I have decided on no more using cloth. I am practically washing them everyday now and water/sewer bill is high in my area because they charge so much for it. So that is all the water I am using because I flush the toilet when I rinse out cloth diapers, I wash them, then rinse them again in the washing machine, then I am drying them and I am not sure how much more in power I use to wash and dry them. My mom did say our power, water/sewer bill is high. So I decided to just switch to disposable and see how much lower our bill is and see if I am saving any money or if it costs just as much. I can’t line dry them because I don’t want them to be seen by my brother if he comes over. I decided our budget for diapers will be $300 a month since Tena Slip Maxi costs $112 and double it and that is $224 a month. My husband gave me an idea to just buy a case every month with my paycheck. I can store the diapers in the garage if I don’t have room in my room and if I have enough diapers, I don’t need to order more. Cloth is just too smelly for my whole family and I can’t even smell anything or my mom just has a sensitive nose. so if using disposables full time will cost just as much as using cloth utility wise, I will stick with disposable.
Today at work I got very bad tummy pain and gas. I had just gotten to work and I was in the restroom cleaning. I thought I was going to shit myself but I didn’t want to do it in my diaper so when it got real bad, I went in the stall and took my diaper off and went. It was all runny. It was like my body did a self laxative. Then I was done going and I put the diaper back on and went back to work. Then in the men’s restroom, the pain comes back and I decide to hold it this time since I was behind. But when I squat down as I clean, I feel some is going to come out so I went on the toilet again and it was all watery stool like I had an enema. Then I stood up when I was done and I felt cramps again so I sat back down and went a little more and it was poop this time. Then I was done again and I taped my diaper back on and went to work again. I was way behind because of the diarrhea. But I caught up because I worked fast and didn’t let myself get sidetracked like I always do. I still got done a half hour early.
I come home and find out my husband had diarrhea last night and I wonder if it was something we ate. He said he was up all night pooping. I only went twice at work. Having diarrhea at work sucks. But I seem to get it so often but it gets absent for months and I think the issue is gone and then it comes back and it’s gone again. I don’t remember having diarrhea this often as a kid.
I can’t find something for my daughter’s birth certificate which we haven’t gotten yet. We never got her social security card either and we got my computer fixed and audio sound still isn’t working. At least we know it wasn’t the program. We have a huge medical bill from having our baby and they charged us for the drug they never got to use because she came so fast. I had to cancel my daughter’s appointment because OHP switched her to Kaiser and I decided forget it and just stick with what they put her on. But yet we never got the Kaiser card in the mail yet for her.
But this morning was crazy because I pooped in my Molicae Super Plus and stayed in it for about two hours and I thought it was a little one and between my butt cheeks until I took it off and saw it was spread in the middle to back and I let the rest drop in the diaper that was stuck in my butt cheeks. My daughter was resting in her bouncer and she was content so I decided to change so it won’t leak but instead it turned into a big mess so I went in the bathroom and started to wash it off and then she started to cry. I kept on rinsing and then my husband came up and wanted me to take care of her but couldn’t because I was cleaning up and he was on the phone with Dell about my computer. She cries harder and harder and then I was finished and I dry off and then I pick her up and undo her onesie and pull off her plastic pants and take her cloth diaper off and leave her there on my bed as I get on my own cloth diaper. She keeps crying and I feel overwhelmed and after I get on my socks and plastic pants, I then go taking care of her and rinsing the diaper off in the toilet. I was multitasking, taking care of myself and her. Then I just held her and fed her in my diaper and socks and she went to sleep after she finished nursing. Sometimes as a DL parent, I get stuck in my wet and messy diapers until I get the chance to change them. I wonder how incontinent parents do it. I am sure they neglect their kids to take care of their needs first and then go to them or they let themselves leak because of kids come first and some parents go far with it they neglect their own health. But kids can be unpredictable because they are fine so you go and take care of yourself and then they need you while you are doing it so you make them wait like I did with my daughter.
I still have the mess in the tub to clean up. I did a Natalie thing. I don’t think my parents would want to see poop in the tub because my mom made a comment about me leaving my son’s poo in the tub once and she and Dad also make comments about a diaper being left in the toilet or his underwear. Then my husband and I forget we did it when we were intending to do it later. I have some stuff I got to do today so I’ll wrap this up for now.
Today out in the backyard I was outside on the patio with my daughter and my son was playing out there too in his sandbox. My parents were outside working in the yard and then my dad went inside to rest and my mom stayed out and sat. Then she decided to make a comment about my diapers when I sat back down after helping my son get one of the toy trucks out of the plastic storage box in his play area. She said my diapers make me look like I have a fat butt with big hips and big boobs but the rest of me is skinny and my tummy too but when I sit, oh boy I have huge hips and a big butt. I just laughed and said I bet that is what people think.
Speaking of my fat butt and huge hips, this is what it looks like under a pair of my shorts:
So my mom told me last night again how my diapers smell because I don’t use any fabric sheets or use anything in the washer to help with the smell so she has to wash her clothes twice.
I don’t use fabric sheets because it’s a fabric softener, I don’t use anything except laundry detergent because I don’t want to ruin the diapers. Bleach ruins them and I tried vinegar, perhaps I should put some in again and it might get rid of the smell but not use it every time. I have rinsed them off the in the toilet and they still smell. She also told me how our water bill is high and the sewer and I said if disposables will be cheaper, I might reconsider when I asked how much the bills are. I asked my husband about it and he didn’t know how much more we are paying for it but it’s pretty high.
I wonder if using disposables 24/7 will be cheaper.
The disadvantage of using cloth are:
More electricity for washing them and drying
Higher water and sewer bill
Wear and tear on the washer
The cost of detergent and how sooner you run out
At least with disposables, I will only be wearing and tossing them out and I am using rash cream and wipes like always, baby power optional and then I toss in the diaper pail when I am done with the diaper and take outside when it’s full. But what is cheaper?
I have been trying to make the cloth diapers smell less but nothing seems to work. I have thought about using a clothes line outside, buy some rope or whatever or a clothesline kit and hook it up using a tree or whatever or the house and hand them up outside on a hot day which is the summer but I don’t want anyone seeing them. We have lot of trees so it’s unlikely but my brother comes over sometimes and I don’t want him seeing them. He hasn’t been over in a while ever since he got a new job.
I talked to my husband about our costs and wondered what is cheaper and he doesn’t know there. He had solutions like get our own washer and use it for my diapers only and plug it in every time I use it. That means connect the water hose to them each time too. His other solution was get a bigger bucket and put diapers in there and it will be a full load. Keep the bucket in the basement and carry the diaper down there in a bag so I am not carrying it visibly in my hand. Keep some water in the bucket and soak diapers in there.
I like cloth because it saves money but am I really saving money? What if we are paying more in water and sewer and electricity total than I would with disposables? Then I am not really saving money so I would mind as well use disposables. I know peoples main reason for using cloth is to be economical and environmental to save the landfill. My reason was for money. But if I am not saving any, I will mind as well switch to disposables and I bet my parents will love that. I could switch to disposables for a few months and see the difference in our bills and decide what is cheaper. Besides cloth is very bulky and disposables are thinner and I can wear more of my clothes over them than I can with cloth. Or if I would be spending the same amount for disposables when I wear them full time like I was with using cloth, I would go with disposables because it would be better for everyone.
Sometimes I get sick of cloth because of the smell and the stress and I have thought about in the past switching but then I feel I am tossing my money out the window. I have just thought about cloth diaper detergent. I can get it online or try and find it in stores, if none of the stores sell it here and only online, I would have to go online and try it. I don’t know how people do it and get rid of the smell and I think I am one of those people who just can’t get it out of the diapers if the smell stays in the washer and dryer and I do rinse after washing them to get the suds out. But feedback always helps from my mother so I know they still stink so I know my method is not working.
Throughout my life as long as I can remember, my brain would get destructive sometimes. I would go through periods where I don’t care and just do things because I didn’t care. I would sometimes wish I would die or someone comes and takes me. Sometimes I would just wish abuse, the bullying, the teasing. I already got the teasing at school and the put downs. I used to just do things to provoke negative attention and get made fun of about it. In 6th grade I remember eating a bunch of cookies my mom made because I didn’t care. I remember being upset about something so I started eating a bunch of them. In seventh grade I used to just open a window so I would freeze and I always did this when I was upset and feeling bad about myself. When I was 16, I would scratch myself using glass and I still have two scars on my hand from it. At 14, I was mad about my boobs so I took a needle and put it through my skin on my boob because I hated how big they were. Is this why that boob makes less milk than the other? When I was 17, I did a joke online my pesky neighbor taught me he learned at school but instead people online got angry at me so I was hurt and upset and felt like spamming the board not caring. I remember throughout my teens I would talk back and get rude and disrespectful to my mother because I didn’t care. I felt so bad about myself. I would put myself down and my mom would make me say three positive things about myself. I have gone through these phases as an adult as well. Right now I feel everyone hates me and doesn’t care even though I know it’s not true. but my bran keeps insisting everyone does hate me and I am being ignored, no one cares. I have been more sensitive lately and it’s like my skin is growing thin now. I am thinking about now leaving all the forums I go to and have a break because I keep getting down every time something happens. A story got a comment and mine didn’t or I had posted a new story and only one left a comment and the others are getting comments, I got a rude comment, someone singled me out, someone posted a hate AB/DL video and it was by someone I admired and enjoyed for their blog and reading how they deal with their medical condition and trying to get rid of the stigma on adult diapers and incontinence, I post a silly thread and I get some criticism for it and then it was locked, someone posted a thread about honesty and why people hate it and I get flashbacks about my ex boyfriend and posts I had seen online by people who like to be abusive and call it honesty, threads about violent autistic kids or seeing violent kids on Dr. Phil, thinking someone lost interest in my story because he stopped answering my questions about my characters, an online friend wanting to write an essay and gave himself a due date but never sent it to me like he wanted to enough of all this and he did apologize later but I didn’t respond and kept on living my life because I didn’t know what to do and I was still too hurt and the fact I stopped being interested in friends because I am sick and tired of getting hurt and ugh enough of this. These bad feelings have been going on for long as I can remember since this year. I haven’t been feeling real happy and it comes and goes. Writing here feels like therapy because I am getting out my feelings and this is safe heaven for me.
I am down to 11 Molicares in my bag and I need to order more diapers but I cannot make up my mind. Should I get the same batch again or Wellness Briefs or Tena Maxi Plus, or Abena M4, or Bambino. No ABU diapers because they are having problems with their orders and I will not be the victim of not getting them or getting the wrong size. They have shipped the wrong sizes to their customers. For example, a customer orders mediums, they ship out larges instead. Also their customer service is bad so they may be trying to contacting them and they never get a reply back or they never pick up their phone or return their calls. So what diaper shall I decide on? I hate it when I have to get more diapers. So hard to make up my mind. Make up my mind? Of course it’s hard, I don’t use any make up and my head doesn’t screw open so I can’t make up my mind, get it? I love word play jokes. But yet I have a hard time picking it up when others do it but when I do it, no problem.
I am thinking of ordering one sample from Bambino to see how good their diapers are I want to get but I am not sure if they will be out of stock again and if their batches would be different. I hear their new batches are better than the last ones. Man they sounded horrible based on the complaints about them on Fetlife and Dailydiapers and ADISC.