I feel like a bad parent

With a three year old son who bounces off walls and a almost two month old who won’t stop crying, I get overwhelmed and shut down so I end up ignoring my baby and just leave her crying. She has been fed and changed and is covered up so what is the problem?

I am too afraid to say anything about it to any of my doctors because I fear they might call CPS so that just makes it harder for me to ask for help because of that fear. I know lot of parents are afraid to ask for help, especially from their families and friends because of the stigma. I was happy my dad stepped in to take care of my baby and I feel bad about it and rotten.

My daughter will not stop crying anymore and I can’t get her to sleep on her own or she wakes up and cries. Last night she did fine sleeping on her own in her baby swing so I went to bed and it was this morning she woke up and fussed and I got her out and fed her and she ended up sleeping with me. I wish all nights were like this. Another time I got overwhelmed so I stuck her in her crib and shut the door to save my sanity and she cried and then stopped and I had to check on her to make sure she was still alive and she was. Then she fell asleep and I thought I should do this at nights now but then it will keep my son up and wake him up and then it will be hard to keep him in bed. My mom said it was fine to let her cry and fuss because if I get her every time she does, that just doesn’t teach her to self sooth and I will have a clingy baby and child like I do with my son. That helps get rid of my guilt.

Everyday I get overwhelmed and can’t take lot of chaos and my son hurts my ears with his high pitched voice and screaming or crying. I tell him to stop and he keeps on doing it so I either leave the room or kick him out and I hate screaming at him. I will also send my son down to his dad and I tell him to have him because he is driving me crazy and I am overwhelmed and need a break from him. I wonder how single parents do it. How do single ASD parents do it too?

Next month I am getting a IUD put in and my husband said two is enough so we are done having kids. This is another reason to not have more kids. If this is hard for me and I feel like a bad parent every single day, yeah don’t have anymore kids. I did get what I wanted, a girl.

Now I am going to get off this computer and get something to eat if I can think of something to have for lunch and to wash my diapers and see what needs to be done around the house.

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4 thoughts on “I feel like a bad parent

  1. I’m sorry if anyone on ADISC made that remark. I expect that kind of behavior from Wrongplanet, believe it or not, because even in the world of the ASD community they can be the most elitist snobs I’ve ever met.

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