No I am not getting abused

Okay so far two people have though of abuse.

I was chatting with an old online friend who recently got back in contact with me. He then all of a sudden asked me if I still wear diapers (this is not a diaper buddy) and I said yes. He asked me how often do I wear them and I said 24/7 and he asked me if I don’t ever use the toilet. I told him I do sometimes because I don’t always want to use my diapers due to a rash or because I am constipated. Plus I am not allowed to use the toilet and I am supposed to do everything in my diapers so I have to sneak it. I told him about me being submissive and how my husband keeps me in them and how he punishes me and makes me have sex. He then brought up me being abused. I told him I wasn’t being abused and I like it.

Then on another forum, (a AB/DL one) I got a PM from someone. He said he hopes I am okay and quoted a line from my blog and and said I leave things open to me being abused. He went on telling me if my husband and I want to role play, that is fine and I do have the option to say no if I want to quit.I won’t even bother quoting the PM out of respect for his exact words.

I think there is a difference between abuse and what my husband is doing. He would never hurt me and he doesn’t beat me or shame me. He isn’t a Cal Hockley from the movie Titanic or that drunk guy in Delores Claybourne, or that husband in the movie Enough. Here is something interesting I thought of and had to ask online: Does Cal Hockley seem like the kind of person who would spank a woman?

I can just picture him spanking Rose since he seems to treat her like a child. I think it would have been better if in the movie, he pulled her across his lap and lifted her dress up and spanked her right there than slapping her face. He sure does treat her like a child; sending Lovejoy after her to check up on her, makes all the decisions for her but back then women didn’t have choices and men made them all for them. I wonder if spanking them was common back then?

With abuse, it’s out of control and done without the person’s consent. With BDSM or just being submissive, it’s all under control and it’s done with consent. I also don’t think it’s black and white because I have been reading spanking stories online and some wives and husbands do spank their spouses without their consent and what do you know, they enjoy it and they are happy to be spanked because it keeps them in order. But they don’t beat them or treat them badly or verbally abuse them. And these are adult spankings they get, not spankings my husband used to give me. He doesn’t want to hurt me so he doesn’t give me adult spankings.

It’s rape if the person is forced to have sex but what if she was forced to have sex but yet didn’t mind having it because it was her husband or boyfriend? I am always telling my husband he loves to rape me but I wouldn’t go out and say my husband rapes me because then it would sound ugly and bad and make him sound like a monster. Most people think of rape as in threats and violence but rape isn’t always like that. Unfortunately there are gray areas and if a woman is pressured to have sex so she gives in and has it, I call that rape. But it’s very hard to prove in court. But in my husband’s case, I don’t like to see it as that and am I getting hurt? Am I getting traumatized? No to both.

Lot of women have rape fantasies but it’s so taboo to even mention them. I have dreamed about my husband putting something in my drink to knock me out so he ca have sex with me in my sleep and I wouldn’t have to worry about it. But sadly that drug is illegal and he refuses to do that to me. I admit I have rape fantasies and have liked being forced to have sex in the past and it was done without my consent. I don’t consider that as true rape because rape is done without the person’s consent. If it happens and it was done with consent, then it’s not real rape(did I just admit my husband has raped me? Must be a gray area, up for the woman to decide if they were raped or not).  But yet I think men who do rape women use the “women like being forced to have sex” as an excuse to rape them and not take no for an answer. It makes me so angry when they won’t take no for an answer so they pressure them to have sex. No means no, got it? If she has never told you she wants to be forced to have sex, no means no. I get angry with any guy when they seem to defend other men and act like it’s okay for them to not take no for an answer just because “most women like to be forced to have sex and want the man to beg them to have it after they say no.” To me it’s just an excuse for rape. Okay enough of that.

My husband makes me go out and have fun and doesn’t always want me camping in our apartment. He thinks it makes me depressed. So he kicks me out and tells me to have fun or I will get punished. He does what he thinks is best for me.

Yesterday he came back from the doctor’s appointment and gave me two bucks he found on the ground and told me to get myself a treat. I didn’t protest because he said the money was free and he found it on the ground. I don’t know if I had the option to say no but I took it anyway and went to the post office to mail off some books and then I got myself a pint of ice scream and I used the extra dollar I had in my purse.

Then today I was stressing out about money because my husband told me we had to wait until the 4th now to pay our rent because we don’t have enough in the bank now. He forgot to pay the cable so they called and he paid it over the phone. Now we don’t have enough anymore for the rent and have to wait until I get paid again. I have no idea when he will start getting temporary disability so it’s very stressful. So my husband forced me to get my diaper changed. He pushed me on the bed and took my pants, plastic pants and diaper off and cleaned me up and gave me sex. I didn’t have a choice. He forced it in me and gave me sex until he cummed. I still can’t talk him out of waiting to try and have another baby because I don’t know if we will get this house and how long it will take and I don’t want to have a baby and still be in this apartment and be crowded. No I was not getting abused. He didn’t hurt me.

Then after he was done, he took out a disposable diaper and unfolded it and put it on me and I had to remind him to use baby powder. he did all this while in pain and he said I needed it. I didn’t feel bad because he chose to give me it and chose to change me. Then he cuddled with me for a few minutes.Well I did calm down about the whole money issue. That is why he did it and I didn’t mind the sex.

I even tried to talk him out of letting me quit wearing diapers until our money situation ends and he said “NO.” Well I was serious and wasn’t testing him but he still wants to keep me in them. He will not go back to work until July 8th. Hopefully his back will be better by then.

I know if I ever get tired of all this and I can’t get convince my husband I really do want to stop all this, I can always leave him.

Very stressed out diapered mamma.