Bad night

I am tired but I can’t get to sleep because my daughter won’t stay asleep. She is finally sleeping now on my lap but if I even move her, she will wake up. I got a diaper rash starting so it was uncomfortable and figured that was one of the reasons that is keeping me up so I took it off (the diaper was feeling uncomfortable anyway because it was wet) and cleaned myself up and put on rash cream and for the first time i felt myself down there since the stitching and it didn’t feel bad at all but I am still too afraid to even look down there. I think I did get a couple hour sleep and then my daughter woke me up to be fed. Since then I could not get back to sleep.

I also have a clogged duct and my boobs are still engorged so that is also uncomfortable. I have a home made cold pack on that clogged spot and it feels better now but I won;t go to bed with it because I don’t want to get my bed wet from the pack. The water already leaked out from the melted ice and got my pajama top all wet. It dried.

I am still having cramping and I wonder if it’s because I am constipated, the Tylenol isn’t working anymore. I have still been taking my fiber pills but no BM. I did have one the day I came home from the hospital. I am too terrified to stick my fingers p my ass to see if I can dig it out but the stitches are there and I am too afraid they will rip so I can’t stick my finger up there to see if any shit is there. I probably should get some stool softeners. Plus my lower back started to hurt too and I have gotten that achy feeling from constipation in the past. It’s gone now. The cramping feels different now than it did when I first gave birth. It also doesn’t go down to my leg either.

Here I am wearing a pull up to catch any leaking and my blood from lochia. But that means getting up to use the bathroom when my bladder starts to bother me and it feels a little painful if I hold it which I am feeling now. I hope that also won’t keep me up. My daughter is still sleeping so maybe I will try and move her to her crib again and then go pee and try going to sleep again.  I will sleep on my right side just so I am not putting pressure on my clogged duct that is so close to my arm pit, yes the boobs are all the way to my arm pits because that is how huge they have gotten from the milk. One of the con things about having big boobs, when they get engorged, it’s hell. Even them shrinking after breast feeding, they still got this big. Hopefully this will end in the day time. I remember last time it only lasted about two days and then I thought I acted all dramatic over it over nothing when it was only temporary and I thought it was something I would have to deal with during breast feeding so I was going to just quit doing it and use formula. It’s so uncomfortable to put pressure on my clogged duct so lying on my other side flt much better because it took the pressure off.

I am also having hot flashes, they come when I get uncomfortable. I have to go pee and it’s making me have them and my parents have the heat on so I have the window open for cool air and have my daughter covered with my son’s blanket to keep her warm. Now I am going to get off and try putting her in her crib again and then go pee and I hope she stays asleep this time until she is hungry again.

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