So I stalked my ex

I decided to look up one of my ex boyfriends to see what he is up to see if I could find anything about him. All I could find was his son and I thought what I was seeing in his profile was a coincidence. Now I won’t be naming any names or mention his name and her name and her son’s name. But he had listed someone as his mother instead of who I will call Claudia. I looked her name up on his friends and she wasn’t there but his sisters were. I looked at his mother’s page wondering if she was his step mom and then I decided to google my ex’s usernmae I remember and her facebook page showed up again I was on so I read the page thoroughly and I was surprised she would have her wall public. I saw she hadn’t posted anything since 2014 in March so perhaps she could have made the rest private. She was a very private person when we were together and it was a red flag for my mother because someone who is very private means they are hiding something that is bad. It was very hard for me because I felt I had to censor myself and edit my life and it’s hard to do when you have someone involved in your life. Because she was a very private person and cared too much what people thought of her made her be controlling. She didn’t like me talking to my parents, told me what to say to them, I had to wait until she was at work or I had to go outside to talk to them or else she would have to listen in what I say and ask what I talked about. She is transgender and had finally decided to transition so I am calling him a her now because he is her now. I wonder if part of her negativity and low self esteem was due to her gender issues and I wonder if she is happier now that she has decided to come out and live as a woman. I did stumble upon one of her pages on another website and found pictures of her and she looked like a woman and it was hard to recognize her as someone I knew. I could still tell her on facebook she was still conservative because of her anti Obama posts but she also seemed open minded than she was when we were together. When we were together, she was so negative and critical about everything and had to judge everything people do and also had bad opinions about the homeless which she ended up to be homeless because she has MS now and lives with her father which I assume is her step. I also found her Diapermates page and she is discovering AB. When we were together, she was very judgmental about it and didn’t want to understand it and would make fun of it and me but what changed? She also wrote she is bi sexual but yet when we were together, she was very homophobic and would call them fags and say she doesn’t like their lifestyle and told me if I had sex with another woman, she wouldn’t be in a relationship with me and would just want to be friends. But now she decides she is bisexual? I have heard how even gays and lesbians can be a homophobic and don’t accept themselves. Perhaps she didn’t accept himself as bi and I wonder if she changed her view on it. But what I found creepy in her DM profile was saying she be a young teen and I wonder “did I read that right” so I read it again and still same results. I wonder if she means that is the age she feels on the inside because when we were together, she told me how she felt stuck in her teens. I also saw she only gets to visit her son 8 weeks a year. I see she never got custody of him. I do have different thoughts about why but won’t go there. But seeing her FB page and seeing how bad her life is and how much she is suffering, can;t work anymore, is lonely, has MS, trying to get on SSDI, lives with his father for support, lost everything a few times, her storage unit got auctioned off she she lost everything, and guess what? This doesn’t make me feel any better. I have seen some people post on Wrongplanet about how they look their bullies up on facebook and love to see how miserable their lives are and how bad their lives are but I am not feeling this way about my ex. I see this as a good sign because it means I have a good heart and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Yeah she may have done stuff to me that was wrong and her behavior may have affected my thinking and how much she hurt me with how she treated me and still haven’t forgiven her over the worst she has done but I still feel sad for what I see what has happened to her. I felt like sending her a message and then I had to ask myself “Do you want to be friends with her because she is lonely and you feel bad or because you are curious and want to know about her life and how things turned out like if she is still fighting for custody and if she had met how many women and where does she live now, etc?” Honestly I didn’t know the answer and I had to remind myself how she treated me in our relationship, letting her son listen in on our conversations, telling him everything about me like what things I took literal and showing him what movies I had just to make fun of me, how she treated me about being AB, acting like I was retarded because he said he felt like he was with a child and seeing me as one, and keeping that piece from me that belong to Dish Network and didn’t give it to me until I had a meltdown. Sometimes I wonder if she did that on purpose to drive me crazy and have me suffer with anxiety and when he saw I was having a meltdown and how much it was affecting me, he decided to give it back to me. I posted about it on Wrongplanet and stated posting everything about her how she treated me and made a thread asking if I will get in trouble with Dish Network. I was scared because I didn’t want to pay a huge fine and I didn’t know if there will be jail or not and my OCD was driving me crazy about this situation and she justified it saying she didn’t have to take that piece and it would have been thrown away so she did me a favor taking it down and packing it in storage so to her logic I still would have had tremendous anxiety if it got thrown away by the manager at her former apartment she just moved out of. This is the worst she had done to me and it was the last straw so I wanted to dump her and put my DM profile back up. She never apologized for the trouble she had caused. Plus she has been silent for seven years and last I heard from her was around November 23rd 2007 and she was working three jobs and was going to start school soon. So this is a hint I see as she wouldn’t want to talk to me anyway so don’t waste my time sending her a PM because that would be so stalkish and creepy, stay moved on. She has probably moved on too from me. But I have always found it odd she sent me a IM that November after being silent for seven months. I don’t need someone like that in my life and we had a silent breakup and my mom had to tell me to stop calling her who was a he then because she had moved on so she wasn’t answering her phone and I am single now. That was the best news ever that day and I felt a bunch of weight was lifted off my shoulder and I was free and didn’t have to worry about if I was cheating on her or not. So these are my main reasons to not contact her.


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