It’s tough being an adult

I sometimes miss being a kid because it’s stressful being an adult. More responsibilities and you have to do more for yourself. At least when you are a kid, your parents do things for you because it’s their job not yours.

I still have to find a school for my son but phones make me nervous and stopping in and it took me two months just to drop in at the local childcare that is right by our house just to ask for the rates and once I saw how much it would be a week, it added to over $500 a month so time to look elsewhere.

We still have a medical bill to pay and I haven’t paid it yet because I keep forgetting and we haven’t gotten the same bill from the hospital yet so I could give to my husband to pay. I just got a call from them about it and my husband gets paid in two days so I plan on paying it then. I hate it when I misplace things and I do try and keep it in the same spot where no one can move it but sometimes I misplace things myself.

My daughter has an appointment next week and I hope then she has the right health insurance and if it’s still on Familycare, I just want to know where to go to for her check ups and how to find information about it and forget about trying to fix this, it’s all too stressful. But they won’t help me and what do I do?

I can ask my husband for help but he has troubles too and my mom wants me to do everything for myself and it’s so embarrassing to ask for help. I do wish I had help. Help with finding a school, help with the insurance and everything.

Just yesterday I asked my mom if my brother and his girlfriend ever found the power cord to my son’s Leappad. Mom said they didn’t and wonder if her girlfriends accidentally took it. Mom told me she would leave it up for me to do and I said I don’t know their numbers. Mom told me one of them lived with her and I said I don’t know the other one’s number and she said I can get it from my brother’s girlfriend. I found it all stressful and I find using phones hard to do so I said forget it, I will just buy a new power cord.” This is why I don’t even ask her for help. I try and ask anyone for help and no one ever helps me. I am left crippled and not knowing the steps and what to do and I find even the simple things so hard to do. Then later I found the power cord when I was taking my other cords out of my suitcase and stuck the cord in the basket with the leappad and games. But at least my mom helped me with the Social Security stuff for my son. She helped me through it as I filled it out.

Okay I need to sign up for Plan D because our income has changed and my insurance doesn’t cover pills and probably taking them might help with my anxiety but right now I am breastfeeding. I never talk about my problems so this is one of my seldom moments I am. Being an adult is stressful and being a kid was a lot easier and it was only school that gave me anxiety and I had it at home too but not as much. It was really bad in my teens and now it’s less again. Now to figure out how to sign up again and see if I qualify.

I also finally taped a piece of notebook paper to my bedroom wall and wrote on it telling me list of things to do so I wouldn’t forget and I did some of them. I called to reschedule my daughter’s appointment because I was in Montana and I misplaced my phone so I couldn’t call to cancel and reschedule and we had no internet. I also called my work company but got the voice mail and left a message and she still hadn’t called back. I never gotten anything in the mail yet about returning to work and it’s the middle of the month and I still haven’t heard anything. I hope I won’t lose my job. I also had to call back to see when my appointment is since I lost my appointment time and it’s tomorrow so I wrote it down. Now I still have to go to the bank to cash a check my uncles wrote. God I feel like Anita from my Natalie stories, needing lists to do things. I just see it as reminders and everyone writes things down when they have a busy life and my life isn’t busy but I am forgetful. I hope no one rips the paper off my wall. It’s in my room so there. I don’t care how stupid it looks, at least I am taking some responsibility to help me through life. I will just argue some people carry pocket calenders and write down their appointments or stuff they have to do and some put it on their phones now and some parents have to write stuff down on their calendar like their kid’s soccer game or practice or school thing so how is this any different I am doing? It’s called being responsible.


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