So I got a book at one of the thrift stores In Kalispell called He is Just not That Into You and I found out all these dating problems with being confused about signals men give have nothing to do with Asperger’s. I am always hearing from aspie men on wrongplanet how women play games and give out signals and I have seen normal men say the same too and I am sure you have heard of a book called Men are From Mars and Woman are from Venus (or whatever the book is called) and men do this too. Lot of men don’t understand women and lot of women don’t understand men. One thing that bothered me in the book was how men will ask for your number or say give them a call sometime but yet they are not into you. If they are not into you, why even flirt or ask them out or ask for their number or tell them to call you? That is something I will ask on fetlife in a ask a guy a question group.
In the past men would talk to me but never ask for my number and I remember one guy at McDonalds seemed to like me and told me to apply there so I did and he never asked for my number and I thought for years I put off the wrong signals making the men think I am not into them when really I was just shy or nervous and didn’t know how to act in the situation, I even wondered if I was supposed to do something in that situation but didn’t because I didn’t know how. So I went on Diapermates and met tons of guys there. I only went after one guy sending him a message and he never responded so I moved on assuming he wasn’t interested in me despite what his profile said. So I did what the book did, move on. But tons of guys messaged me, they all came to me so I was sitting back and responding to men who messaged me and I ignored the ones who lived way too far. I felt so normal and NT and I met tons of guys in my area and had fun. We also did diaper play. Like the book said, they all messaged me and went out with me. I just sat back and waited for them all to come to me because I was better at that than approaching and the book said if a man is into you, he will go after you. My ex-boyfriends also came to me too, I met the first one from Myspace and he showed up like he promised and so did my second ex-boyfriend I met on DiaperMates. Like the book said, he gave me the same excuse “I’ve been busy” and I kept on calling and calling and was so relieved when my mom told me I was no longer in a relationship with him and he had moved on. I was so relieved because I could move on and not worry about cheating and how to break up with him and I do wish I just did it when I had the chance like driving into his work at night and break up with him there and screw his feelings. If he is going to be so difficult to reach and see, do it the hard way. The book also mentioned about boyfriends all of a sudden disappearing. My ex was hard to reach all of a sudden and never answered my IMs and kept me hanging like when he was going to go on a trip to see his niece graduate and wanted to invite me along but that day came and he was hard to reach and I was feeling anxious because I didn’t know what the plan was and what to expect so I decided screw it and just go to my AB/DL munch in the park than sitting at home and waiting for him to call. Like the book said, these men are assholes when they just disappear on you and mine was one so who needs him? There were so many things wrong with my ex-boyfriends, things did not work out between us. My ex-boyfriend did say we will still be friends but that didn’t happen. The book says that is a lie what men say before they just disappear. So he was lying then when he said that? I just figured it’s easy to say that but when you break up, it’s hard to stay friends. Easy to say than done. It’s rare for married couple and relationship couples to remain friends after the break up and divorce. My little brother tried to remain friends with his ex-girlfriend in high school but she would keep bringing up “hey we are getting alone, let’s get back together” just like the book mentioned and my brother got tired of that tension so he stopped being friends with her. It was a bad relationship anyway because what she was doing in it was abuse according to a book I had read about abusive relationships. She didn’t like him hanging out with his friends, she wanted him all to himself. Even at age 18 I thought that was too controlling and so wrong. But I had no idea it was abuse. Lot of people don’t know they are in a abusive relationship, even I didn’t know and the more I kept reading about it, the more I realized abuse is abuse. Nothing excuses it rather the abuse is caused by insecurity or by anger issues or anxiety or fear, or disability, all abusers have issues. Even I am guilty of it too. I have had my outbursts, had my share of saying hurtful things when really upset, and throw things but I have never broken any property except for my own in high school. My husband and I are still together. I even worry I will lose control and hurt my own son and my husband tells me to come get him if I ever feel that way.
Back on topic, when my husband and I met, he contacted me and invited me out and kept on wanting to see me just like the book said. If he is into you, he will not forget to call you and he will ask you out and keep his promises in meeting you and keep going after you. That is what my husband did. Now I can say on the autism forums now it’s not an aspie thing, it’s a human thing, even NT women read men wrong and assume they are into them when they are not and men do play mind games and send out mixed signals and are not honest. I can also tell women on the autism forums the autistic man just isn’t into them when they talk about them not calling them for weeks or days and not answering their calls and it’s not an autism thing they are doing because normal men do it too and who needs someone who just goes quiet for weeks and leaves you wondering if you are still a couple or not? I have already been saying this because of how my last boyfriend treated me and I do not tolerate the silent treatment and I will not be treated this way so that is one of the reasons why we are not together. The book did say most men so the ones in the minority may be the ones who have difficulty going after women even though they are into them and they may call them too much or go after them to a point they are stalking them or they don’t go after them at all because they don’t know how so the woman assumes they are not into them so they have to luck out with a woman who does call them and breaks the dating rule. The ones in the minority may not play mind games at all and will not ask for your number or flirt or ask you out or tell you to call them when they are not into you. They may talk to you yes but just as friends or acquaintances. I would recommend this book to everyone including to people on the spectrum. Just go with the rules the book taught and don’t worry about the minority or else it will drive you crazy.
Things I had learned from the book:
Neither of my ex-boyfriends were into me
I wasn’t ready for a relationship when my husband and I met
I was doing it wrong when dating
I am not into my husband and he isn’t into me.
How my husband and I met and dated were an exception to the rule
If every woman listened to the book, many of them would be single
Giving the man the benefit of the doubt is making excuses
I did what the book said, set your standards and I did just that with the help of my mother after I dumped my first boyfriend. Then I did them again after my second break up and I will do it again if my husband dies from his condition and I am a widow and truly a single mother
The co writer Liz Tucillo does not agree with the author Greg Behrendt what he wrote
Greg is so black and white when it comes to dating
Greg does have a point and Liz even admitted that (not her word but she implied it)
My opinion on the book:
I really liked it and the book was basically for single women and I have nothing to worry about because I am married so it was like I wasted my time with it but I read it for fun. It only cost me a dollar at the thrift store and it looked interesting so I bought it.