My husband surprised me

Ugh constipation. I feel the urge to go poop and this time I am going to wait until it is strong enough for me to push it out and I hope i won’t get truly constipated where I can’t go at all. I can always get enema is that happens.

Today I came home from work and our son was gone again and there was food left on the stove for me. My husband is a good cook and I wish he cook more often and it help me with my diet but his feet give him limitations.

My mother in law took him again because she stopped by to give my husband some medicine for his pain. My sister in law was here too. I am sure they both saw my diapers I had hanging on my son’s crib with his. I am at a point now where I don’t care anymore. I’m not here to see it so it wouldn’t bother me.

I put my pajamas on and made myself a plate. My husband was going to make me one but I told him I had it. Then I sat down on the couch and turned the computer on and started to eat. I was afraid I was going to get some on my shirt so I put on my son’s bib and sat back down. Then my husband came out and sat down next to me. I told him I had the bib on so I wouldn’t get any food on my shirt and he said “That’s okay, that’s what happens to babies.” I told him I didn’t put it on to be a baby, I put it on to protect my pajamas from getting dirty. He told me I was his baby. Then he took the spoon from me and fed me a few bits. I liked it and I can’t remember the last time he has babied me. Then he stopped and went into the kitchen and I kept on eating. Then I got myself some more and decided to have the rest of the rice that was in the bowl. I put the stir fry sauce on it and the vegetables and my daddy made me a bottle. He brought it out to me and put it in my mouth and told me to take it because he couldn’t hold it up any longer due to his feet. I told him he has not babied me in a while and he said it was because our son isn’t here. I asked him why can’t he do it with him here and he said he didn’t want him to see him baby me. I asked him why again and he said he would think it’s normal. I told him “what do you mean he will think it’s normal?” and he said “This isn’t normal” and I said “so, at least it would teach him to be open minded about kinks” and he said “Can I have some privacy, I don’t want him to see our sex life.” He also told me he will teach him to be open minded.

The whole babying me thing is a turn on for him. I just felt secured and loved like he is a good husband.

While writing all this, I did go to the kitchen and put the food away my husband cooked and I took the bib off and I didn’t finish the rest of my bowl because I got too full and I put my bottle in the fridge too. I also pooped in my diaper finally as I was scooping the vegetables into the container and it all stuck to my butt and some of it was stuck inside me still. So when I went in the bathroom to dump the poop out, I had to sit on the toilet to get it off me and then I pooped the rest out and was done. I put the diaper back on again and it was hardly wet. There was a little brown spot from the poop but the diaper is still good and I don’t think I broke daddy’s rule because I did use the diaper but I did take it off but he is sick and I can only take it off when he can’t change me and he can’t so technically I took care of it and I am reusing the diaper than wasting it. I feel so much better for going.

Busy Morning

I woke up around ten this morning and I spent a little bit of time on the computer and I fed my son and put him in his play pen. I showered and rinsed my diapers out again in the tub as I did. Then I put them back in the bucket and put the lid back on. Then I came out and changed him and he leaked badly and got his play yard bottom all wet. So I had to change him and throw his sleeper in the hamper and I used a dirty hand towel and got it wet and wiped his play yard.

Then I got dressed and got him dressed too and I went and got quarters so I can wash my diapers. My son threw a fit when I had to take two cars from him and put them back with the other toys the bank owns to keep kids busy while the parents are there. I had to scoop him off the floor and carry him out and then I went to the supermarket to get bus passes. He just wanted to run around and I wouldn’t let him so he threw a fit again. It distracted me so I got confused and thought it was the end of June all of a sudden so I thought the store ran out of July passes. I nearly got refunded until the store manager said it was the end of May and I said I did need two June bus passes. So I got my bus passes after all and I got my cookie I wanted. It had no price on it so the lady behind the counter had to get the manager and she gave my son a  free cookie because she said that is what they give all kids. At least it quieted him down and he stopped fussing in the store and crying.

Then I was so glad to be home and I shared part of my cookie with him but he didn’t seem to like it so he threw it on the floor and I ate the rest. He then fell asleep in his chair and I got peace during Titanic and I washed my diapers and his. His diaper champ wasn’t even full yet but since I am washing mine, I will mind as well wash his too so I wouldn’t have to wash his diapers sooner.  

I am reminded why I never want to take my son to the store with me alone because I can’t leave if he starts to fuss and cry and I can’t leave him out in the car alone with the windows partly down because it isn’t the 90’s anymore where it was acceptable and legal. I have memories of being left alone in the car in the early 90’s and late 80’s. I can remember waking up in my car seat and being alone and I would just stare around. Now you can’t do that anymore. But even back then some people thought it was wrong to leave your kids alone in the car and now we have a law about it. It doesn’t bother me. I just blame it on stupid people who didn’t use common sense so they would leave their kids out in the car for a long long time or leave them dying in their hot car. I understand it’s an accident sometimes and I used to judge all parents when it would happen until I read this one Washington Post article. Now I can see how a parent can truly forget to take their kid out of the car and why they would leave them in the car all day long. Luckily it has never happened to me yet but I have had a close call where I got out of the car and locked it and less than five seconds later my mother told me I locked my new son in. Then she laughed about it and so did I. If I were alone, I may have been in the house and then realize where is my son and then remember he is out in the cold car. He was a week old then so I was not used to getting out of the car and having to go in the back seat. but I adjusted quick. Another time my husband and I were almost out the door and we realized we didn’t have our son with so I grabbed his infant carrier with him in it. Imagine if we were on the road and then we remembered our son was not with us. I would have turned the car around and gone back to get him. I know parents have accidentally left their little ones home alone because some confessed it at Babycenter. I will never say “it won’t happen to me” because I will never know. Instead I say, “I hope it won’t happen to me.” Never say never.





No More Spankings

Daddy no longer spanks me. I wish he would do it again but because it wasn’t a punishment for me, he stopped doing it. Now he gives me butt spankings and that be anus sex. I hate that so I try and be even more sneaky. It only happened once when he gave me it. In fact I still have it coming but he hasn’t done it yet because he hurt his back in the shower when he had a seizure so he hasn’t been working. He caught me without a diaper on so I am still waiting for that punishment. He even caught me pooping in the toilet and knew I was lying when I was denying it and trying to blame it on our son. I dump his poop in the potty remember. But because I was already going to get punished he didn’t punish me for it.

I miss the spankings.


Ugh Diaper Rash

I got one at night so I changed into a clean diaper and wiped myself good. There was no sign if a rash in my buttock so I put on a cloth diaper without bothering to put on some rash cream. But at night I change into a clean one before going to sleep and I wet it this morning and then it stung back there. I put some rash cream on down there after wiping it clean.

Then after two I change out of that diaper after wetting it twice and I had a red spot on my butt so I put rash cream there and it stung. Worst of all I can’t even air it out because daddy says I have to wear them and I don’t want to get caught. So I decided I wouldn’t use the diaper and I nearly did as I washed the dishes. I had to hold it and after I was done, I sneaked using the potty.

I did the computer and the rash kept on stinging and then I asked my dad if I can let my butt air out and he said no and suggested I take a bath. I didn’t want to so I stayed int he diaper. Then I decided to just take one.Dad suggested I give our son a bath too.

I took my clothes off and diaper and got my son undressed too and took off his diaper and put water in the tub. When I got in, the rash burned but it felt so good. I wasn’t in the tub long and I got out and got my son diapered first and then I put ointment on my rash and then got dressed. The rash does feel better but I am still not using my diapers. I have decided from now on when I get a rash, I will take a bath and soak my bottom. Diaper rashes suck.

Also I washed my diapers on Saturday night and I my diaper pail is almost full already. Five wet diapers I made. And I have to get more quarters so that be 30 bucks we have spent this month on laundry. I am also thinking about soaking my diapers in the tub or have them get rinsed out as I shower so they be cleaner when I wash them.

Today was a fun…

Today was a fun day. I got up at 11 AM, got on the computer and surfed a bit, gave my son some Cheerios. I cleaned the bathroom wearing a diaper only. I don’t like to get my clothes dirty and my socks wet so I took them all off and was in my bra and diaper only. I cleaned the tub and washed some mildew off the grout and rinsed it all off and the tub too. I washed the sink and toilet and washed the floor. I washed the kitchen floor too and entry floor.Then I put away all the cleaning supplies and took my son out of his play yard when I was through.

My brother and his girlfriend and her brother are in town so they stopped by but they let me know ahead of time and I had them call me to let me know they are coming so they don’t catch me off guard. I had to toss out my used diaper I had in the plastic bag, I put all my cloth diapers in my room, went through my son’s clothes again to get rid of and give to his cousin. I got dressed too and my husband made me wear my diaper. He assured me he couldn’t tell I had one on and it’s just my sub consciousness that is making me think it’s noticeable. I didn’t want to wear a disposable because I like to save on those even though they are thinner and easier to hide.

Then they stopped by and I saw how much my nephew had grown. I took out all the baby clothes my son had outgrown and let my brother go through them. He couldn’t take them all due to limited room in the car. We visited and watched our kids play and I took some movies and photos and then they left. I was surprised to see my son interact with his cousin because he always ignores other kids and won’t interact with them. But my nephew’s (on husband’s side) half-sister plays with him and he does well that way if others play with him and he also interacts with adults but not with other kids his age. I was surprised at how well my nephew played and what he does at his age and my son won’t do pretend play yet. He will line his toys or stack them or put them in one spot or roll a car across the floor and he will put his Weeebles on the spin toy and take them back off or put the Little People in their cars and take them back out and he will put his toy balls in his spin toy and other things too. I am not worried about his development and he babbles a lot but says no real words but he can say mom. he scored borderline in one of the developmental areas and that is between delayed and normal but the nurse wasn’t all worried about it and neither was I. My son is very normal and my husband says so too. He loves to explore and run around and watch people and he loves to climb on me and push buttons on the TV or cable box so I taped cardboard over them. He can climb on furniture now and climb onto my lap to nurse but he still doesn’t lift my shirt up yet. My husband thinks he is entering his terrible twos. He cries more often and won’t lie still as he nurses or stay latched on so I always think he is through. He likes to bite me and pull my hair and I always react to it. He will sometimes pinch me too. He will still cry when he is done nursing.

Then after they left, they called me later to tell me they are eating at our aunt’s and uncle’s and I came over an hour later. I got changed into a new diaper and got my son dressed too and I put in his car seat and brought the high chair along too (one of those portable ones that strap to the chair). I brought some of his toys too and some diapers and a package of wipes and my computer and my wallet with my driver’s license in it and other cards. I saw no point in bringing my purse.

When I got there, I got on the computer and my son walked around the house and played with his cousin’s toys. He even played with the saxophone I got his cousin for Christmas. Then I had some food and we were supposed to eat together but it didn’t turn out that way because the chicken wasn’t done and I was too hungry to wait. I was starving.

I went out to the car and got my son’s high chair and set it on the floor and put him in it. I fed him some watermelon and gave him a brownie. Like his mother, he ate the brownie first and my aunt cut up the watermelon into little pieces. Then he fell asleep as he ate them and their dog ate the watermelon off his tray. Then when my son woke up again, he started to eat the watermelon and I took the tray off and washed it in the sink. I didn’t want him eating what their dog touched with her tongue. I tried to give him more watermelon but he refused to eat it so I gave it to the dog to have. I cleaned my son up and nursed him. He went through his terrible twos again with his crying and not staying latched on and then my aunt and uncle arrived back and he stopped his crying and started to walk around.

I am not sure when I will be going home. It started to rain and thunder out and it ended and I am just busy with the computer and my diaper is still fine. But I am going to be washing mine when I get home and I prefer to do it at night where there is privacy since everyone is a sleep and someone rarely does laundry at night.

I didn’t say good bye

My mother in law took our son again. My husband is still in pain but it’s his back this time. The good news is, he is being sent some paper work for him to fill out so he get disability payments from work for when he is off work due to his condition. Now I won’t have to stress anymore about money.

I came home and I see my husband walking in and he said I was home early. I was not. I asked him where was he and he said he was just saying good bye to his mother and she took our son again. He said she is still out there so I should say good bye but I didn’t want to. I had already walked up the stairs and was already inside. Plus I will see him again.

Because my husband was in too much pain for putting in the car seat, I got to not get my punishment. I was about to get butt sex for helping my dad out with my diaper change this morning. All I did was pull the diaper up to make it tight. So I took off my leaky diaper (stupid defective diaper) and showered after I ate. Now I am in a cloth diaper and in my Hello Kitty pajamas all childless.

Jokes and teasing doesn’t upset me but

when you do it too much all the time, it does.

My husband has been role playing a lot lately and I can’t tell anymore if he is serious or not. I have always taken it all literal and then to find out he was just role playing. Now I don’t know anymore what to take seriously. How am I going to know the rules? The new rules he has, how do I know he was actually serious about those? I am starting to get very frustrated and I don’t know anymore when he is serious or role playing. I can’t just not listen to him anymore because I don’t want to do that in a marriage and then get punished for not listening because I didn’t know he was serious. I told him this morning how is he going to expect me to listen to him if he is not serious. I yelled at him about it as he was changing me. Then he was saying I was cranky and I needed to go back to bed. Made me even angrier because he expected me to take his games well and I am getting so sick of it now. I went through this with one of my ex’s and he didn’t care if I took things literal so he kept on joking and would get pissed when I would take him seriously. Then I stopped taking him seriously and it sucked doing that in the relationship. He just thought that if he joked all the time I would start picking up on. No that doesn’t work with me.

It’s very frustrating to not know when someone is serious or joking when they do it all the time. Then they become my waste of time and I avoid them and don’t want to bother with them. If they are just people I hardly know or people I never see or just acquaintances, I can handle that because they are not people I am with all the time and it doesn’t bother me to not take someone seriously, not believe a word they say, if I hardly ever see them or hardly deal with them. I see it as their own fault because ever heard of the phrase “cry wolf?” That is what they are doing. But if it’s my own husband, I get angry about it. I just wish he would stop and he says he can’t and that it comes natural to him. Well work on it then damn it or should I do some tough love with him to get him to remember every time?

Feeling angry about all this still


Daddy’s New Rules

Okay some of the rules have changed for me or got pointed out to me:

I am no longer allowed to change myself unless he says I can or when he is not here or in bed sleeping

I am not allowed to help him put my diaper on

I am not allowed to say no, if he tells me to do something like have sex or go out and have fun, I have to do it

I must put a diaper on right after I get out of the shower

I am not allowed to decide what diaper to put on

No exceptions, I have to wear diapers around anyone, his family, mine, everyone

I am allowed to pick my own punishments and if I pick one that is too easy or not really a punishment, the punishment I get would be worse (Edit: This rule has been lifted since it was causing me too much stress)

I Even had to Wear Diapers on Mother’s Day

It was Mother’s Day and my husband still made me wear a diaper but he made me wear a disposable than cloth. I thought he would let me go diaperless but he did not. We went out to eat when it was noon and it took us a long time to get ready, son had to have a bath, husband had to shower, I had to pick out a nice outfit to wear. I decided on the long skirt and purple tank top. I shower it to my husband and he said he couldn’t tell I had on a diaper so i kept it on.

Then we looked at yard sales after we ate (we stopped at an estate sale on the way) and my husband got me a Barbie dollhouse set and it came with another set too and it was a store set. It was all five bucks and he also got me a Strawberry shortcake doll. I even got a flat screen computer monitor for four bucks and we got my son a potty from IKEA for only a dollar. He got himself some collectable toys and some salt and pepper shakers that are now illegal, it has to do with some drug they outlawed and I don’t remember the name of the drug. He even got our son a couple of books some toys. I think we have enough kindercrap in our apartment and my family and husband hates that word but i love it. it’s hilarious and it’s a word childfree folks use for kids toys. Plus I have a dirty mouth sometimes because I say ass, and crap, shit, damn, and bitch. but I don’t wear like a sailor. I also like to say asshole and dumb ass and husband hates me talking like that around our boy. My dad said curse words when I was growing up and I didn’t go using them because mom would have slapped my mouth if I said any of those words. I once got my mouth slapped at a restaurant when I was eight for saying fuck head. She had warned me earlier that week I would get my mouth slapped next time if I say it and I forgot at the moment when I said the word. Then I remembered but too late. Slap. I actually learned that word from two of my best friends. I found out in 6th grade they both got busted by their grandfather for teaching me that word and it was very hard for my parents to get me to stop saying it. I say fuck now when it comes to sex.

Then I headed to the autism group but I was a little late because we were out looking at yard sales. I wet my diaper there four times, I did one long one but it wasn’t that long. I drank lot of water there, maybe two or three big cups because it was hot out so the group leader had pitchers of water at each table with ice in it to make it ice cold and I drank it. I hardly used my diaper before that because I only went twice and the wettings weren’t that long, more like dribbles. I did another long one when I got back. I stayed in my car and went and then got out.Water makes me go more and a lot if I drink too much. Hot days will make me do it so I wet my diapers more.


Happy Mother’s Day.

Daddy Made Me Go Out

My mother in law decided to kidnap our son (not literally, she took him home with her so I can have a break) so my husband and I had a night alone and he made me have sex and I watched Titanic. Then I showered and put my diaper back on, it wasn’t that wet so I put it on again so it wouldn’t go to waste. Yuck eh? Not for me if they are my own.

I got up close to eight since I could not get back to sleep. I wet my diaper as I got on the computer and it wasn’t a very long one. Then my dad got up and told me to go out and have fun. I refused because I had no plans so I would rather stay home and relax. He told me it was my day off from our son and I need to get out and have fun or I will get depressed. I kept telling him I didn’t want to go out and he told me he would punish me if I don’t and I said “baby girls don’t go out by themselves” and he told me his feet hurt.  Then he told me I smelled like pee very bad and I would need to shower. I argued that he can just clean me up and why do I need a bath? He told me I smelled very bad and I needed to shower. I argued with him about it telling him he can wipe me up but he said I needed to shower. Then he threatened to punish me. So I went in our room and he took the diaper off. It tore because I had mailing tape on because the tabs rip out of the plastic so I use tape to keep it snug. Some of the stuffing came out and I went in the bathroom and got in the tub and started to rinse my bottom out. Since I was refusing to shower and was only sitting in the tub and rinsing my bottom out with soap, my dad made me put the plug in and told me if I am going to do it like that, I am going to take a bath and he took my bra off. He gave me a bubble bath. I played in the tub for I am not sure for how long and then I said I was ready to get out. Dad came in and grabbed the towel and I let the water out and got out. He dried me off and I went back to our room and lied on the bed. Dad came back and told me to get a diaper so I did and he diapered me. I demanded baby powder but he told me I would be fine. I was worried about the smell and he told me I won’t smell and I want to save money right? So he uses powder only when I go to work for in case I would smell because people there know me since they see me there everyday. Then he picked out a sundress for me and dressed me up in it. Then I got ready to go. I mailed off my election ballot and waited for the bus.

When I got downtown, I was walking to an area and it was after I got off the light rail. I thought I smelled pee all of a sudden. I knew it wasn’t me because I had just been put in a fresh diaper and only used it once. I figured maybe someone around me had on a very wet diaper and it stunk badly. But the smell was gone when I walked away. I looked in some stores like Goodwill and a music store and got myself Back to the Titanic album and then I went to the huge bookstore. I mostly looked at Titanic books and got myself the book about the James Cameron movie. I even bought myself something to eat there and I used the $5 I got from winning a small lottery with a scratch card. Then I looked in a store that sold vintage toys and other stuff. Then I went to the mall and got myself some ice cream there and then I went home. I felt burned out after being gone all day so I went home. It was after three when I got back.

I was so exhausted I did not want to talk or even be disturbed and I was in a selfish mood so I refused to go get my husband a sandwich. I had just came home and wanted to relax and I felt exhausted. So he went out himself to get it. I went on the computer to relax as I pumped my milk. My son was still gone so I could still have peace. Plus I was also constipated all of a sudden when I got back so I didn’t feel well so it made me crabby. My mother in law came back with my son and then she went out to look for my husband so she can give him a ride.

Then my husband came home with his mother and I just kept snapping at him because I didn’t want to talk and I wanted to be alone. Luckily our son left me alone too because I could not even bother with him. I did nurse him though.

My mother in law stayed for a little bit and then she left and then i was finally able to make a BM and I had to get out a fan because I cannot stand being hot and pushing can make me sweat and the only way to do it is if I had cool air blowing on me so it took me about a minute to put a load in my diaper. Then I sat in it for a little bit and then decided it was time to change it because I saw a small wet spot on the couch and also the pee I kept doing was making part of my skin itch and it was starting to feel uncomfortable. But I had to wait for dad to finish his mission in the game before he could change me. He would have let me change myself but I was too stubborn so I put up with the little discomfort. Then after he was done, he changed me and put me in a cloth diaper. I put my poopy diaper in a small plastic bag and took it out to the dumpster so the apartment wouldn’t smell. I think I should start throwing my used diapers away outside from now on.

Whew , that’s it for this blog. Took me a while to write it because my son kept distracting me Also thank god for auto saved drafts because I accidentally hit the back button and I lost my work. I was about to re type this whole thing but make it shorter because i couldn’t be arsed to type it all out again. Then I remembered the drafts.