I don’t want a baby shower

I am tired of being let down and people telling me they want to do things for me and then don’t do it. That is one of the reasons why I don’t really chat to people much anymore or go on IM to talk. I am tired of being let down. My mom wants to give me a baby shower sometime in April and it’s already towards the end of the month and she hasn’t sent out any inventions or nothing so I decide I don’t want one. I don’t want to deal with the anxiety of when it will happen and her not doing it, not knowing the addresses of people to send them too, then dealing with the disappointment it didn’t happen. So I don’t want one. I have been getting baby stuff in the mail anyway and I have most of the baby stuff from when my son was little and I have the clothes I bought for her and a few packs of diapers in used sale stores and I have the cloth ones already from when he was still in them, all I need to buy is some new plastic pants and some baby monitors so I don’t need much. I plan on buying wipes and rash cream before the baby comes. I have also given up on making online friends so I don’t even respond to posts anymore by people who are looking for new friends. I always lose them anyway or get hurt by them. I have just been down for over a month now. I would rather have surprises than being told they want to do this or that for me and then they don’t. I will also turn things down too now saying no thanks because I don’t want to deal with being let down. I can’t trust people when they say those things or I am in for disappointment and being upset and feeling like melting down and being all anxious for when it will happen and then they get pissed about it because I keep asking. So sick of all this and my therapist told me back in high school people do these things to me just to make fun of me. I find it hard to believe my own friends would do this and my own mother. I even doubt Frankie’s mother would do this to me too and this one girl in my class I would talk to a lot when I was in high school. But I get it when people say brb online and don’t come back, they get distracted and may forget they were online chatting or other things come up. I am guilty of doing this too because of my son. I would tell this one guy I would be right back and I wouldn’t come back because it took longer than I thought and I would forget I was online talking so I am better off saying I have to go and talk to them later. Anyone who tells me brb, I don’t expect them to come back or I am just sitting there waiting for them to be back and I don’t do anything else and I stay on the internet surfing. That man would get upset with me and call me arrogant because I would leave my computer or tell him I would brb and he knew I had a son now so I may leave the computer without saying anything and forgetting about it because I have to go take care of him when he needs me or wakes up. He still got upset with me about it and we don’t talk anymore. He turned out to be a creep and manipulative and he was one of those AB/DL guys who wants a mommy and you probably get the picture now. But another friend I had didn’t like it when I told her I don’t take brb seriously because people who have said that to me in the past wouldn’t come back so I translate it to “GTG” and we aren’t friends anymore either. She wasn’t the right friend for me anyway and she told me she likes to drive drunk and I wonder if she just told me that to get rid of me. She also told me my brother driving drunk and crashing his scooter was nothing. He lived of course and he had on a helmet. He would have been dead if he didn’t have it on and Montana has no law about wearing them. Plus I felt pressured by her about doing drugs and I refuse to do them and she would make me feel like a wuss for it.

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