On Dr. Phil

The last two days, I was watching the Dr. Phil show and it was about kelli and Issy Stapleton. I was hoping to hear Matt’s side of the story and the other kids and Issy but that never happened because Matt felt it should be Kelli’s story. Watching the whole thing was frightening because it was like watching a horror movie but it was with autism. They kept showing that video over and over of Kelli being attacked by her daughter who was then 13 and it sounded like something you would hear in a horror movie. I got sick of them showing that video over and over because it was horrifying and I felt haunted at work about the video and how violent some autistic kids can get and people find this acceptable? I imagined what if a movie company made a horror film and they decided to use an autistic character and it makes them kill people with their meltdowns. I bet lot of ASD people would get offended by it because they didn’t like how their condition was used to kill people in the movie. Now it was relieving to hear that most autistic people are not violent and this was just rare with Issy and most autistic kids are not violent. I can understand why autistic people would be upset by the show, they are concerned people will watch it and then fear autistic people and fear them when they find out they are on the spectrum. They fear they will have to hide their condition and not be able to disclose their autism or people might think they will attack them when they don’t get their way or when someone refuses to give into their demand or don’t do it fast enough or when they do something unintentionally that may be a sound that bothers them or if they accidentally bump into them as they walk by or maybe making a sound might make them fly into rage and assault them. It was bad enough when Adam Lanza shot his mother and went to school and killed a bunch of kids and they tried to blame it on autism. Then our fear was people think aspies are dangerous and all need to be locked up and if someone is an aspie, run from them because they might shoot you.

But face it, some autistic people are dangerous. We can’t hide it from reality because it’s the truth and get mad at anyone who talks about how violent their autistic child is. While it may be rare they are violent, there will always be someone online who will post about how aggressive their autistic child gets and what they do or how they have taken a knife and held it up to their them or pointed it at them or whatever, but that is the internet and things always seem more common when you hear about it online than in real life. Like I said in my other blog entry, of all the special needs kids I have been around growing up, only two were violent. Frankie and that one boy in my class named Russell. But statistically, most mentally ill and disabled people are not violent or destructive. It’s been stigmatized because the bad stands out more so whenever a person with a disability or someone with a mental illness commits a crime or is abusive, people find out about it because it goes in the media or the families tell the story and people gossip. So it makes it look like lot of them are violent.

What I do think  is messed up is how kelli had to attempt to kill her daughter to finally get help for her because Dr. Phil is having a foundation on his website where you can donate to help Issy with treatment. Parents shouldn’t have to attempt to kill their children to get help. That just shows how wrong the system is. This other mother who is Issy’s friend also has an autistic son who is also violent and has sent her to the hospital too and given her fractured bones and black eyes decided to end it all by stopping her car on the tracks and wait for the train to come. Then fortunately, the mother snapped back into reality and drove off the tracks after sitting there for ten minutes and the next day she lucked out because she got a call and they finally took him somewhere for him to get treatment. Now the mom is safe in her own home. I decided I want to donate to Issy so she can get better and be a good person. Instead of bitching about her in my blog and how heartless other people are and thinking it’s acceptable for her to abuse her mother just because she is autistic and how Kelli should take it all in, do something about it. Dr. Phil decided to help Kelli and her family and Issy out by doing a foundation for her so why not and donate some money to them to help the situation. But right now our money is tight so when pay day comes I want to donate a little money. A little money is better than nothing.

But here is something I find confusing. One of Kelli’s friends said how Issy is targeting her little sister and Kelli isn’t there to protect her from Issy. They have created a plan for the sister and she either locks herself in her room or in their car to get away from her when she is attacking. That totally upset me and how is this acceptable. Why is the dad allowing this? If this were my sister, she would be living in a hospital because my mom would have sent her there because everyone has the right to be safe in their own home. Then we hear a little side of the dad’s story, his name is Matt and he said the opposite. He said Issy is doing better and he fails to mention how aggressive she is towards her sister. That is something I would love to ask him.

I do think Kelli should have sent her daughter to a hospital and she was given that option. I know this because I listened to the radio interview that took place a year before the attempted murder and she said she was given that offer and it would be up to a year but Kelli refused it. She didn’t want to not see her daughter for a year. Another option was to take her other two kids and pack up and leave their home leaving behind Issy and Matt. But I wonder if they had any place to go like stay at a friends or parent or relatives? Better than attempted murder right? Either option will get you judged but it’s still better than attempted murder.  Should Kelli have called the police on Issy and have her charged with assault? The police could shoot her in self-defense if she attacks them or she could end up with a criminal record so calling the police wouldn’t be an option.  I say for any parent, be careful when you call the police on your sick child.

And I was nervous about the autistic boy I know in real life who is my husband’s old friend’s son because his wife posted on Facebook about her step son having disruptive behavior disorder and it’s a form of ODD and conduct disorder but it fits in neither of those. It’s a NOS label. My husband assured me he isn’t violent and his behavior disorder is with behavior, not aggression. I felt silly after that because I was so worried before bringing my kids to his birthday and I don’t want them to get hurt by him because what kind of parent would bring their kids to someone who is violent, especially if they are on the spectrum of ODD and Conduct disorder? I had never seen the kid violent so why was I so worried? Because of a label his step mom mentioned on Facebook? I never told her why I was so nervous about coming. I didn’t want to offend her so I ignored the question. I am sure she thinks I was nervous because of a new route there and knowing how to get there and what the route will look like and the roads and buildings because I was talking about that at the party how I had to look on Google maps so I know what to expect and I was so nervous about getting lost.

Will Issy ever get over her aggression or remain violent and be in prison someday or a mental hospital when she assaults someone when she is eighteen or older or even kill someone? Time will tell.

Only thing that bothered me about the show was when Kelli kept saying how she hated the autism and being in jail is better than a cell of autism. I wished she said instead jail is better than a cell of abuse or violence. That sounds better.

I just thought of something humorous, an aspie kept saying on the Dr. Phil page “please don’t kill me” to people who were feeling sorry for Kelli so I imagined NTs telling an aspie or an autistic person “Please don’t attack me” or “please don’t hurt me” when they find out they are on the spectrum because of ASD people and some NTs thinking it’s okay for Issy to be abusive and parents are wrong to be hurt by them and be the victims of their violence as if they have to be god. I could say to people as a joke “Don’t worry I won’t hurt you if you say no to me” or tell my boss “Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you if you give me more tasks to do.” I always tell my husband or father, “Don’t worry, I won’t kill you” when they talk about life insurance because some people have put their partners on life insurance and then kill them for the money.

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