I got done at 8:10 so I walked over to the mall to get tagged again by other Nintendo 3DS users. I went up to McDonalds and got none and I dropped by at Gamestop and then I headed to Barnes & Noble and got four tags. One of them came from Japan and I think I saw the person but I was too shy to shove my Nintendo 3DS in her face showing her her Mii character in my Mii Plaza asking if it’s her. They were speaking Japanese and she and her boyfriend or husband were looking at Minecraft stuff. But I got my first foreign Mii. I tagged her three times because I kept going back to the store to try and get more tags because they have the Nintedo Zone. I guess you can’t cheat the thing because I didn’t tag the same people again. But I did tag another Oregonian again, the same one and I defeated one of the ghosts in Find Mii and I am almost done with the Pikimon panel already. I also walked around the mall and also stopped at the ATT place and got nothing. Since I forgot my Nook, I just walked around trying to get tagged. It seems to be the hotspot for meeting the same people. I bet it will be better if I try and hit it during the holiday season and after when everyone is taking back gifts or try Black Friday.
Today I went out to get school supplies and it was my mistake to bring my son with. I was going to do it alone and pick them out for him because he was acting up and whining this morning and my husband assured me he would do fine once we head out. He also told him I will take him to McDonalds if he is good. So I took him and we stopped at The Dollar Tree and instead he kept taking off and I had to call him, he was whining and I had to keep looking on the list and look for stuff and then my daughter started to cry and my son kept talking his his whiny voice so it got me overwhelmed and I could feel my anxiety rising. Then I paid and we left and I decided to try Big Lots and told my son the rules and if he can follow them, he gets McDonalds but instead he kept on whining and it got me even more overwhelmed and I just wanted to scream and cry but I couldn’t do that in public. I felt like I was going to have a meltdown because of the chaos. Then I decided we were just going home so I can hide in my room to get away from it all. I thought about just leaving the cart with the stuff there but I had already marked the stuff off the list and I didn’t want to make it more complicated so I stayed in line and then my turn came and I paid. Then I went out to the car and put my kids in and went home and my son just cried and cried when he got home. I should have just done this alone with my daughter. Then I hid in my room after I brought my purse, diaper bag, and kids inside and hid in my room leaving my son crying in the kitchen. I am still recovering. My husband had to pitch in by making him something to eat. That was the problem and I figured but his whining got me so overwhelmed I had to get home. I couldn’t handle it. I’ll finish the shopping tomorrow alone with my daughter or my husband would have to come along because I can’t do this alone with him. Maybe when he is older, he will understand and not do it knowing what will happen. I wonder how other parents handle this. I can’t imagine myself being a single parent. I find the thought of it frightening.
I just discovered three places at the mall have a Nintendo Zone so that means when I go back there next time, walk to the other two places to get tagged. I would hope someone walked by there with their Nintendo 3DS in sleep mode. I wonder how long it holds their tag until it expires. I went to the mall today after i got off work to get some streetpass tags and I got four at Barnes & Noble. I just read a book on my Nook and didn’t finish it but will next time I am there. I had to leave because I want to be home around 9:30 to feed my baby. On the train I got three more tags from out of state so I knew the train had travelers and I lost my stylis to my Nintendo Dsi XL. It fell out of my hand and it went into the seat I was sitting on and I couldn’t get it out so I had to buy a new one when I got home. I got it on ebay and it was inexpensive, $1.19 w/free shipping and it was a brown stylis. I still need to buy a new one for my 3DS so I use my other Peach style stylis which my son broke the bobble head off and the paint on the stylis is wearing off from my fingers but it’s a stylis and it’s useful. I just have to be more careful so I don’t drop my stylis.
So next time I go back to the mall, I am going to walk up to McDonalds on the 3rd floor and pass by it and then go back down and pass ATT retail store and then go to Gamestop and then Barnes & Noble. I also got another panel competed and yesterday I beat Find Mii and now I am doing it again to get more outfits for my Mii. Because I have been doing this, I have met the same Miis and they went up a level for Find Mii and I finished two rooms today in one battle.
Nintendo has sure found a way to make gamers get some exercise. They have created the Wii Fit and some games that make you use your body when you play and now they have created the Streetpass for their Nintendo 3DS and that sure encourages people to go out more and walk at places to get some tags. It sure gets me out of the house so I am not housebound. I also keep it in sleep mode now and it barely uses any battery. Then at home I just plug it in to keep it charged and then I take it with when I leave. I am thinking in October when the game convention happens I can go there and stand outside or something and get a bunch of streetpasses. But strangely I don’t get a lot of Washingtonian streetpasses. We live right by the state and it’s right across the river and surely people come down here from up there like we used to do when we lived there. I only get lot of Oregonians.
This is another word I have never quite understood. As a child I was told talking about someone behind their back when they are not around is gossip. Then I was told it was saying bad things about them behind their backs and they are not there to defend themselves. Mom would tell me how wrong it is but only to turn around and tell me what an asshole my dad is and what a jerk he is. Confusing so it must be okay to do. My high school therapist called it non-compliant. I think that was his PC word for hypocrite. He was a therapist so he had to not say bad things about people, he was a professional so he had to use kinder words that didn’t sound bad. I learned then non-compliant meant not liking what someone does but you do it yourself or not caring if someone does something to other people and you tell them to do it to them but yet when they do it to you, you get mad about it. He called this all non-compliant. But Dr. Phil would sure call it hypocrisy because it’s his own TV show so he can say things the way it is and be non-politically correct. But he can be harsh and the truth hurts sometimes but people do want to hear it so they go on his show for it. But I also find it sad how some people don’t know how to get help or can’t afford it and the only way to get it is to be on his show and air their dirty laundry to the world. Now back to the word gossip.
I remember saying in my therapist’s office I was gossiping because I was saying bad things about other people and he laughed and told me it was different what I am doing because I am in a safe place for it and nothing leaves his office what I say. By law he isn’t allowed to tell other people what I told him. So I learned that gossiping is okay if done in a therapist’s office.
I have noticed my whole life everyone talked about other people and anyone who claims they don’t gossip are probably lying. I am sure they have talked about an issue they have with someone at work or in school or their teacher falsely accusing them of something and punishing them for it or do they just bottle everything up inside and never talk about their feelings? So no one knows they are having problems at work or being bullied at school. Everyone just assumes that person has a fine life and everything is going good for that person. But as an adult I have learned gossiping meant different things for people. Everyone had their own definition of it. Not everyone considered it gossip if done in a therapist’s office. My husband told me if I got upset at work and came home and talked about it to him, it wouldn’t be gossip because he isn’t going to tell everyone about it. My mom told me last year gossip is when you talk to someone and they tell everyone else about it what you told them. Talking about someone isn’t gossip if it isn’t spread. So that means I can talk about my boss at work to someone and it won’t be gossip if that person doesn’t go to everyone else repeating what I said.
I remember when I lived in Montana, this one employee there who had been working there for four years all of a sudden vanished. She never came back to work and I found it so strange she was gone. No one knew where she went and my boss was so secretive about it. One day I made a joke saying maybe she went to jail and I got told by another co-worker I was doing slander and trying to spread a rumor. I learned then what caused rumors is telling a joke about someone and it’s slander. So she was going around telling everyone I was trying to spread a rumor about Sai going to jail. My boss told me then she quit her job because she didn’t agree with something. I felt relieved and was glad nothing happened to her and she was alright. She didn’t get falsely accused and go to jail. They all had me worried over nothing. Sometimes it can be a crime to care about someone. But I also have been told online a few years back you have to be careful when you talk about someone. I learned than when I did the joke a work I have to be careful when I joke because what if someone walking by had overheard it, they would have assumed that is what happened to Sai and tell others about it and pretty soon lot of people in town think she went to jail. That is how rumors start. A harmless joke can do it. Fast forward years later on Wrongplanet, someone told me my co-worker was an idiot and it wasn’t slander I was doing. Okay so what exactly is slander then?
Back in 2010, when there was an online drama that happened from Wrongplanet involving a corrupted mod, I was still upset by it and I kept on talking about it and I got told I was doing gossiping and spreading rumors. I learned then I was to keep things bottled up and deal with my own OCD thoughts because it’s gossiping and spreading rumors if I talk about it. I am to do it only once and then keep it bottled up. I was told on Aspergic talking about it to different people was gossip. But lot of people don’t like to hear your problems over and over and they expect you to move on. Most people can talk about something that upset them and then they get over it after they have discussed it but for people with OCD, that can be hard. They can’t get rid of those unwanted thoughts and even talking about it doesn’t get rid of the feelings and those unwanted thoughts like it does for most people. But I was told this was gossiping if you don’t do it once and you do it over and over. Now fast forward later on Wrongplanet again, there is thread going on about people gossiping and if we do it or not. Someone made an interesting post there and it gave me some insight. She wrote she thinks there is a difference between sharing something with a friend about your dealings and what is bothering you and true gossip is doing it for mean spirited kicks that may spread untruths and speculations that may border on slander. She posted two examples, one that would be gossip and one that wouldn’t be gossip.
It gave me some insight and it made me think if my intentions may have been misread and I took it all literal. I remember being accused of twisting her words and I then didn’t understand what was she saying then if I am twisting her words. I also think when people accuse me of twisting their words, it’s because I am right and they don’t like it. That was a pattern I had noticed online. I don’t realize what I do can come off across to someone and how they may see it. I always assume they will see it my way and then I am shocked when they got it all wrong and are they stupid? Online it’s hard for everyone to interpret how people are feeling because there is no tone of voice, there is no crying, you can’t see them crying, you can’t hear their tone, all you see is text. I wonder if I was being misread and I thought they knew how I was feeling and what I was going through because I was talking about it so I assumed they knew how I was feeling so when I got accused of trying to spread rumors and doing gossip, I learned it was gossiping and then I learned I was only supposed to tell it to one person and to no one else and I am to bottle it all up. So what did those people mean then? If someone has OCD so they have a hard time moving forward and moving on, is it really gossip if they keep talking about it? I can see now why anyone would call it such because most people just move on after ranting about it to one person and I just learned it was called gossip if you do it to different people. But is it still gossip?
I remember when I first learned the word manipulative, I had my character goofing off while they were getting ready to leave for the airport and she was pretending she was dying of a heart attack and her mom told her this was rush hour, not acting class so she stopped. My mom said that was manipulative. I learned manipulative meant acting when it’s not acting time. I learned as an adult she may have misread my intentions in the story because manipulative means trying to get what you want by trying to deceive someone and trick them. My character wasn’t pretending to die of a heart attack to get what she wanted, there was nothing she wanted. She was just pretending to die of a heart attack being all goofy. So that was why I always was confused when she called it manipulative because who was I trying to fool in the story, what was my agenda, what did I want? It took me years to understand this word too and I think I get the word now and I finally figured out my mom was wrong and she probably misread the character’s intention. She assumed wrong.
I still think gossip means different things to people. Something may be gossip for one person but not gossip for the other.
As the person on Wrongplanet wrote, all human communication is complicated. If I get accused of anything, how do I know if they are correct or if they are just misunderstanding the situation so they used a word wrong. I remember when my mom took the computer away for three weeks, I was so mad at her I didn’t look at her or talk to her. My therapist called this manipulation. So I learned when someone does something to you you don’t like, it’s manipulation if you refuse to talk to them and look at them. But what if this wasn’t correct? He told me it was manipulation because I would cut it out right if she gave me back the computer? But people on wrongplanet have contradicted it by mentioning things like if their parents took away their special interest, they would have meltdowns and punch holes in walls and stuff. So it made me think what if my therapist was wrong and he misread my intentions? What happens if you do give these aspie children back their special interests? The meltdowns would stop right and them punching holes in walls and their other destructive behavior. They don’t call this manipulation. Or what if they are just being politically correct by not calling it that? But I may never know if my therapist was wrong or if the people on Wrongplanet are wrong. Who’s right? My therapist or them?
I went to the mall again this time without my son. (yesterday I had to drag him out of the mall because he threw a tantrum and didn’t want to leave but he was tired so we left) But I got bad cramps all of a sudden when I arrived at the train stop and I figured I will just use the restroom at the mall. But the cramping got worse on the train and I felt like I was going to shit myself so I hold it in. Then my stop arrived and I got up and I notice a huge portable potty in the park so I walk fast to it and find there is a lock on the door to keep people from using it. I thought “Oh come on you gotta be kidding me” and i crossed the street to the mall and went into Macy’s and I head for the restroom and I find the handicapped stall is being used. “You gotta be kidding me, can this get worse?” So I use the single stall leaving the stroller out there outside the stall and no way was I going to go with the door open and have anyone see my diaper. My daughter also starts crying so it made me finish sooner. So I took a dump and it was diarrhea and I flushed the toilet and waited for the handicapped stall so I could finish taking a dump and have my daughter with me. Then the lady finished in there and I go in and take another dump and breastfeed my daughter on the toilet. It was my first time nursing in the restroom. A common argument I see about breastfeeding is “Would you eat your meal in the bathroom” whenever someone suggests a mom should feed her baby in there. But I killed two bids with one stone. Then i was done taking a dump and I clean up and put the diaper back on and wash my hands and leave. I walk around and I get some streetpass tags, four of them and I had met them the second time. I play the games and go to Ross and the bad cramping returns again so I go to Barnes & Noble and take a dump in the restroom again in the handicapped stall. Then I felt better and I go back to Ross and I have more streetpass tags again. I play those and then go to Gamestop and get tagged again. That was why I went to the mall, to try and get streetpass tags and Gamestop means more streetpass tags because customers in there are more likely to be carrying a Nintendo 3DS and have it in sleep mode. I tagged 11 users total and defeated the final armor in Find Mii game and then the huge monster grabbed my Mii and now I have to defeat it to free my Mii. I also read a few books on my Nook at Barnes & Noble. I never got anymore diarrhea cramps. Now I have to wait until next weekend to do this again and tag more people unless I want to leave early for work and go to the mall and walk around Gamestop and around the mall to get more Streetpass tags and then head to work.
Lately people have been starting stories with really good plot lines and then they just quit because they lose interest or they feel there aren’t enough people interested in it or because they get too busy or they lost their work due to computer issues. Then I am disappointed and I am starting to think to quit reading any new stories because the author isn’t going to bother to continue them. Another thing I find frustrating is all these authors get comments and I work hard on mine and to continue mine but hardly get any. I find that to be ironic. Just another pet peeve I found for reading a story. I will stick with the ones that are completed or have tons of pages because that means there are tons of chapters with comments even if they are not completed.
I hadn’t pooped in five days so when I got home from the day with the kids, I felt the urge to poop and I stood up and pushed it out and it was a big one. I stayed in it and then I was naked in my diaper only and about two hours later, the urge hit again (I knew I had more in me because I could feel it and it wasn’t ready to come out yes) so I pushed again and I felt air come out too and I realized later that was the poop going up my diaper and the warmth I was feeling down there on my bottom butt was the poop and I relaxed my muscles and I felt more come out without me pushing. I am going to shower anyway so I pooped the diaper since I would take it off anyway and now this diaper feels all nice and soft, squishy and it’s smelly. I even felt it go towards the front where my labia is when I pushed on my diaper. It’s all staying inside the diaper. But I tried masturbating in it and it didn’t feel comfortable. I guess my main character likes that in my story. I guess she likes to spread the mess around in her diaper and then clean up the huge mess and risk having it get pushed out of her diaper, that was my biggest fear so I didn’t keep masturbating. I can’t enjoy it with that fear in my head. The diaper also feels full and thick from all the poo. I have never had this best experience of a full poopy diaper. I am glad my body decided to expel it. I don’t know if it all got out but I will see. Okay I think I better clean up, this is getting too gross. I just saw it went past my labia and it now above my pelvis area. I am no longer enjoying this, I now feel disgusted by this seeing where the poop is now and where it’s going.
I got cleaned up and it was indeed disgusting. It stuck to my skin and most of it was in the diaper and it went up the back too and I rinsed the poop off as I showered and it all went down the drain. I used my mom’s bathing suit to cover my used diaper so my son wouldn’t see it if he comes into the bathroom. Then when I was done taking my shower, I dried off and put on a clean diaper and plastic pants and put on my bathrobe and grabbed a plastic bag and put the diaper in it and no poop got on my mom’s suit. If it did, I would have rinsed it off and hang it to dry again. I tied the bag up and threw it away outside. Cleaning up doesn’t matter when I am showering because it all washes of as I do it. The luxury of having control.