a kid, adults would let their kids wreck my things I built or bother me and take things I was playing with and I had to be the one in trouble for getting upset. Parents couldn’t be bothered to keep their kids away. When I was four and five, I was real mean to my brother. I pushed him down the stairs, stepped on his toes, would spray with with a garden hose until my mom did it to me to show me how it feels, and I also sat on top of him to listen to him cry and feel him kicking and never had remorse nor felt bad for doing those things. But before then I loved him and played with him and always wanted to cuddle up with him and take a bath with him but then something changed after his first birthday and then I see in the family movies he was wrecking my fort I built with my blocks and gee no wonder I was mean to him. then I hear how sweet and innocent small children are and I look at myself and remember how abusive I was at that young age to my brother so I call BS on that, they’re capable of being mean and nasty and I have seen a lot of mean kids growing up. Then I grew out of my meanness fortunately and moved onto trying to get my brothers into trouble and one time at age six I made a mess with popcorn and my mom got upset so I blamed it on my brothers and they got the blame and I got to stay up while they got sent to bed. I didn’t do this part out of revenge, I did this to avoid being in trouble. Some people might say this is all normal and call it sibling rivalry like my therapist did who I saw in high school. But when I was a kid, I was thinking early as age nine “I would never let my kid do this, if my kid is wrecking someone else’s thing they built, I would keep my kid away and not let them torment older kids. I will be a better parent than them.”
I remember when I was seven, my dad had friends over and one of them had two girls, a two year old and an older girl who was a few years older than me so I am not sure how old she was then, nine probably. But the two year old was a pain because she kept getting in the way and sitting in the middle of the train set I built and she was sitting on the tracks and wrecking them with her weight and I tired to get her out of there and tell her where to sit but she wouldn’t listen so fed up, I found a solution to my problem. Thumb tacks. I took those and started putting hem all over the rug in between the tracks thinking if she sits there, she will feel a poke and not want to sit there so her sister was telling her “Ellie, be careful, there are thumb tacks all over” and she told my parents and mom scolded me and I couldn’t understand why I was being scolded for not wanting my tracks to get wrecked. I look back and realize that was dumb and abusive. No way would that have worked but I didn’t know that then as a seven year old. That is why you don’t leave young kids un supervised and home alone because they could do something harmful to another child because they don’t know any better and won’t realize how harmful their actions are but we were all being supervised then because the adults were home but they were all downstairs but accidents can still happen. But even when I was older I thought I would never let my kid do that, what Ellie did. Then when I was in my teens I just thought the adults were lazy so they let their kids wreck things and get mad at the older kids for being upset and use their age as an excuse to wreck things and not do their jobs as a parent. Then I had my own and then I had another one and I am getting a different perspective now and am now seeing I have become those parents.

It’s tough, it’s hard, it’s tough chasing after a kid and they just keep on doing it again and again and it gets so tiring to keep stopping them and you can’t just hold them or else they scream and cry to be put down. Now I can see why those other parents were lazy, it’s exhausting so they refuse to keep on chasing after their kids and stopping them so it’s better to just let them wreck it. I tell my son to play with his toys in a higher spot and out of his sister’s reach. I tell him “don’t want it getting wrecked, don’t play with it.”

I was in 4th or 5th grade when I finally figured out I needed to quit playing with toys that belonged to everyone because they will just get wrecked and I will be the one in trouble so don’t play with them. If a kid is bugging you and keeps touching your stuff, keep it out of their reach. I tell my son to play on my bed or play out of my bedroom if he doesn’t want his sister bothering him and I will not hold her or keep chasing after her. I get it now, I get why parents are lazy, I have become those parents. It’s not that we all think little kids can torment older kids and get them all upset, it’s just so much easier if the older child just play somewhere else and play put of their reach so we wouldn’t have to keep doing our jobs as parents because it’s so exhausting to keep chasing after them when they don’t understand why they can’t touch something and not understanding the word no because they are still too little and they don’t have lot of control of their impulse yet to stop themselves. So we direct our anger at the older child for getting upset and I tell my son solutions to his problem. He also gets aggressive to his sister and I get mad at him too about it and scold him or put him in time out. Se just wants to play with whatever her brother is playing with and he doesn’t like it.

When my husband and I went to a birthday party last summer, it was a friend of my husband’s who he went to school with when they were kids and he has a son who is autistic and it was his birthday so they celebrated it and my husband and I drove all the way out there to see them and the kid loved Hotwheels, bridges, maps, and Bubble Guppies so he owned these two figures from the show. He also liked listening to the radio and was listening to it outside and had his Bubble Guppies figure on display. I waited until he wasn’t around before I felt them because I gave into the urge to feel them and he didn’t want me touching them because I asked first. My husband thought it was funny what I did and told me he would have never thought about asking and would have probably touched them anyway. But the kid knew they had been touched because they were not exactly in the same spot but he took it well. Then my son was bothering him and kept trying to get near them and he was getting upset but he wasn’t shouting or yelling but I told my son to go play with the other kids on the slide just to redirect him and to distract him. I wasn’t like those other parents who let their kids torment the older kids with their little kid behavior so I did what I wished the adults would have done with their kids when I was a kid than getting upset with me for getting upset and having anxiety. I realize I always took it step further than other kids because of the way I would react and how upset I would get and how young I would act about it and to this day I still feel traumatized by it but I was in therapy for that in high school. I now all kids get in trouble for getting upset but they are not in trouble for that, they are in trouble for how they are handling their emotions and feelings and handing the problem so the purpose of a consequence is it teaches them to control themselves better and to handle it better but that didn’t work with me. Instead I had learned that I was not to get upset so I learned to bottle everything and that caused me affect by 6th grade and I had also learned I was not entitled to my feelings, it did not teach me how to act or how to handle things, instead I had learned kids are evil lol and can get away with anything and they have more power over you and can bully you because they know you can’t do shit about it. I learned wrong because no one knew then my brain worked differently and that I saw things in a different perspective. My mom didn’t know either. But my kids are normal so I must keep myself separated from them and my past and not project it onto them and not assume it will give them the same affect it gave me.

I did see a trigger post on another form and it brought back those bad memories from when I was a kid. A mother goes on there and talks about her 21 year old son who has autism, he has the cognitive level of a 15 year old so I assume he is a slow learner then. He meets a girl and she tells him she is 17, the age of consent is 17 in Washington and that is where they live. They date and see each other and do inappropriate things you shouldn’t do to a minor, but then he found out she was actually 15 and luckily the parents didn’t press charges and they gave him a warning instead and told him if he goes near her again, then they will press charges. It was all civil and the guy stayed away from the girl. but later on, the guy is in counseling and because of the mandatory report law, the therapist had to make the report because of a conduct of a minor and now he is in serious trouble with the law. Plenty of normal guys have gotten in trouble too for being tricked by under age girls because they lie about their ages or carried fake IDs and snuck to adult parties and clubs. That is why I say never have sex with someone you just met, meet their families first and their friends and know them more before you sleep with them. Guys have gotten charged and went to prison and then ending up registering as a sex offender because of some selfish sick teen. It’s like a teen can go out and lie about her age posing as an adult and have sex with guys and not care about their dignity and their lives and their reputation. I knew since I was 12 that having sex with a kid gets you in trouble with the law because it happened to that Seattle teacher and they made a movie about it staring Penelope Ann Miller. I also knew at 15 that if I had sex with an adult, he will be in trouble, not me because I was underage. I remember there was a 15 year old girl in my high school who was pregnant and I found out the father of her baby was 20 so I said he raped her and molested her but all the teachers said laws are different in Montana so it was okay so I had learned I could have sex with 20 year old guys and have it be okay but if mom found out I did that, that will cost my trip to London. But anyway, on the forum, people didn’t want to blame the 15 year old and said she was not mature enough and bla bla bla and I called BS on that because I knew at 15 so why didn’t she. Then I realized I must have been smarter than an average teen because I knew that having sex with an adult would make them go to jail because it happened to Mary Kay in Seattle when I was 12 and I saw it on the news so I learned then. Are teens really that stupid? Then I made a post saying :

Just imagine if a minor teen was aware about the age of consent laws and knew the adult gets busted for having sex with underage minors and she hears about teens using fake IDs and getting the man busted for having sex with them. So she decides to carry a fake ID to see how any men she can fool into thinking she is 21 instead of 14 so she has sex with all these guys and then turns them into the police and has them get charged with rape and she plays the game of how many men she can trick because it’s not her fault they think with their penis right and are foolish enough to have sex with someone they just met and they don’t even know her. She could be lying about herself and carrying a fake ID and they wouldn’t know that so who’s fault is that?

I would never get myself to do this as a teen because I would feel bad for doing this and I was not some sick person out to deceive people and getting them into trouble. This sounds like something a sociopath would do. Just take advantage of the law an exploit men.

Then I decide to give the 15 year old the benefit of the doubt because I had realized how many teens are obsessed about laws like I was as a teen and watching lifetime movies about crimes and drama movies about crime? I wasn’t a normal teen so I had uncommon interests and focused more on details and I was thinking about what the laws were while other 14 and 15 year olds are too busy thinking about guys and sports and their peers and hanging out and having fun.

Maybe the 15 year old in the OP’s story was ignorant about the consequences the adults gets for having sex with a minor, even if they didn’t know the minor was underage so she now feels bad for how much trouble she got the 21 year old possibly in and now she has a hard lesson to learn too. After all not all teens are obsessed about laws so they wouldn’t know about this and not all teens have an interest in watching lifetime movies about crimes in them about real cases that have happened in real life so of course they wouldn’t know the law about if a minor has sex with an adult and they consent to it but by law they are too young to consent so wherefore the adult would be held responsible and go to prison for it.

Now that makes me wonder why isn’t slow learning recognized as a disability if they are that incapable and why do we try kids as adults? But I knew young as 14 that if I do a crime such as murder, I can be tried as an adult and be put away for the rest of my life so I would think any teen would understand this after being told or hearing about it in the media but if they are not capable of understanding that, then why isn’t it a disability if someone has the mentality of a young teen? That tells me I was smarter than a average teen because I knew. But this is all off topic so back on topic.

Sometimes we don’t get it until we have kids. Then we get a different perspective and I often feel now as a mom, things would have been so much easier as a child if I just listened to my mother. My husband laughed at that and told me that was me seeing things from my mom’s perspective now when she raised me. I wish I knew that as a kid but I doubt I would have understood it then. What kid would?

My punishment

I got done early and no one else needed my help so I left work. I came home and it was still daylight and I went straight to the basement so my daddy could take care of my rash. My Shop Ko diaper had leaked after I sat down, cheap diapers, so I had a damp spot on my jeans. Daddy got me undressed and I laid on the bed and our kids were asleep in their bed so it was just us alone. He got the rash cream and took my diaper off and decided to give me a butt spanking so I protested ad fought saying “no no no.” That punishment was for me not wearing a diaper and for not talking to him about it first when I wanted to air out and he had caught me. Then he said he wasn’t going to give me one and he was just playing, instead he decided he would give me a spanking after we have sex. He gave me a few swats on my behind after we had it and I fought too for it and he won because he got a hold of me and spanked me while holding me but he didn’t hit me hard so it wasn’t a real spanking. I have read about adult spankings online and seen it in AB/DL and age play stories on ebooks and they always hurt bad and hurt to sit on their ass and it leaves marks on their behind. Daddy didn’t do that to me. Then he put a clean Bambino under me and put rash cream over my sore spot and diapered me. Then he got me dressed again and I took the baby monitor and headed back upstairs to my room to watch Dr. Phil.

Nudie butt

I was wearing a pull up today and pants and I decided to take it off and go butt naked so I can air it out before work. The rash has gotten worse down there, just that one spot. The pull up smelled because it has some pee in there from me going potty and then I leak some in there because I don’t bother wiping so I tossed it out with the rest of the dirty diapers. I then kick my son off my chair so I can place down an underpad and I sit on it. I do not want my bare bottom on it because I might leak pee on it or mucus or blood. I stay like this for over an hour and since my mom is gone getting her air done and my dad is napping, I went around the house like this. I still had my socks and shirt on but no pants. I cook mac and cheese again for my son and I and my son says “Nudie butt” and touches it and I go “Hey, you don’t touch me there, it’s private, you don’t touch private parts, it’s naughty and butts are private.” He asked me why I had a nudie butt and I told him I had to air it out before work. If I leak on the floor I will just clean it up since it’s all hardwood and I sit in the chair naked butt and it was wooden and I can wipe it up if I leak on it or get blood on it and I am bleeding again sort of. Then my husband caught me without a diaper on and he said in my ear, “bad girl, you have nothing on” and I told him “I’m airing out” and he said “What’s the pad for?” and I said “In case I have an accident.”

Then when my husband was upstairs I came back up to my room and my son makes a comment again about my naked butt and my husband said “Mom is a bad girl maybe I should spank her nudie butt” and I asked him if that was even appropriate for a kid to hear and my husband didn’t see it as an issue so it must have been fine and I was just being crazy. He told me he was teasing our son.

I don’t know why I did this, no diaper is more appropriate than a diaper so I did it because I was airing out and wearing a robe made me feel hot so I took it off. I am thinking of wearing a cheaper diaper to work so I won’t waste another premium diaper until this rash is gone. I think wearing the pull up made it worse but I didn’t want to get my sheets dirty and I didn’t want to get my pants dirty either. Maybe I should reconsider wiping next time I pee and I used the toilet a lot today and I am not sure how many times, maybe ten. I squeezed it all out.

Wasting a diaper

I got a rash forming on my bottom inside the cheeks where my vagina is. I took a shower and I decided I better air out than wearing the same diaper and using rash cream because I don’t want to make the rash worse. I was only wet in the middle so it felt like I was wasting a diaper even though I have had it on since morning and it smelled anyway so I threw it away. There is no way I will be able to wear it again later because it will be very smelly by then and very uncomfortable to wear so I tossed it in the bucket and I will just let my skin air out for the night and perhaps all day tomorrow until I have to go to work so it’s not like I wasted a diaper. Then by the time I get ready to go, I can put on rash cream again and a fresh diaper. This is the greatest things about having control, I have the luxury to air out and I don’t know what I would have done if I were incontinent. I have for my stories that Natalie sits on the toilet to air out because she is incontinent. I am sitting on a underpad right now wearing only socks and a bra and a towel wrapped around my head.

I have taught my son a new term, dead mall. That is what I always call the mall near us because lot of stores there are vacant so I consider it dead. It’s just a tiny mall and my parents were there sometimes when I was a toddler so I have vague memories being there and I only remember being there once in sixth grade and it was still 80’s looking or 70’s looking, probably never been updated until the year 2002 according to the internet and it also had a face lift. I took my son to Target and I let him pick out a present for his sister and he got her two things and then we looked at the games and then we went to checkout and I wanted candy for a dollar and my son decided he wanted M&Ms so I got him those since I was getting myself something. Then after we paid, I said to him “let’s walk around the mall now” and he said “the dead mall” and the cashier laughed and asked me if I would like to take the cart around the mall and I almost said no but then realized I would have to carry my daughter around and my arm would get sore so I said “yes” and he unlocked the cart so it wouldn’t lock when I left the store. He calls it a dead mall too because of me. It wouldn’t surprise me if they tore it down and made it all a box development. Outdoor malls are getting popular again and indoor malls are getting less common and more are expected to decline in the next ten years. I read online a indoor mall had not been built in the states since the year 2006. I bet they will be the next drive in theater meaning they will keep on declining like drive in theaters did and pretty soon they will be rare to find. We only have one still but it’s out of our area but close by and I hear it’s hard to get in so you have to leave extra early to get in. I have only been to a drive in theater once when I was three and my parents took out all the seats and put in the playpen and had my brother and I in it (times were different then so if someone did that today what my parents did, social services will be involved your kids will be taken and you are charged with child endangerment and neglect) and we had popcorn and we saw a movie. They tore that drive in theater down and I think they use it as storage now for carnival rides but they left the sign there. I think that was the one we went to because I can remember the hills and the trees and seeing satellite towers I always saw from the freeway. Sadly our kids may not ever experience a drive in movie like I did once. But at least they will experience a plane ride and going across country this summer.

I also did some streepassing at the mall because they have a Home Depot and I walked in there and came out and sat down at a table because my son wanted to sit and he ate his M&Ms while I played my 3DS. Then we looked for a drinking fountain because my son was thirsty but we couldn’t find one and then we headed back to Target and I brought back one of their other shopping carts but then they locked when we got back in the store so I had to carry my daughter and the bag and my son played with the new toy he got her, it’s one of those push things made by Fisher Price and those things have been around for a real long time, and I tried a sample drink that is a vitamin and my son tied some but didn’t like it because it was too foamy. I didn’t like it either and the lady had no way of dumping it and she wouldn’t do it in the trash and she was okay with it. By the time we got out of the store, the drink was no longer foamy so my son wanted it all of a sudden when I offered it to him. It was a kid’s drink. My arm was also sore from carrying my baby and by the time we got back to the car, I put her in and then my son and gave him the drink and he had finished it by the time we left the paring lot. Then I stopped at Safeway and ordered a cake and went straight home skipping McDonalds because my kids were hungry and so was I and my son was starting to act up. he did good the whole time even though he did run around while I sat at the table in the mall but the place was empty and barely any people so it didn’t matter if he was running around and shouting. I cooked mac and cheese when I got home and I was going to go to another autism group but my husband was sick and he wasn’t up for watching kids again and he watched them all day yesterday and I wasn’t going to have my parents baby sit because they have their own lives and I don’t want to put a burden to them. Oh well maybe next time, as I told the guy from my group on the train, I keep forgetting and also I have kids. Sometimes I feel like I am using them as an excuse to not do something because I know I could just dump them on my husband and have him suffer or put a burden on my parents. I know they always end up watching them because my husband withdraws or because his feet hurt too much or because he is not feeling well. But when they are not around or are too busy with work, he is forced to do it. But yet I am able to always make the other group.

Messy diaper change

Today I was up early because the days are longer and nights are shorter. I was on the computer and I was still in the same diaper from yesterday. I had peed it two more times since I last messed it and the diaper still held it well and no leaks. I felt a little damp spot but it was dry by the time I decided to change. I get undressed and take my diaper off and my poo was a light brown color and I used the back of the diaper to wipe the rest off and then I had a big mess to clean up but it wasn’t bad. it was all over my area down there and in the middle of my butt cheeks. I didn’t realize the mess was that big. While I was cleaning up, I catch my daughter crawling towards my diaper and I pull it away saying “ew don’t touch it” and kept on cleaning up while I kept an eye on her so she wouldn’t touch the diaper. Then I rolled it up with the dirty wipes in it and taped it closed and then got my socks back on and my bra and got out a clean diaper and put baby powder in it and put it on and put my pajamas back on. Then I threw the diaper away in the bucket and brought it downstairs because it was full and I emptied it in the kitchen and then my mom came in and said nothing about it. I hoped I didn’t stink up the kitchen and I took the bag outside and tossed it in the trash can. It was over half full and I hand’t realized we made that much trash but then I remembered I took a bunch up from my husband’s room and I am surprised how clean his room looked after picking up all the toys. His room is also a family area because we have the TV in there and the shelves and movies and games and toys and the couch and coffee table and the broken lazyboy chair.

I went back upstairs with the bucket and the whole upstairs stunk of poo so I opened the bathroom window and my room smelled worse so I sprayed air freshener around and in the hallway and bathroom and opened my bedroom window to air it out.

My diaper is still fresh and dry after being in it for about an hour. My son did come in my room after I had changed and said “what’s that smell?” and I said “I sprayed air freshener around, what does it smell like?” and he said “good.” Then we headed downstairs for breakfast but my son didn’t have anything because he was too busy playing with his new Mega Blocks and I fed my daughter while my mother watched the news. Today I want to take my son out and have him pick out a present for his sister for her birthday and have it be from all of us.

Pooped my diaper again in a while

It feels it’s been a while since I last pooped my diaper. I had been constipated so I have been taking some stool softeners. I felt I had to go so I got up and got my pajamas on and I finally pooped in my diaper and it wasn’t hard. I just had to relax and push and let it out. Thank god no diarrhea and no pain. But I think this is the first time I have pooped in a Bambino.